D:5 top ten ways to die
-
10. Eating yourself
This method of death was originally invented when a guy wondered what a circle of snakes eating each other would look like with one person. It sounds kind of complex at first, but it's actually very simple. First grab your foot and stick it into your mouth. So far so good? No you can't spit out the corn. Now, begin sucking with full strength, for those of you who practice the ancient art of kitten huffing this should be pretty easy. Some people tend to get stuck at their ankles or knees. For these people I would recommend dieing another way, for the rest of you just keep sucking till you've got nothing left to suck.
9. elect george bush again
Good job idiot. We're all dead. Why is this on the top ten list? Because at least this way there's some irony to it.
8. Watch oprah winfrey shows(reality shows too)
This is by far the hardest way to die on the list. First, you must gain immunity to her. The only way to gain immunity to her stupid outbursts and ridiculous face is to watch the show constantly. For instruction on how to achieve this, you will need to find a master, such as a rich soccer mom(rare, thought to be extinct), poor soccer mom(commonly found on all city corners wearing mismatching clothes, though you'll need money for this), or even any women who actually enjoys the womens channel(strangely a common sight). Once you have trained with one of the 3 masters, you must sit and watch an entire episode of Oprah while enjoying it. Death is often slow and very very painful. It's sort of like jamming a pitchfork up your butt.
7. Jamming a pitchfork up your butt
A well-known method of dieing, it's been around since the middle-ages. Early farmers would sit a pitch fork in the ground and jump off of buildings, ladders, and even people, onto the pitchforks, with their butts out. However, thats a little too old fashioned for most people, so I've found a better way. First you'll need to sneak into a carnival at night, with pitch fork in hand. Find the fastest, most unrepaired, ugly ride you can. Jam the pitchfork in an appropriate position(for you idiots who plan to die by #9, that means with the point end up). Turn on the ride, quickly jump aboard, wait till you're in just the right spot then hurtle yourself into the pitchfork, preferable butt first, but if you want you can substitute with your face. Either way, the cops won't know who you are on the morning of your discovery, after a week of you being mistaken for a scarecrow of some sort. -
6. Chinese food and Mexican Food, the lethal combonation
Some people may be suspicious of this method, but it makes perfect sense when you think about it. Everyone knows that chinese food makes you hungry even after you ate a whole plate or two, and that Mexican food gives you major gas. Combine the two, and wham you're unable to stop eating and building up gas, a ticking bomb as much as C4 or Macintosh computers. Simply get as much chinese food, including the classic rice-that-never-fills, and some Mexican food, nothing specific it all gives you gas. Then put them both on the same plate and dig in, within 5 hours you'll still be eating and ready to explode. Now there are many ways to burst the bubble, the only incorrect way is to pass gas or burp. Both of these methods are strictly forbidden, simply because that would release the gasses you spent building up. Instead it's much better to try body slamming concrete, running in front of fast moving cars, or dropping heavy stuff on yourself. Upon death, you will leave your mark on the plant, as the acidic gas leaves burn marks and melts metal around you. Truly, a magnificent way to die.
5. Worship God, Or Don't
Either way you're gonna die. Oh, sorry did I give away the ending? Anyhow this method is pretty self-explanitory.
4. Feel Good before you go
This isn't really so much a method of dieing, so much as it is a good idea as to what to do before you die. The most important part of death is remembering all the fun stuff you'd done before you died. So because most people's lives suck, I would recommend that do some of the following: make a mess in every public bathroom you enter, stand in doorways telling people you don't feel like moving, grease the monkey bars at all playgrounds, follow random people all the way into their house, wait in the bushes with paintball gun during mischief night(you know what to do from there), brag to everyone about how you got the lastest version of AOL for free in the mail, lick door knobs right before people can leave the room, randomly scream "PMS!" at the top of your lungs, and many more things would be exceptable.
3. Live to be 100 yrs old
This one only reached the top 3 because if you've accomplished this, you've probably killed a heck-of-a-lot of people to get that far. You gain 12 more exp points if imagine you can fly and jump out a 10+ story building, preferable from one of the higher floors. -
2. Tell a LotR/Harry Potter/Star trekwars fan that the movies sucked
a like there's a chance in hell I could tell you from experience how this goes. No way I'm risking eternal death, these guys will summon an army of invisible ghosts to kill you, while one of the gayer looking ones shoots you with his bow, and the short fat one trips down a hill and never returns. Then the others will turn you into all sorts of useless things, like frogs and frogs. The last of the bunch will lift you with their force powers then stun you to death with their corny looking mini-vacuums that they think are some form of guns. And even if you have resurrection potions they'll kill you every time you come back. These losers may be weak and puny but they have quite an imagination, you'll probably suffocate as you watch them cast endless spells at you with no effect, or can't figure out what the malfunction with their laser guns "lethal" setting is. *Update* I recently obtained a documented case of some one using this technique for dieing, here's a qoute: "If you don't stop laughing I'll set this baby to Lethal, no more stun for you!" This is a blissful way to die, knowing others were stupid enough to fall for such stupid shows and movies.
1. Waste your time till you die
This has yet to be posted, I'm working on it as you read this, please refresh the page every ten seconds till it's updated.
source from: http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Top_10_ways_to_die
edited by: deathy boy