How to be kind & compassionate to people who doesnt deserve
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Originally posted by the Bear:
i could not help but write something because i was drawn by the topic title...
i'm not buddhist, i'm catholic..
but we believe in this: be kind and compassionate to those who least deserve it because they are the ones who most need it..
at least that's what my parish priest taught... and that's what Mother Teresa did with her life..
Wonderful.. wonderfully said.
Once, during a retreat conducted by Zen Master Bankei, where many students from all over gathered to learn, one of them was caught stealing red-handed. The matter was promptly reported to Bankei, followed by the request to expel the thief. However, Bankei ignored the suggestion. A while later, the same student was again caught stealing. To the shock of the others, Bankei continued to disregard the crime. This led the students to petition for his dismissal, without which they would leave the retreat together.
After reading the petition, Bankei calmly addressed his students. 'You are wise brothers. You know what is right and what is not right. You may go somewhere else to study if you wish, but this poor brother does not even know right from wrong. Who will teach him if I do not? I am going to keep him here even if all the rest of you leave.' Upon hearing that, the thief wept in total remorse.
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O dawnfirstslight
I am a little taken back by your honest comment to leave the temple after the incident. I applaud you for raising the issue to the monk so that he can take the necessary action to protect the community. However, by leaving the temple, I felt that it is rather an unnecessary step. I hope you can recall what does a Sangha means. A community of believer that come together and learn. Perhaps we can learn from the older generation, though they can’t share the dharma in eloquent words in this forums yet their perseverance in the spiritual endeavour deserves my utmost respect.
I remember when I was in Singapore Buddhist Lodge dinning my wife. An old lady sat beside us and chat with us. She shares about her regular practice. Subsequently, a commotion broke out at another table over the food issue which was a norm. The lady just said, “å°‘è§�多怪, a common scene.” I enquiry further, “Don’t you find it is a distraction to disturb the peace of this place.” Well, she answered, “My objective of coming here is to do recitation and practice. Whatever negative remarks or things I see or hear, I will not take it to heart. ” That statement puts me to shame. How many times when we encounter unpleasant things in the Sangha, we take it upon ourselves and back out. Perhaps is time to let go of the past, arise and go forward to once again share with your temple in words and deeds in 2011!
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Originally posted by reborn76:
O dawnfirstslight
I am a little taken back by your honest comment to leave the temple after the incident. I applaud you for raising the issue to the monk so that he can take the necessary action to protect the community. However, by leaving the temple, I felt that it is rather an unnecessary step. I hope you can recall what does a Sangha means. A community of believer that come together and learn. Perhaps we can learn from the older generation, though they can’t share the dharma in eloquent words in this forums yet their perseverance in the spiritual endeavour deserves my utmost respect.
I remember when I was in Singapore Buddhist Lodge dinning my wife. An old lady sat beside us and chat with us. She shares about her regular practice. Subsequently, a commotion broke out at another table over the food issue which was a norm. The lady just said, “å°‘è§�多怪, a common scene.” I enquiry further, “Don’t you find it is a distraction to disturb the peace of this place.” Well, she answered, “My objective of coming here is to do recitation and practice. Whatever negative remarks or things I see or hear, I will not take it to heart. ” That statement puts me to shame. How many times when we encounter unpleasant things in the Sangha, we take it upon ourselves and back out. Perhaps is time to let go of the past, arise and go forward to once again share with your temple in words and deeds in 2011!
Yeah, the monk told me the same thing. I understand that the real temple (�场）is acutally in our heart. If I'm 定, nothing can affect me. More to learn and it is not easy. Anyway, there are many nice temples with nice people in Singapore.There is an ex-Christian who puts me to shame. She is a more junior (in term of years) Buddhist than me. She stays on and did not back out from this temple and Buddhism though that person gave her a hard time. She stays on to make this temple a better place by encouraging others who are affected to stay on. In fact, she was the 1st person who brought up the matter to the monk but the monk thought was an isolated case till I brought it up to him again.
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Originally posted by reborn76:
I enquiry further, “Don’t you find it is a distraction to disturb the peace of this place.” Well, she answered, “My objective of coming here is to do recitation and practice. Whatever negative remarks or things I see or hear, I will not take it to heart. ”
very nice teaching, thanks.
when we are attending buddhist events, it is natural that we see all kinds of people. But if we keep a mental commentary of their good and bad points on in our heart, then how can our recitation of sutra/mantra/Buddha name etc be pure and yield real merits?
Only when the heart goes fully into the recitation can it realise the function of the chanting... so it is a good habit to cultivate to not find faults with others. It only soils your own inner purity and definitely creates fan nao (mental afflictions). That is why before one can attain concentration, one has to keep precepts... not finding fault with others is keeping precepts. precepts guard the mind against gross mental afflictions so that mind can be calm and look into itself.
