February 21st 1966
IÂ’m so terrified!!! The A level examinations results will be out today. Despite Wee TeckÂ’s constant assurance since a week before, IÂ’m still as nervous as ever. Getting good results was the only ticket to university. Money wasnÂ’t enough in the family; Father had said mentioned that earlier.
“Ah Choo, you know we are not a well-off family. There isn’t much money left for your siblings’ education if I send you to university. The only way is to get a scholarship. But from what I see, its best you stop studying and go find a job to lighten the family burden. Besides, I don’t see why a girl has to study so much. In the end, you’ll have to get married and have kids. You don’t need a university degree to do that.”
Argh! How could Father say that? WhatÂ’s wrong with a girl going into university? He is such a male chauvinist! I donÂ’t plan to get married so soon anyway, let alone having children.
Miraculously, IÂ’ve gotten an A for Mathematics! But all the credit goes to my Wee Teck darling. Without his patient coaching I would have done so well for my least favorite subject. However, my overall grades are not good enough for me to apply for a scholarship to study in university. Probably itÂ’s fated that I wouldnÂ’t be able to carry on my education. It is just so unfair.
I was practically dragging myself to the National Library to meet Wee Teck. I stood under the willow tree, waiting for him, thinking about my future. God knows how desperately I want to get a degree, but nowÂ… with my results. ItÂ’s impossible. Guess itÂ’s time I find a job and like Father said, to help lighten the load.
“Hey lovely. Thinking about me?”
“A little. I was thinking of job hunting tomorrow. By the way, how’s your result? Must be pretty good. “
“Not really, but I’ll make it into university though. I’m sorry, my dear.”
“Huh? Sorry about what? It’s not your fault that I can’t get into university. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ll just get a job.”
“Hmm… I’ll convince my parents to loan you the money set aside for my university fees. I won’t need it now since I’ll still have to serve NS. Isn’t that a great idea?”
“No, Wee Teck. I can’t use the money for your education. It’s your parents’ hard earned money and I know they don’t have much to spare either. Even if I really loan the money from them, I won’t be able to pay them back.”
“But……”
“No buts… I’ll find a job as soon as possible.”
October 21st 1966
ItÂ’s our first anniversary today. I canÂ’t believe IÂ’ve known Wee Teck for a year and to have been so lucky to meet such a wonderful guy. It just seemed like yesterday when I went to the National Library and saw my darling at the table studying. Being with Wee Teck and knowing him is the best thing which ever happened in my life.
I decided that every year on the day of our anniversary we should make it a point to visit the National Library together. After all, without the library, we wouldnÂ’t be together.
I was puzzled why Wee Teck fixed our anniversary on the 21st of October (we first met in the library) instead of 21st of December, when we first went steady.
“My dear Poh Choo, it’s because I fell in love with you on the 21st of October and was already madly in love with you by the 21st of December.”
We spent the whole together at the library and had dinner at the hawker centre nearby. I understand that Wee Teck didnÂ’t get a lot of money while serving NS. But it didnÂ’t matter to me at all. As long as I was together with Wee Teck, the food didnÂ’t matter, the atmosphere didnÂ’t matter. Nothing mattered. Only Wee Teck mattered.
October 21st 1967
Wee Teck said he had a surprised planned for me. Boy! I canÂ’t wait to see him tonight.
He brought me to a restaurant for dinner. But compared to the ones I went together with Choong Boon (big bossÂ’ son) previously, it was simply pathetic. The lightings werenÂ’t right, the food wasnÂ’t up to standard, the cutlery set wasnÂ’t properly cleaned and the plates were chipped. How could Wee Teck bring me to such a restaurant? DonÂ’t tell me this was the surprise he had planned? It was utterly disappointing.
I barely touched the food on the plate and pushed it aside.
Wee Teck asked:” Why aren’t you eating? Are you not feeling well?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yes, I’m perfectly alright, just that I had a heavy lunch today.”
“Oh ok, then don’t waste.” Wee Teck took over my plate and finished the rest of the food left.
I starred at him. Is this the Wee Teck I used to know? Since when has he become such a cheapo? It was so embarrassing. While he was gobbling down the horrible-tasting food (if you call it food), I quickly asked for the bill before Wee Teck embarrassed me even further.
