Is it ok to tell a white lie?
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in a social gathering, guys will usually drink wine/liquor/beer. when they force or buy you drinks, you declined, but they insisted, so do you tell them a white lie like, you have kidney problem, so cant drink beer.
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Best not to lie at all. Once we are used to telling white lies, we may start to be ok with grey lies, and then black lies... Even if we were to tell only white lies, it will already implicate the trust that other people give us.
Use another method, keeping silent, or just say you don't want. There is no obligation to give a reason or to be forced to drink in any situation.
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initially i will just tell them i no longer drink, they will be insisting and persuading and i just go into open eye meditation haha. it will take some getting used to. after some time my friends all know i no longer drink and don't force me anymore. of cos sometimes they will say things like 'bey steady' etc, i'll usually just reply ' u also bey steady, know i dun drink liao still wanna force me'
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what about if girls said, you are an ah gua or you aint a man. if you are a man, drink it then. will you feel pissed?
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as far as I know Buddha used his skilful means to lead Nanda, to the path of arhats if he attain enlightenment, he promised him fairies from heaven. when nanda became enlightened, buddha said his promise to Nanda was released the moment he attained enlightenment. any parallels on this?
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Friendship, fellowship, and all influences are bore moment by moment as a rung on an endless ladder, as each step we take in life is built on what has gone before. Relationships built upon the foundations of deception only serve the ephemeral qualities of wantonness, which are no more sustainable than a wandering puff of breathe. As deception germinates the imposter of ego, not out of dignity but the compassion for all, truth becomes you.
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
what about if girls said, you are an ah gua or you aint a man. if you are a man, drink it then. will you feel pissed?
nope.
manliness have got nth to do with drinking.
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Originally posted by ChoCoChips:
nope.
manliness have got nth to do with drinking.
of course, but the ger suan you in front of so many people. dun u feel pissed or angry?
same goes for smoking, or what have you.
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
of course, but the ger suan you in front of so many people. dun u feel pissed or angry?
same goes for smoking, or what have you.
nope.
it's oni drinking.
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Originally posted by ChoCoChips:
nope.
it's oni drinking.
yes u r rite. if you do not respond or reply to the sarcasm, there is nothing to it, unless you are provoked into making a response. the best policy is to ignore and it will just go to pass isnt it. -
sianzz, all moi life am tryin to prove ima Man .. real mAn..
But alas, all efforts is wasted. Now i has a sad :(
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Originally posted by AtlasWept:
Friendship, fellowship, and all influences are bore moment by moment as a rung on an endless ladder, as each step we take in life is built on what has gone before. Relationships built upon the foundations of deception only serve the ephemeral qualities of wantonness, which are no more sustainable than a wandering puff of breathe. As deception germinates the imposter of ego, not out of dignity but the compassion for all, truth becomes you.
AtlasWept made a good point.
What is a 'man'? What is a 'woman'? A temporary combination of bones, blood and all sorts of impurity. This life you are a 'man' (or 'woman'), when you turned into bones and ashes, who are 'you'?
From the diamond sutra...
"...no mark of self,
no mark of others,
no mark of sentient beings,
and no mark of a life span..."
Let go of the notion of self and others. Then there will be no one to around to piss you off, and no one to be piss off.
Something extra...
An interesting extract from one of Venerable Master Hsuan Hua's talks...
A cultivator should not have the mark of self, the mark of others, the mark of living beings, or the mark of a life span. Not having the mark of self doesn’t mean that when it’s time to work, you make everyone else work. Not having the mark of others doesn’t mean when it’s time to eat, you say, "I have no mark of others, so it’s no problem if I eat more." You may not have the mark of others, but other people do have the mark of others. Or perhaps when you are fighting, you claim to have no mark of living beings, or when you eat meat, you say you have no mark of a life span. That’s wrong. Those are all improper ways of thinking. What’s the right way?
Have no mark of self: Don’t be arrogant, and don’t scheme for your own benefit.
Have no mark of others: Don’t impede or obstruct other people. If something does not benefit others, don’t do it.Have no mark of living beings: Regard all creatures as being of the same substance. Everyone has the right to live.
Have no mark of a life span: Don’t take the lives of other people or other beings.
So in cultivation, we should never seek anything for ourselves or scheme for our own benefit. We should always try to think on behalf of others. -
Guys like this has very little love. In fact, I never met guys of such low quality :D Probably is your bad karma. Meditate often like Om Mani Padme Hum or Amitofo and contribute in kind to the well beings of society.
Instead of telling kidney problem, it achieves greater shocking result to tell them you got benign throat cancer as the liquor/wine travelling to the kidney is longer distance than the throat :p -
Actually, instead of analysing the symptoms, why not look at it from a more fundamental angle:
Like attracts Like. If our social circle is mainly of a certain 'pattern' that we're not totally comfortable with, then perhaps it's time to think what sort of person are we, and what sort of person do we want to be?
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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When I go gathering, I will straight away tell that I am a non-drinker, also a vegetarian if people ask me to drink.
Why must we hide and tell a white lie ?
If we are really sincere in cultivating ourself and abide to the 5 precepts, I will not see any difficultty at all to reveal the truth.
Or If I think the gathering is too rowdy or the people are not very understanding, in the first place I will not go.
That is the basis of cultivation. It all comes from your ownself.
If your cultivation is weak, why you care other people call you not 'manly'.
Are you going to tell me you are going to break your five precepts and show your manliness ? Very silly and immature.
rgds
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Falling into peer pressure is the most 'unmanly' thing.
You mean you aren't 'man enough' to have your own will and view?
If you don't want to drink, who cares about what others think, they don't own your life you know.
Just tell them you are strongly against alcohol.
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Be a man, do the right thing!
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Originally posted by Rainbow Jigsaw:
Actually, instead of analysing the symptoms, why not look at it from a more fundamental angle:
Like attracts Like. If our social circle is mainly of a certain 'pattern' that we're not totally comfortable with, then perhaps it's time to think what sort of person are we, and what sort of person do we want to be?
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
Hmm TS stated that he was forced to drink in a social gathering.... How bout friend's wedding dinner? Sometimes don't drink seems not giving face to friends...I think it's more important to be ourselves... but we must be "mentally resistant" to external pressure...
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
Be a man, do the right thing!
russell peters...! LOL -
If you value the company you are keeping, tell them you don't drink up front, but accept the offer of beers or other graciously. Anyway, take sips that don't allow the glass to be topped up.The message will get through, eventually. Don't treat the alcohol like poison, as it is off putting socially.
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Is there even a standard that everyone subscribes to? What is ok to you may not be ok for some...................
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You should feel comfortable in a group setting, and not to be made uncomfortable by having to conform to peer pressure. However, there should be certain conformity which attracts you to the group in the first place!
Anyway,if a group gets drunk all the time is not healthy place to be in !