Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace...
If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’…
If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’…
If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’…
If you don’t know how it could possibly be done call it a ‘challenge’ or an ‘exciting opportunity’…
If you want to confuse people, ask them about ‘customers’…
If you don’t know how to do something, ‘empower’ someone else to do it for you…
If you can’t take decisions, ‘create space’ for others to operate…
If you need a decision, call a ‘workshop’ to ‘network’ and ‘ground
the issue’, followed by an ‘awayday’ to ‘position the elephant in the room’ and achieve ‘buy-in’…
Never criticize or boast, call it ‘information sharing’…
Never call something a failure or mistake, its a ‘positive learning experience’…
Never argue, have an ‘adult conversation’…
Here are some helpful ways to get along at the workplace...
If you canÂ’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nightsÂ…
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the buttÂ…
DonÂ’t be irreplaceable, if you canÂ’t be replaced, you canÂ’t be promotedÂ…
It doesnÂ’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say youÂ’ve done and what youÂ’re going to doÂ…
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did beforeÂ…
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to getÂ…
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and wear a lab coatÂ…
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the dayÂ…
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselvesÂ…
If at first you donÂ’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about itÂ…
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the officeÂ…
Keep your bossÂ’s boss off your bossÂ’s backÂ…
Everything can be filed under “pending.”…
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hourÂ…
To err is human, to forgive is not our policyÂ…
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isnÂ’t the work he/she is supposed to be doingÂ…
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mailÂ…
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of itÂ…
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your deskÂ…
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldnÂ’tÂ…
If it wasnÂ’t for the last minute, nothing would get doneÂ…
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carryingÂ…
When you donÂ’t know what to do, walk fast and look worriedÂ…
Following the rules will not get the job doneÂ…
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rulesÂ…
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”…
No matter how much you do, you never do enoughÂ…
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrongÂ…