A moment just for the broken hearts
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Fate plays its hand in a most cruel way, but you must understand that in the end, it is still all in your hand, all inside you to change your surrounding, and your well being.
The moment you stop trying, is the moment you start dying.Originally posted by coffeeortea:right, so i'll give a very brief intro of my love life cause im gonna hit the sack real soon. i'll come back to clear things up tomorrow though.
ever since pri sch, i was attracted to this one girl, even while i left singapore to study overseas, and came back during sec sch. nothing really happened in pri sch but then in sec sch was where it all started.
i was really shy back in pri sch, and then i only had the balls in sec sch to ask her out and stuff. soon enough, we got really close, all the way till sec 3. having late night suppers and going over to each other's place for meals. i still remember the night when she said she was kinda hungry at 2 am, and i said brb on msn, and showed up at her doorstep with the food that she likes.
" omg are you crazy? i was just saying but i didn't really mean it "
" well i am crazy, but its ok la if you don't want it i can always bring it home and give it to someone else ( i said this in a really joking manner, already beaming at the sight of her, i always do this, cause i realised its easier to treat girls that i like as friends to avoid any awkwardness )"
"come in la silly but don't make too much noise cause my bro's sleeping"
so i stepped in and for the first time, i felt kinda nervous. no matter how much i convinced myself that she is a friend, another voice in my head keeps saying "omfg this is the girl that you had a crush on since pri sch all the way till now!! its been what 5 years?". then i got kinda nervous and i was kinda quiet in her room initially while she was eating. she broke the silence by asking if i wanted some, and i jokingly said " only if you'd feed me ". she rolled her eyes and fed me anyway.
so then the night ended and she walked me out to flag a cab. though the walk was about 5 mins, many thoughts were already racing through my head. should i pop the question? that i had longed to ask for ages.
no.. yes.. no.. yes.. no... what if she says no? what if she says yes? should i give her a hug? what would i do? i don't know what to do, someone please help me.
we reached the main road and there was barely a taxi in sight. so we started talking, about how school was like. we were from different schools, yet we still managed to keep in contact, and even better, become close friends. maybe a little too close, you'll know when u read on.
" hey X, there's something i feel that you should know. i know this is kinda sudden but i need to let you know that i'm in love with you, ever since the day i met you in pri sch, and throughout the time i was in the states, i was missing you, and i each day, i look forward to coming back to singapore to see you again. when you emailed to ask how i was doing over in usa, and you left your number so that i could contact you when i was back, i was overjoyed, i felt euphoric and i thought i was the luckiest boy alive. after being through so much, i really wish that you would give me a chance, to shower you with all the love and care that i can provide you with. i want to spend time with you, go through thick and thin with you, and i feel that without you, my life is incomplete."
she looked at me with her darling eyes.
"omg, this is so unexpected.. i always thought we were really good friends, i really loved it that way, and im really thankful that i have you as one of my closer friends. you know i don't like relationships, at least for now, and i haven't had one for 3 years because i feel that i'm not ready yet. i'm... sorry."
i kinda expected that answer already, so i just smiled at her.
"it's okay, i understand. i think you better go home now, it's really late and i'll just wait here for a taxi."
"but you'll be alone here and i don't really see any taxis around"
i smile at her again and say
"i'm really fine, here let me walk you back home then"
"then what about y..."
"shhhh, i'm ok so don't worry"
so i walked her all the way back to her unit, and before i left, she said
" hey.. call me when you're home safe ok "
i smiled back
"sure"
so when i reached home, i gave her a call.
"hey i'm back home, whats up piggy?"
the awkward silence that never happens before set in again.
"oh about just now, i'm sorry and i really hope you'll give me time, i'm just.. not ready yet"
"oh i'm fine, don't worry about it, i'm just kinda tired now and i really wanna sleep so i'll talk to you soon."