As lay practitioners, our conditions are filled always with people with great mental afflictions. If we don't learn to guard our own minds, but follow the circumstance and our judging nature, then our practice will never progress. So this old lady is a good example for us to learn.
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Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
I think it depends very much on what is the intention of discussing faults of others. 慧律 fashi ever discussed faults of another Buddhist leader who did not preach true Buddhism and advised us not to believe what that leader said. He was doing the right thing though he was discussing the faults of others. So far, he is the most outspoken Buddhist leader who dare to speak up for the sake of Buddhism.
it's okay if he's doing a dharma talk and discussing relative truth. MCK also do that on a surface level. and on a deeper level, if u read the thread and the stanza by Enlightended masters, it is more on a profound personal cultivation and realisation.If you are a true cultivator,
You see not the faults of the world;
If you see the wrongs of others,
You have fallen into the wrong path.
Others find fault but I do not,
If I find fault then I am at fault;
Only remove this fault finding mind,
And all Kleshas would be broken. --Master Hui Neng
若真修�人 ��世间过agreed we don't encourage wrong doing. yet we respect all beings, including evil doers, have Buddha nature. they are just lost. we don't do condemnation.
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Originally posted by sinweiy:
it's okay if he's doing a dharma talk and discussing relative truth. MCK also do that on a surface level. and on a deeper level, if u read the thread and the stanza by Enlightended masters, it is more on a profound personal cultivation and realisation.agreed we don't encourage wrong doing. yet we respect all beings, including evil doers, have Buddha nature. they are just lost. we don't do condemnation.
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I agree that we don't condemn the evil doers but I encourage Buddhists to speak up and correct the evil doers. I had done my part in encouraging the newly converted Buddhists not to lose faith in Buddhism just because of 1 person who gave them hard time. However, I can't be going round telling people all the time. So, the best thing to do is to correct the evil doer.
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i see. i think MCK mentioned that u can tell the doer twice, prefered in personal rather than in public, but if they stubborn and cannot change, can forget it. as it wouldn't be nice if things turn ugly and both of u become future enermies. they will also hinder one's cultivation later on.
i think this is still surface level human to human stuff. personally, i see them as samples for our learning process. 三人行 必有我之师. when we see a good person, we are encourage to follow their good example. but when we see a bad person, we are encourage NOT to follow their bad example. if one is put inside an all good enviroment, then without a mirror reflection of the bad, also cannot learn anything. this is what i see, to learn. :-)
we can also see how Buddha deal with Devadatta. we all know Devadatta as a very bad person, where normal bad doing cannot compare. after all the bad doing, in the end, Buddha talk in Lotus sutra on Devadatta's attainment of Buddhahood.
http://nichiren.info/buddhism/lotussutra/text/chap12.html
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but its hard to practise this to those nasty and bad person. personally I find it difficult, because in my mind, I find them rotten to the core and despicable. but I am also blinded to the fact that they have good points as well. maybe I should see them in this way, their behavouirs and actions are contemptible, not themselves who are despicable.
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According to the Lotus Sutra, all sentient beings have buddha nature. Even the dreaded nemesis of Shakyamuni buddha - Devadatta. The buddha revealed that many aeons and lifetimes ago, he had learned the Law from Devadatta. What did this mean? Yes, even the most evil persons have buddha nature. In short, your enemies have buddha nature too. Respect that and forgive them. If possible, lead them to the correct path!
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as i heard from old master, an interesting info...about Devadatta is that even though he's in avici hell, he's not suffering at all. in fact he's experience the happiness of Trayastrimsa heaven. this can be complicated to understand. even though Devadatta treated the Buddha badly, Buddha never hold a least bit of grouch on Devadatta. on the contrary, Buddha was grateful to Devadatta, for suceeding His tolerance. and for Buddha's gratefulness, Devadatta had accumulated great merit 满业. Devadatta reborn in avici hell was due to his 引业, created karma that attracted him to hell.
for another example. a pet under an owner nowaday are well pampered. reborn in animal realm was it's "attracted" karma 引业 and being treated well was it's accumulated merit karma 满业.
also some being might be reborn in heaven, but they can also be less fortunate than the very fortunate people in human realm.
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Originally posted by sinweiy:
as i heard from old master, an interesting info...about Devadatta is that even though he's in avici hell, he's not suffering at all. in fact he's experience the happiness of Trayastrimsa heaven. this can be complicated to understand. even though Devadatta treated the Buddha badly, Buddha never hold a least bit of grouch on Devadatta. on the contrary, Buddha was grateful to Devadatta, for suceeding His tolerance. and for Buddha's gratefulness, Devadatta had accumulated great merit 满业. Devadatta reborn in avici hell was due to his 引业, created karma that attracted him to hell.
for another example. a pet under an owner nowaday are well pampered. reborn in animal realm was it's "attracted" karma 引业 and being treated well was it's accumulated merit karma 满业.
also some being might be reborn in heaven, but they can also be less fortunate than the very fortunate people in human realm.
