THE HEMORRHOIDS WORSHIPPERS
WHO ARE THEY ?
PLEASE READ ON TO FIND THE ANSWER.
For instance, we know that you will want to hear the story about the golden hemorrhoids.
T: Hemorrhoids?
A: Yes, the Israelites accepted golden images of hemorrhoids, that is, golden hemorrhoids, which were placed in the ark of the covenant.
Moderator: Just as we ended this last session, right before the news, Mr. Murray, you said that the Bible revealed the worship of hemorrhoids. Now, don't you think that's a low blow?
A: Again, all we do is to respond to what either you, as moderator, or the listeners, ask.
M: But hemorrhoids being worshipped? And that's in the Bible? Now, nowl
A: This is exactly what we want to point out. Few people realize what .this book, which they call the Bible, is.
M: Well, I'll venture to say that you go too far; you interpret how you want to interpret.
T: That's right. I've noticed that in these Atheists. Instead of taking the proper interpretation of the Good Book, they want to make some freaky thing out of the words of the Lord.
A: Oh boy! Are you asking for it. Again and again and again we need to caution you to know your material before you make this kind of remark.
T: I have been reading the Bible for over forty years now, and I can tell you that there is no mention of this filth in the Good Book at all.
A: Do you have your Bible there?
f: It is always beside me. I know that every person is in need of the strength of the Good Book.
A: Well, you know the story that Moses allegedly, at the age of fourscore years (that's 80 years old), had a fight with the Pharoah of Egypt and allegedly managed to rescue the Jews from Egypt. He then took them and wandered around in the desert for 40 years. During that time he went up onto a mountain in the wilderness, when he was anywhere from 100 to 120 years old, and received a great number of commandments from a Jewish tribal god and he gave them all to the tribal people whom.. he had been leading around in the desert. And, when Moses was listing all the things that could happen to anyone who disobeyed god, he listed, among other things, that god had warned that he would smite such persons with hemorrhoids.
T: He did not. The Lord God would not do such a thing.
A: Why donÂ’t you just read Deuteronomy 28. You said you have your Bible there. Read from about verse 24 to about - oh, verse 27.
T: You always want to take everything out of context. You just want to read one or two verses.
A: What does your minister do every Sunday? Does he read the whole chapter?
T: That's different.
A: How?
T: He's a man of God, and he is teaching us with chapter and verse.
A: We're teaching you, too. Go ahead and read the entire chapter then. We don't care. It is rather long, but --
Moderator: Now we must have time to get more question in here. Caller, if you will just read a verse or two, you can check this out later in greater depth. What verse was it you wanted him to read, Mr. Murray ?
A: Read Deuteronomy 28:27.
T: "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, ar emerods [hemorrhoids], and with the scab, and with the itch thou canst not be healed."
A: That's right, and I see that you are reading
from the King James version ofthe Bible. Do you know what that means?
T: ItÂ’s the Saint James. It was translated from the original into English by Saint James.
A: There is no original Bible. The one you are reading from is one of the hundreds of versions which have been put out. Actually, it was King James of England who, in 1604, decided to put a stop to all the arguments about the English text, appointed 54 so-called Biblical authorities and had a text made which was approved by the Church of England. ThatÂ’s what you have in your hands. There are many other versions.
But the important point is that you have read
from your own bible which belongs to you, that the lord would smite anyone who disobeyed him with the botch of Egypt, the hemorrhoids, with the scab and the itch. That sounds like herpes, doesn't it?
But that's not the point we wanted to make. Your god smites with hemorrhoids for being disobedient.
T: (Reluctantly) Well, yes, it does say that.
A: Now, let's get to what happened with one particular instance of such smiting. If you will turn to 1 Samuel 5, this book tells about the time during the ministry of Samuel as a prophet, a priest, and a judge. He was, allegedly, the founder of the school of the prophets'. That makes him a big cheese.
T: It is NOT scholarly to talk like this.
A: But your Bible is not scholarship, so we Atheists can address it any way we want to address it, and we can guarantee that the address will never be a respectful one. This book deserves no respect from anyone.
The Philistines had captured the ark of the covenant, which “god’” was incapable of protecting, and they took it back to their city,Ashod. (The ark is described elsewhere in the Bible as a box, about the size of a coffin.) So, god smote everyone in the city with hemorrhoids.' That’s in verse 6. "But the hand of the Lord was heavy upon them of Ashod and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods (hemorrhoids)even Ashdod and the coasts thereof." The situation was then that everyone was dead ("... he destroyed them... ") but at the same time all these corpses were running around with hemorrhoids and there was no Preparation H in sight.
T: Will you stop that! I'm going to turn off my radio.
(To the moderator) How can you permit this to go on air?