"ah.. ok.. sweet dreams you.. "
"byee"
after i hung up, i just laid on my bed, i was devastated. that was my first fall, and a real big one too. so then life went on normally, and i continued pursuing her, until one day, when i asked her the question yet another time. she said
"yknow something, i always thought that you were and still are one of the best friends that i could ever have, and you hold a special place in my heart. the thing is, i never want to lose you as a friend ever. i hope you understand"
from then on, i knew we could never be together, it still haunts me sometimes, even till now, cause i think she was the perfect one for me. i finally gave up 2 years go after about 7 years, im 18 turning 19 this year now.
all i can say is, for most of the girls that i have really liked, i'm always just a good friend to them. i used to and sometimes think, why is life always so unfair, why is it so hard to find that special someone for me. the girls that i were in a relationship with were short, lasting only a few months, and i was never REALLY happy with them.
now, i think i should wait for the special one for me. because, it seems the harder i try to look for her, the further she runs away from me.
sigh. -
i understand where you're coming from, i may not have tried hard enough.Originally posted by binarynwitz:Fate plays its hand in a most cruel way, but you must understand that in the end, it is still all in your hand, all inside you to change your surrounding, and your well being.
The moment you stop trying, is the moment you start dying.
but guess what, i have learned to let go. no matter how much i felt like she was the perfect one for me, i decided to let go, if i still love her 5 years down the road, then that'll be another story. i choose to not "waste" my youth trying and failing and trying and failing. -
they treat you as their good friend because you're something special to them , and to be in love relationships would make this bond something fragile , because you never know if you might last . deep down , they're afraid they might lose this really good friend that they have in you if your love relationship fails , because no matter what , lovers that have become friends again will never be as close friends as before .Originally posted by coffeeortea:right, so i'll give a very brief intro of my love life cause im gonna hit the sack real soon. i'll come back to clear things up tomorrow though.
ever since pri sch, i was attracted to this one girl, even while i left singapore to study overseas, and came back during sec sch. nothing really happened in pri sch but then in sec sch was where it all started.
i was really shy back in pri sch, and then i only had the balls in sec sch to ask her out and stuff. soon enough, we got really close, all the way till sec 3. having late night suppers and going over to each other's place for meals. i still remember the night when she said she was kinda hungry at 2 am, and i said brb on msn, and showed up at her doorstep with the food that she likes.
" omg are you crazy? i was just saying but i didn't really mean it "
" well i am crazy, but its ok la if you don't want it i can always bring it home and give it to someone else ( i said this in a really joking manner, already beaming at the sight of her, i always do this, cause i realised its easier to treat girls that i like as friends to avoid any awkwardness )"
"come in la silly but don't make too much noise cause my bro's sleeping"
so i stepped in and for the first time, i felt kinda nervous. no matter how much i convinced myself that she is a friend, another voice in my head keeps saying "omfg this is the girl that you had a crush on since pri sch all the way till now!! its been what 5 years?". then i got kinda nervous and i was kinda quiet in her room initially while she was eating. she broke the silence by asking if i wanted some, and i jokingly said " only if you'd feed me ". she rolled her eyes and fed me anyway.
so then the night ended and she walked me out to flag a cab. though the walk was about 5 mins, many thoughts were already racing through my head. should i pop the question? that i had longed to ask for ages.
no.. yes.. no.. yes.. no... what if she says no? what if she says yes? should i give her a hug? what would i do? i don't know what to do, someone please help me.
we reached the main road and there was barely a taxi in sight. so we started talking, about how school was like. we were from different schools, yet we still managed to keep in contact, and even better, become close friends. maybe a little too close, you'll know when u read on.
" hey X, there's something i feel that you should know. i know this is kinda sudden but i need to let you know that i'm in love with you, ever since the day i met you in pri sch, and throughout the time i was in the states, i was missing you, and i each day, i look forward to coming back to singapore to see you again. when you emailed to ask how i was doing over in usa, and you left your number so that i could contact you when i was back, i was overjoyed, i felt euphoric and i thought i was the luckiest boy alive. after being through so much, i really wish that you would give me a chance, to shower you with all the love and care that i can provide you with. i want to spend time with you, go through thick and thin with you, and i feel that without you, my life is incomplete."
she looked at me with her darling eyes.
"omg, this is so unexpected.. i always thought we were really good friends, i really loved it that way, and im really thankful that i have you as one of my closer friends. you know i don't like relationships, at least for now, and i haven't had one for 3 years because i feel that i'm not ready yet. i'm... sorry."
i kinda expected that answer already, so i just smiled at her.
"it's okay, i understand. i think you better go home now, it's really late and i'll just wait here for a taxi."
