The Night Santa Went Crazy
Down in the workshop all the elves were
makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em
half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on
his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered
with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide
Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all... now you're all gonna die!"
Chorus
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held
the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old
German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he
barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes
just like chicken!"
Chorus
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body
count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa,
why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
[soft, pleasant original version]
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no
more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy, and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the
postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
[extra gory version]
Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
Some guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend now, as his brain's on
the floor
Guess they won't have the fat guy to kick
around any more
But now there's no more presents for the
children's enjoyment
And the elves gotta stand in line to file
for unemployment
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the
phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
Chorus
They're talkin' 'bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin'
gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain,
------------------
Theory Of Relativity
Eating a lot of good food will make 1 hour seem like 5 minutes while eating lotsa horrigible cooked veggies will make 5 minutes seem like 1 hour
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