friends can be so hurting at times.
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i've always thought that she would be a life-long friend of mine. one who'd be there to pass me the wedding band i need to place on my man's ring finger. one who'd be there to god-mother my children. one who'd sit by my side as we knit little socks for our gradnchildren while discussing who has grown the most white hairs in the past year.
but, apparently, she's proving to be a score-keeping acquaintance over the past 3 years. keeping score here means, that she is remembering the social exchanges that occur between us. she does something nice for me, she expects the same, if not a bit more to be done to her. it's as though i was a mere investment to her, knowing for sure that i will reciprocate dearly if she but puts in a little effort in the friendship.
i thought that perhaps i was wrong to think that of her. and i felt extremely guilty when that thought first occurred to me. i've repeatedly suppressed that sentiment, willing, instead, to believe that if i continued to treat her truly, she would eventually treat me truly as well.
alas, things were not to be. after we grad from JC and went to separate Uni, we've gone on for months without any form of contact. it was as if she didnt need me anymore. and i slowly learnt to cope without her. the few social exchanges we had were not enjoyable, always leaving me feeling as if i have once again been made use of. i began to lose faith in this friendship, but somewhere deep inside, i never wanted to lose it. she was, afterall, a friend i held dear to my heart.
one month ago, just before the study break, she suddenly msned me out of the blue (after like 3 months of no contact), and ask me when my exams end and whether i wanna go out after the exams. i was elated, thinking maybe i'm not losing her friendship afterall. so i happily told her i wanna go sing someday.
one week after her exams ended and i didnt hear anything from her (she said she will tell me when she free to go out, cos she's doing summer school). and then, when her birthday came, she smsed me if i wanna go out.
that's all well and good. we always treat each other to something for our birthdays, mostly dinner (and at some place quite expensive for me, but she wun tolerate anything less. but since it's only once a year for her bday, i always went with it.)
this time, i suggested Klunch, cos i wanted to sing. then she confirmed who's going to pay for this (she wun ask this if we were going out without any occasion), and then asked if i will be treating her to lunch as well (she didnt know klunch also got include lunch).
so i told her also got include lunch. and she went:
har.... liddat a bit loogy leh.
/bitter smile
what was i supposed to think?
so long she never hear from me, and the first time she initiated a social exchange, it was for her birthday treat. am i a mere tool to be exploited to her?
with a very heavy heart, i ask myself:
do i still want this friend? -
i understand...
some people are like this, i for one am like this to a certain extent. these people are more controlled by their mind than heart and emotions. and in 1 way selfish.
there are always friends who will leave our life, just accept it lor. friends come, friends go, but enemies accumulate.
take it easy, you just have to decide if this friend is worthy to be your friend anot. you see people having friends, for like many many years, but once get married have children liao, the friends also more or less gone liao what.
sometimes stuff like this makes you lose faith in having friends, especially those who you think are very practical. but try to forget and move on ba. what for make your life miserable over someone who exploits you? -
It depends if u want her as ur friend. What u get out of her ? if u weight more then her use , then i dont see why u cant drop her as ur friend if she is giving you all these ... feelings.
Once u start to calculate and weight each other, its hard already as friends to be on equal grounds. -
/pat pats starblue mei
I kinda understand how it feels la...I have also lost touch with most of my high school frens, even those who were with me for years, I haven't kept in touch with one of my bestest frens in high school last time for nearly a year now. And when they have weddings, get togethers, I am always the last one to know, means they will only notify me after the party was over
So I thought to myself, I can do without this kinda fren...need to find a new circle of frens who will be true to me
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hahaha this kind of friend can keep !
as an acquaintance!
next time u need something done, remember her for transactions ! -
she only remember u when she needs something from you.
i also have frens like that.
someone i regarded as 'buddy' since we were schooling.. in fact, there are 2 of them la. One of whom i only meet maybe once in a yr.. and everytime we arrange to meet, i muz be prepared that she will fly my kite and go meet someone else. The other one only calls me up when she needs me to go shopping with her, and give her a second opinion.. and waste my time. I change hp number le also never tell her.
im really xin hui yi leng le.. the frenship that i really treasure.. the someone i truly care about.. always give me this kind of treatment.. i also bo chup liao.. since they dun appreciate my efforts, dun treasure this friendship, so be it. I lead my own life lor. Without them, i still have other frens. I give you something, you dun appreciate, then i stop giving. No point zi tao mei qu. -
Friends who define material things(expensive gifts, social status etc...) as the criteria for friendship. These are not friends at all. Dump them.
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dump her
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i suppose i can do without this friend as well (heck, i HAVE been doing without her the past 3 years). but somehow, deep down, i know that i might never be able to totally reject her whenever she asks a favor.Originally posted by rainee:/pat pats starblue mei
I kinda understand how it feels la...I have also lost touch with most of my high school frens, even those who were with me for years, I haven't kept in touch with one of my bestest frens in high school last time for nearly a year now. And when they have weddings, get togethers, I am always the last one to know, means they will only notify me after the party was over
So I thought to myself, I can do without this kinda fren...need to find a new circle of frens who will be true to me
i'm kinda silly like that. once someone weasels into my heart, it seems they stick for a lifetime no matter what. -
haiz... sometimes i wonder if it's just me or are real friends truly hard to get.Originally posted by browniebaobao:she only remember u when she needs something from you.
i also have frens like that.