"but you'll be alone here and i don't really see any taxis around"
i smile at her again and say
"i'm really fine, here let me walk you back home then"
"then what about y..."
"shhhh, i'm ok so don't worry"
so i walked her all the way back to her unit, and before i left, she said
" hey.. call me when you're home safe ok "
i smiled back
"sure"
so when i reached home, i gave her a call.
"hey i'm back home, whats up piggy?"
the awkward silence that never happens before set in again.
"oh about just now, i'm sorry and i really hope you'll give me time, i'm just.. not ready yet"
"oh i'm fine, don't worry about it, i'm just kinda tired now and i really wanna sleep so i'll talk to you soon."
"ah.. ok.. sweet dreams you.. "
"byee"
after i hung up, i just laid on my bed, i was devastated. that was my first fall, and a real big one too. so then life went on normally, and i continued pursuing her, until one day, when i asked her the question yet another time. she said
"yknow something, i always thought that you were and still are one of the best friends that i could ever have, and you hold a special place in my heart. the thing is, i never want to lose you as a friend ever. i hope you understand"
from then on, i knew we could never be together, it still haunts me sometimes, even till now, cause i think she was the perfect one for me. i finally gave up 2 years go after about 7 years, im 18 turning 19 this year now.
all i can say is, for most of the girls that i have really liked, i'm always just a good friend to them. i used to and sometimes think, why is life always so unfair, why is it so hard to find that special someone for me. the girls that i were in a relationship with were short, lasting only a few months, and i was never REALLY happy with them.
now, i think i should wait for the special one for me. because, it seems the harder i try to look for her, the further she runs away from me.
sigh.
then again , there will always be someone special out there , waiting for you . dont give up yea (: -
thank you, that made me feel really happy =)Originally posted by kiseki:they treat you as their good friend because you're something special to them , and to be in love relationships would make this bond something fragile , because you never know if you might last . deep down , they're afraid they might lose this really good friend that they have in you if your love relationship fails , because no matter what , lovers that have become friends again will never be as close friends as before .
then again , there will always be someone special out there , waiting for you . dont give up yea (: -
Wha biang break and patch, then break then patch... Sheesh... Such complications but otherwise, touching.
I'll post mine tomorrow... Sigh, gotta relive the pain again...
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To have love and lost... is better than to never have been loved at all.
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Mine is 4 years... very very long-winded story.. i think one day, i cannot finish the story...
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binarynwitz - your story reminds me one of my experience. nt because it is veri similar, bt somehow it makes me tink abt my own first love.
do you still hav feeling for N nw?still love her? must be a huge blow to you..
like me indeed it is hard to forget..i will post mine one day. ill try to keep tt short. thks for sharing your story. -
Your join date is on the 13th, and your nick is resurrected. Your signature is "why be afraid of death".Originally posted by resurrected:binarynwitz - your story reminds me one of my experience. nt because it is veri similar, bt somehow it makes me tink abt my own first love.
do you still hav feeling for N nw?still love her? must be a huge blow to you..
like me indeed it is hard to forget..i will post mine one day. ill try to keep tt short. thks for sharing your story.
And 13th August is the first day of the seventh month.
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I can't say if I still love her, but I can say I haven't forgotten her. -
Move on with life and don't lost the confident!
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gd observation. i did nt notice...bt 13aug happen to mark one year after i broke up with my ex. tt is partly why alot of thoughts come to mind when i was readin this.Originally posted by binarynwitz:Your join date is on the 13th, and your nick is resurrected. Your signature is "why be afraid of death".
And 13th August is the first day of the seventh month.
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I can't say if I still love her, but I can say I haven't forgotten her.
took me a couple of months to let her go...nt at all easy. bt after its over and you look back, things are a bit diff. you must nt fail to see tt she's nt the only one.
good luck
rathcycle coffeeortea: just read your contributions too. unanswered questions and unspoken words.. -
Wow. This sounds like heartbreak hotel. I'll contribute a moment etched in memory for a long time to come.
“You are now the boy with a telescope that never left his room.”
“The boy with a telescope that never left his room, but I look further.”
“Yep that is what you do when you climb a mountain. Nothing heavy on your back to slow you down.”
“We’re all mad novelists.”
“The past is a novel someone else wrote.”
As I recall, that was the last time we met. And pretty much the last telling conversation we had.