Doggy Jokes and Stories
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Any jokes or stories you encounter with regards to dogs ... you can post here and share with everyone!
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My Dog, Sex
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Everybody who has a dog calls him 'Rover' or 'Spot' I made the mistake of calling mine 'Sex'.
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, 'I'd like to have one too!' Then I said, 'But this is for a dog.' He said, 'I don't care what she looks like.' Then I said, 'You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old.' He said, 'You must have been quite a kid.'
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. Not wanting the dog to bother us, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, 'You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.' The clerk said, 'Me too.'
One day I entered Sex in a dog show, before the competition began, Another contestant asked me what I was doing. I told him that I planned to have Sex in the show. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. When I asked if the show was televised he called me a pervert.
I left my dog at the Veterinarian. When I went to pick him up I said, 'I've come for my dog.' She said, 'Which one, Spot or Rover?' I said, 'What about Sex?' She slapped me. After I straightened out the misunderstanding, I asked if Sex was good for her. She slapped me again.
Sex ran away, I went to the dog pound. As I was looking in all the cages the operator up to me. I said I'm looking for Sex. He said I was looking in all the wrong places.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, 'Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.' He said, 'What's your point, so did I.' I said, 'But my wife wants to take Sex away.' He said, 'That's what happens in a divorce.'
Last night Sex ran off. I spent hours looking for him all over town. A cop came over to me and asked, 'What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?' I said I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up on Friday.
I hope u liked it! -
Eat Dogs
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Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?" -
the "hot" part lohOriginally posted by BabyLover:Eat Dogs
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Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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nothing to do with dogs leh
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wahaha...can la... "dog" related jokes wat...Originally posted by poon cho tang:nothing to do with dogs leh
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The Three Dogs
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Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep.
The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes on. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!" -
yeah,...the "dog" can be replaced by any other things like cat, baby, etcOriginally posted by BabyLover:wahaha...can la... "dog" related jokes wat... -
*staple pct mouth*Originally posted by poon cho tang:yeah,...the "dog" can be replaced by any other things like cat, baby, etc -
set dogs on pct betterOriginally posted by BabyLover:*staple pct mouth* -
funny jokes...
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whahaha...good one bblover~
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Lolz.. the jokes were funny.. but too bad I can't laugh out in e office...
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A U.S. Customs agent and her dog are on a plane. After it takes off, the agent turns to the dog and commands, “Sniff.”
The K-9 trots down the aisle and sits next to a teenager. It then returns to the woman and puts one paw on her arm.
“Is that dog checking for drugs?” asks a man sitting beside her.
“Yes he is. He just found someone carrying marijuana,” she explains. “We’ll arrest him upon arrival.”
“Wow!” replies the man.
She again commands the dog to sniff. It trots back down the aisle and moments later races back and craps all over the place.
“What happened?” yells the man.
The agent screams, “He just found a bomb!” -
hehe.. 10q 10q~~
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since the ancient times. dogs n cats have always been at war.
one day the dogs of the world decided to hold a meeting on ways to get rid of the cats.
they all met in a huge warehouse in the country. but to make the meetg orderly n to stop them from wantg hump one another. they had to leave their balls at the reception, to be collected on their way out.
halfway through the meeting. the cats, upon getg information about the meeting of the dogs, decided to secretly attack the dogs when they least expected.
all the dogs were shocked at the attack n ran outa the warehouse grabbing any pair of balls they could lay their paws on.
thats why till today... dogs still go around sniffing each others privvies. they are still looking for their own set of balls... -
looking for their balls? tats funny... -
x2Originally posted by MeoW_MeoW: looking for their balls? tats funny... -
Seeing eye dogs
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Two guys are walking their dogs;
one guy had a Doberman, the other a Chihuahua.
As they were walking, they passed a bar and wanted to get in. But there was a sign in the window that said: NO PETS ALLOWED!
So the guy with the Doberman said, "Let's go in as blind men with seeing-eye dogs!" They agreed that the guy with the oberman would go in first. The first guy told the barkeep that the Doberman was his seeing-eye dog, so he got in. When the second guy tried to get in, the barkeep said, "Excuse me sir but, Chihuahuas aren't seeing-eye dogs!"
And the second guy said," WHAT? THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!!" -
Medical tests
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A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests." -
not exactly a joke...
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i prefer the 3 person and a dog one...funny....
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whr got 3 person n 1dog joke?Originally posted by cindtan29:i prefer the 3 person and a dog one...funny.... -
Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep.Originally posted by skeujin:whr got 3 person n 1dog joke?
The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes on. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"
Now u see it.... -
tts 3 persons and 3 dogs...Originally posted by cindtan29:Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep.
The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes on. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"
Now u see it....