someone i regarded as 'buddy' since we were schooling.. in fact, there are 2 of them la. One of whom i only meet maybe once in a yr.. and everytime we arrange to meet, i muz be prepared that she will fly my kite and go meet someone else. The other one only calls me up when she needs me to go shopping with her, and give her a second opinion.. and waste my time. I change hp number le also never tell her.
im really xin hui yi leng le.. the frenship that i really treasure.. the someone i truly care about.. always give me this kind of treatment.. i also bo chup liao.. since they dun appreciate my efforts, dun treasure this friendship, so be it. I lead my own life lor. Without them, i still have other frens. I give you something, you dun appreciate, then i stop giving. No point zi tao mei qu. -
come come. i be your friend, no strings attached.
i could use some older friends 
did i just say use -
you can find more better etiquette friends -
in light of this topic, just felt like re-producing a mail i typed to a friend here:
yeah yeah, i know... i also very long never reply le... truth is, i dun feel like replying. i dun feel like having friends anymore.
yeah, i think i might be in my worst depression case ever. but you dun have to hear all that bitching. suffice to say that i am decidedly tired of waning friendships and insincere, unrepenting assholes.
but pray, dun let my moods dampen your holiday pleasures. cos although i say this is my Great Depression, i dun FEEL depressed as you probably understand it. i mean, i am still enjoying my hols, watching hilarious or heartwrenching korean dramas and awaiting the commencement of my honours project with a run-of-the-mill enthusiasm an average college student possesses. in fact, i reckon i'm holding up pretty well, considering the debilitating circumstances that surround and suffocate me.
but maybe i really need that long-overdued chocolate therapy soon. you know, just to help me grasp at the last coherent stream of my reality. (you realise that that last sentence can mean a lot, or precisely nothing at all). i wonder if that cocopox i had this morning could be counted towards a healthy induction of endorphins in my system. i supposed not, for i have had but 10 miserable "poxes" (i also wonder what possessed me to eat ONLY 10. perhaps in my keen desperation to do something totally unexpected by society, i was prompted to be creatively insane in the most mundane of chores.)
alas, i have done nothing but blabbed to you what i had initially intended to refrain from blabbing --- utter bullshit written in tedious prose, a product, i believe, of the devil's workshop.
but i assure you that i am as intact-minded as the next individual (unless, of cos, you picked my dad). and i will engage you in more light-hearted converse when the sun rises in my world again. until then, i wish you well. -
unless i meet you face to face (not for a long long time, if i were to be utterly honest with you), and get to know you personally, i can never call you a true friend. but thanks for the sentiment.Originally posted by bladez87:come come. i be your friend, no strings attached.
i could use some older friends did i just say use -
Your best friend one day will become your worst enemy. Trust me.
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Good friends:
1. People who are wise.
2. People who are humble.
3. People who say things of value.
Bad friends:
1. Greedy people. e.g always ask for free lunch/dinner/gifts
2. Perverts. e.g only ask for sex
3. Arrogant people. e.g always bragging
4. Foolish people. e.g always get conned by others then beg you to help them, and never learn their lesson.
5. People who argue all the time over small things.
6. Revengeful/petty people. e.g everytime "keep score".
7. Liars. e.g smooth talkers that cheat others. -
you watch too much tv...life is really so much simplerOriginally posted by Darkness_hacker99:Your best friend one day will become your worst enemy. Trust me. -
Just accept the fact that there's such people out there, who want something from you. Such friends no need to be too close together, no matter whatever the past holds for you two. The past after all is the past.Originally posted by starblue:unless i meet you face to face (not for a long long time, if i were to be utterly honest with you), and get to know you personally, i can never call you a true friend. but thanks for the sentiment.
So what level of friend am I? -
haha. i agree. nah. just trying to cheer you up.Originally posted by starblue:unless i meet you face to face (not for a long long time, if i were to be utterly honest with you), and get to know you personally, i can never call you a true friend. but thanks for the sentiment.
from the way i see it, our path in life has just intersect, but we not taking that route. maybe 1 day i will see you on the road of life. haha. but then, still you got us forumers around... -
But why does it happens to me all the time?Originally posted by bladez87:you watch too much tv...life is really so much simpler
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i only lost contact with friends who i grew up with. got 1 backstab me somehow...but well...Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:But why does it happens to me all the time?
life aint like the dramas where got plot and stuff -
they are..Originally posted by starblue:haiz... sometimes i wonder if it's just me or are real friends truly hard to get.
well, perhaps if you really wanna 'test' this friend of yours, you can try doing the same thing to her...i.e. getting her to treat u to various stuff, then see how she respond.. -
I never ask friends to treat or test thier loyalties etc. If they are really ur friends , they will prove it to u themselves in thier own time.Originally posted by mystiv:they are..
well, perhaps if you really wanna 'test' this friend of yours, you can try doing the same thing to her...i.e. getting her to treat u to various stuff, then see how she respond.. -
but abit bad la...when ppl pamper u, u dun even wan to pamper that same person...
for me , i always try to top whatever my friends did for me la..then they will also try to top my contribution..more like game -
1. Greedy people. e.g always ask for free lunch/dinner/gifts - checked
2. Perverts. e.g only ask for sex - blank
3. Arrogant people. e.g always bragging - checked
4. Foolish people. e.g always get conned by others then beg you to help them, and never learn their lesson. - blank
5. People who argue all the time over small things. - checked
6. Revengeful/petty people. e.g everytime "keep score". - checked (for ppl i dun like, friends then dun care)
7. Liars. e.g smooth talkers that cheat others. - checked
im a bad friend...but those are more for jokes within my circle of friends, not to be taken seriously