By the time Wee Teck paid the bill, it was already very late. I suggested taking the taxi instead of the bus as I was really tired after a long day at work. But Wee Teck thought it was too expensive and told me to take the bus instead. Fine, I gave in to him. I didnÂ’t want to argue with him on our anniversary and quietly waited for the bus.
“Erm, Poh Choo. I’ve got something to do later on. I won’t be able to send you home tonight.”
“What? It’s already so late and you want me to go home on my own? Don’t you even care about my safety?”
“I’m sorry Poh Choo. It’s really important.”
“What could be more important than your girlfriend? If it’s really important, then what are you still doing here for? Just go and do your very important stuff!”
“Ok, then I’ll go. You be careful Poh Choo. Happy Anniversary. Bye.”
“Fine. Go. Go. Go!”
October 21st 1968
It has been raining non-stop today and itÂ’s my third anniversary with Wee Teck. He had arranged to celebrate our anniversary at the National Library once again. DoesnÂ’t he realize that itÂ’s boring to keep going to the library? In fact thereÂ’s nothing over there, only books and one lousy hawker centre beside it. Nothing captivating.
This year, he has hinted heÂ’ll be giving me a surprise once again. SighÂ… I wished it would be something good this time. Last yearÂ’s anniversary was a disaster.
The rain still didnÂ’t stop when I left the office and Choong Boon offered me a lift to the National Library. I gladly accepted his offer, because I donÂ’t want to be drenched from head to toe. I knew Choong Boon was interested in me, I could sense it. He would always treat us (the company employees) out for lunch, but at the table he would be more attentive to my needs. Always asking what I wanted to eat. He would bring us to many different high class restaurants to taste the different cuisine, recommending us what is delicious. With him, everything was an eye opener. And he owning a car was definitely a bonus. He would always offer me a ride home. Well, IÂ’m grateful for that as least I donÂ’t have to drag myself back everyday after work. But the best of all was, he was the big bossÂ’ son. HmmÂ… Perhaps giving Choong Boon a chance didnÂ’t seem like such a bad ideaÂ…
“Choong Boon, could you please wait here for me for a little while? I’ll be back soon.”
“Ok sure.”
I alighted from the car, running towards the hawker centre, in the rain, in search of Wee Teck. There I see him sitting in front of the ‘tau huay’ stall, as usual. He was fiddling with something in his hand. When he saw me approaching, he quickly stuffed it into his shirt pocket and smiled brightly at me.
“Happy 3rd anniversary dear! I can’t believe we have been together for so long.”
“Yes, perhaps it’s a little too long……”
“What makes you say that? We’ve still got a long way ahead. Are you feeling alright today? Feeling very stress at work? Perhaps I could accompany you for a short break over to Malaysia?”
“Let’s break up, Wee Teck. I’m sorry.”
Upon saying this, I left the table. Wthout turning back, i made my way back to Choong BoonÂ’s car.
October 20th 1990
ItÂ’s been years since I left Singapore, after I married Choong Boon and migrated to Australia. About a month ago, Choong Boon decided to come back to Singapore to relocate his main office here instead of Australia. He said Singapore is after all our home. Besides, weÂ’ll be closer to our family here.
WellÂ… so here I am with my family back in Singapore. Singapore has definitely changed a lot ever since we left. I could barely recognize the surroundings. Walking along Orchard Road was like a walk down memory lane.
Suddenly I saw a familiar figure walking towards meÂ… IÂ’m not sure if itÂ’s her. ItÂ’s been more than 20 years since I saw her. My gaze caught her eyes. And IÂ’m sure its Wee TengÂ… she didnÂ’t age much, still the tall, willowy Wee Teng.
“20 years huh, Wee Teng? It’s been 20 years since I last saw you. How have you been?”
“Oh my my, is that you, Poh Choo? It really has been a long time, more than 20 years. I heard you migrated to Australia many years ago.”
“Yes, but my family and I are back in Singapore for good. Choong Boon decided to relocate his business here. So how is Wee Tec…”
But my question was disrupted by a loud *HORN*
A young chap shouted from the car:”MOM! It’s a non-parking zone. Could you please hurry?”
“I’m sorry Poh Choo. But I have to go now……”
“Ok sure,” I said, as I quickly scribbled down my address and telephone number on a piece of paper. “Here’s my address and number. Give me a call when you are free. Take care, Wee Teng. Bye.”