A: Therefore the Philistines decided to get rid of
the ark and they picked it up and carried it hither and thither. So, the Lord smote them again, and that’s in verse 9. Remember, they were all dead already and they all had been smitten with hemorrhoids.” And it was so, that, after they had carried it ( the reference is to the ark) about, the hand of the Lord was against the city with a great destruction: and he smote the men of the city both small and great and they had emerods (hemorrhoids) in their secret parts. “ Now, this was the second bath of hemorhoids he laid on them, but this time he gave hemorrhoids to the little boys, too, even though everyone was dead.
And the people cried out to get rid of the ark and they went to the lords of the Philistines and said, “ Get rid of the ark.” Then in verse 12,” And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods (hemor-hoids )[This is the third time god smote them with hemorrhoids; and now some of those who had died, had not died.] and the cry of the city went up to heaven." That is, within a day, first the city and the entire shore, then the men small and great, and then every man who had not died -- although everyone had died -- were all smitten with hemorrhoids. But they kept the ark, and presumably the hemorrhoids, for seven months.
Incidentally, all through the Bible these horror stories are repeated. The people involved were either 1.) excessively stubborn 2) stupid, beyond belief, 3) masochistic, or 4) all three. God has to whip a dreadful punishment on a king, or a tribe, or an individual before any of them will listen. Throughout the Bible, everyone ignores god and goes on his way. I say " his" because generally the references are to men; usually women are not important in the Bible.
But after seven months, the Philistines decided to return the ark to the Jews and to put inside a trespass offering. And here is what that trespass offering was, from 1 Samuel 6:4, "Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods [ hemorrhoids], and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines, for one plague was on you all, and on your lords. (5) Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods [hemorrhoids], and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land."
Doing exactly as directed, they made golden images of their hemorrhoids and of the mice and they put them in the ark. Then they put the ark on a cart and they took the cart, driven by kine (that means "cows"), and took it into Bethshemesh into Joshua's field. And when the Jews there decided to look into the ark to see what they had received, here is what happened. This is still chapter 6 of 1 Samuel, but now, verse 19. "And he (that is, god) smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the Lord, even he smote of the people fifty thousand three score and ten men: and the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter." Therefore, some other Jews had to fetch the ark back to the house of Abinadab. For all anyone knows those five golden images of hemorrhoids from five persons remained in the ark for all times; it may be that they are still there today, wherever that ark is.
Now, you tell us what god wanted with five golden hemorrhoid images and why he would slaughter 50,070 innocent men, his own Jews, because they looked in a box? He simply didn't want them to see the golden hemorrhoids?
T: The ways of the Lord are inscrutable.
A: That's a cop out. Recently there was a Christian adventure film released which has come to be quite a box office draw. The title of Raiders of The Lost Ark. In that was told the story of an alleged recent finding of the ark of the covenant. We just wonder why the film were not honest enough to show that the ark contained golden hemorrhoids all this time.
T: You people need to be taken off the airways. If God wanted he wanted that. It is not ours to reason why, God moves in mysterious ways.
I have another question.
A: First, tell me how 50,070 persons could gather around an ark, farmer's field and look inside of it. Do you go to football games?
T: Of course. Every man in America goes to football games.
A: The Houston Astrodome holds about 50,000 persons. Have up ever been there?
T: I was at a Houston Oilers' gome there.
A: Could you please tell me how all of those persons could, at time, look into a little box on that field, a box about as big as an ordinary coffin? And, what would you think of a god who would strike everyone at that game for look into the box?
Can you imagine 50,070 people in the Houston Astrodome struck dead? What could be done with all those bodies? Even the modern hospitals in Houston could not receive them. The mortuaries there are not capable of handling that many corpses. Think of the problem of removing them from the stadium before they began to bloat and rot. But, the Bible wafts that many bodies away with no difficulties.
T: I am not going to permit you to criticize my Bible. Every time we mention the Good Book, you start your blasphemy.
A: Do you know what the word "blasphemy" means? It simply means irreverence, showing a lack of reverence toward something considered sacred or inviolable. Atheists don't "revere" anything. To revere means to fear, or to respect through fear.
Nothing is "sacred" to the searching minds of Atheists. Your Bible your god, your churches, your belief system all need to be analyzed critically.
Everything about you, your god and your Bible,
goes back to an acceptance "on faith," that is, without proof of whatever is told to you by the clergy. who twist the truth into exact opposites
DonÂ’t you know that you are a Christian Zombie and you are incapable of independent thinking. You are being brainwashed by the Vampires of Jesus Christ into believing that everyword from the Bible is a revelation from God. It puzzles me as to how stupid and gullible human beings are....they willing to pay tithes to the church to have their minds chained by the churcy.
THE TRUTH SEEKERS