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Though I don't quite understand what is 引业and满业 but it is true that people in some parts of Africa are starving but the pet dogs or cats are leading a better life than them.
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The Buddha's compassion was extended to all. Realizing this, we must have great compassion towards all beings too....including people we dun like, we still must extend our compassion to them.
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i also think compassion is better in solving problem than usage of violence or anything that is related to violation. violation can't solve problem, it only contribute to more continuing hatred. non-condemnation is more in line with eastern thinking. in TCM we say 解毒 which mean to solve the poison by using balance. but western thinking is 消毒, to destroy the poison. then the poison come back again.
in the past there was a case where the ruler order to destroy Buddhism, and killed a lot of monks. However, the monks did not oppose the governor. they did not break the precepts. later people of the world knew about the case, and saw how good this buddhists were. and they understood that Buddhism is a religion of compassion and not a religion of violence. they accepted and allow Buddhism to grow in their own country as they know Buddhists are good citizens, and Dharma is good teaching.
so we see how the precepts and compasions/love save buddhism in a long run. if the monks start to oppose the ruler, then people of the world will start to think badly about Buddhism per se. then Buddhism will disappear faster.
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Originally posted by sinweiy:
i also think compassion is better in solving problem than usage of violence or anything that is related to violation. violation can't solve problem, it only contribute to more continuing hatred. non-condemnation is more in line with eastern thinking. in TCM we say 解毒 which mean to solve the poison by using balance. but western thinking is 消毒, to destroy the poison. then the poison come back again.
in the past there was a case where the ruler order to destroy Buddhism, and killed a lot of monks. However, the monks did not oppose the governor. they did not break the precepts. later people of the world knew about the case, and saw how good this buddhists were. and they understood that Buddhism is a religion of compassion and not a religion of violence. they accepted and allow Buddhism to grow in their own country as they know Buddhists are good citizens, and Dharma is good teaching.
so we see how the precepts and compasions/love save buddhism in a long run. if the monks start to oppose the ruler, then people of the world will start to think badly about Buddhism per se. then Buddhism will disappear faster.
sometimes an instance of violence may be required to solve certain problemsas the saying goes " spare the rod and spoil the child"
not all are born with a understand of life even when they are aged.
how many can understand love?
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Originally posted by seyKai:
sometimes an instance of violence may be required to solve certain problemsas the saying goes " spare the rod and spoil the child"
not all are born with a understand of life even when they are aged.
how many can understand love?
yes, there's the Wrathful Bodhisattva Path, pretty high level stuff. all but not least, it's still out of unconditional love that the force are use. like a mother teaching her child out of love for the child.
ps: the recent protest by monks are signs of degeneration.
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O wisdom eye
I am not worthy to teach.
juz my 2 cents opinion from my personal reading and reflection.Gassho
Namu Myo Ho Renge Kyo
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How do u know who is worth it or not? Scientists found that forgiving people use less energy than hate.
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Originally posted by Pinknutri:
...but the pet dogs or cats are leading a better life...
in their previous life they did charities and good deed, but they still like to get angry easily.
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to state it clearly and obviously for war criminals....i would rather have them punished by the court legally....if anyone of them escaped....i would rather that he be hunted and be executed with the law in our own hands....
measure for measure....if kindness and compassion rules the day on this particular issue...we might as well abolish all legal systems ... there would be no need of it...and let criminals run amok without punishments....let moralists teach with profits in their pockets without being punished....
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Originally posted by Fcukpap:
to state it clearly and obviously for war criminals....i would rather have them punished by the court legally....if anyone of them escaped....i would rather that he be hunted and be executed with the law in our own hands....
measure for measure....if kindness and compassion rules the day on this particular issue...we might as well abolish all legal systems ... there would be no need of it...and let criminals run amok without punishments....let moralists teach with profits in their pockets without being punished....
One thing good about being kind and compassion is helps prevent the situations of creating a lot of criminals from arising in the first place.
Kindness and compassion is'nt about touchy and feely sort of showing emotion. It must be tempered with wisdom to the best of ability, it is also about individual accountabilty. One must be accountable for one's own actions.
Also, ever heard of "spare the rod and spoil the child"? Does that mean you are unkind and uncompassionate to the child?
Legal system are deterrents, and changes with the times. As long as there are more than one person, concept of self interest exist. Laws and regulations are meant to preserve status quo, and give a measure of equitability and some recompense to the victims.
It is the stronger that bullies people, it is also the strong that protects people. Both emerges from the weak, what values do you wish to inculcate?
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At the end of the day, if one is kind and compassionate, one do not have to suffer the residual influence of one's anger and hate, neither will the people whom one interacts with.
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natural also have it's own law, reward and punishment . in buddhism we call it - law of karma. not even gods and "Buddha" can go around the law of karma.
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Yup. So by doing good deeds, one can lessen the bad karma and accumulate good fortune.