Seeing Wee Teng again, brought back memories of times with Wee Teck. Wee Teng looked so much like her brother, tall and both of them have those same sincere eyes. ItÂ’s been some time ever since I thought about Wee Teck, I wonder how is he doing now? HeÂ’s probably happily married, and has more than 4 children. I remembered he used to love children a lot, besides heÂ’s a natural with them.
October 21st 1990
Today is my wedding anniversary. Choong Boon and the children have booked a table for dinner at Ritz Carlton. I was just choosing my attire for the special evening when the doorbell rang. Wonder who could that be?
“Good afternoon, madam. There’s a package for Madam Lim Poh Choo. Could you please sign for it?”
A package for me? *Haha* It must be either Choong Boon or the children who send me a present for the wedding anniversary. I opened the package. Inside were a nicely sealed envelope and a few books, which looked really old and yellow. Now, why would they send me such old books? I gently opened the envelope and inside laid a letter, addressed to me.
“Dear Poh Choo,
It has really been a surprise to see you again along Orchard Road yesterday, after 20 years. IÂ’m glad to see that you are living so happily.
I know this must have seemed very abrupt of me to send you this package, but please forgive me, because IÂ’m migrating to the United States and IÂ’ll be flying off today. These diaries do not belong to me; they belong to my brother, Wee Teck. Perhaps your memories of him have faded as the time passes. But Poh Choo, he never did ever forget you. You were in his mind, in his heart all the while, even after you got married. It hurt him so much to see you married off with another person, but he loved you. He truly loved you so much, enough to let you go. He didnÂ’t think much of his own feelings but he felt that as long as you were happy, he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness in exchange for yours.
After you left, Wee Teck would go to the National Library on the 21st of October, every year without fail, to wait for your return. No matter rain or shine. Because he believed that one day, you will remember the pact you made to visit the library with him. He had been doing that faithfully every year. 10 years ago, Wee Teck went to the National Library, like he did every year on the 21th of October......
It was raining heavily that very day.
Wee Teck had stayed till the library closed at 9pm before leaving. He had a bowl of ‘tau huay’ before making his way back home, in the rain. He was walking along the road, when a drunken driver lost control of his car and knocked him down. Beside him, we found his bag and it contained these diaries.
Wee Teck was seriously injured and has been in coma since then. The actual reason of us migrating to United States is: WeÂ’ve found a doctor who diagnosed that there might be a chance that he may regain conscious. Even though itÂ’s a slim chance of him recovering, we are willing to risk it. It pains us even more to see the once lively Wee Teck being bounded to the bed and unaware of the incidents happening around him.
It never crossed my mind to ever get to meet you again. I had planned to leave these diaries behind and bury the sad memories. Perhaps it was fate, which we actually got to meet yesterday. I finally decided to send you these diaries and help Wee Teck express his feelings to you, before leaving for his treatment, that you actually mean a lot to him.
DonÂ’t be sad, Poh Choo. ItÂ’s already all in the past. And donÂ’t blame yourself for Wee TeckÂ’s predicament. It was an accident, an accident that all of us didnÂ’t want it to happen. ItÂ’s the drunken driverÂ’s fault, not yours and not Wee TeckÂ’s either. There is no fault for loving someone deeply. Right now, we only pray for Wee TeckÂ’s recovery.
I wish you a happy future ahead with your family. Till we meet again, take care. Bless you.
Best Regards,
Wee Teng.
Wee TeckÂ…Â… My dear Wee TeckÂ…Â… I hadnÂ’t realized he had loved me so deeply. I couldnÂ’t stop the tears from flowing. I couldnÂ’t believe Wee Teck is in coma. IÂ’ve always thought of him living happily with a family of his own. I didnÂ’t know after all these years; he was still waiting for me. Wee TeckÂ… Wee TeckÂ… Why were you so silly? I am not worth all the wait, the hurt and the sadness I brought upon you. I donÂ’t understand why you were so willing to give up your happiness for me?
I picked up one of the diaries in the package and flipped to the latest entryÂ…Â…
October 21st 1975
Dear Poh Choo,
Today was supposed to be our 10th anniversary; ironically this is also the 6th year since you have left me. Although these years you werenÂ’t by my side, you were inside here all the while, deeply rooted in my heart.
Every year I would come by here, to the National Library to wait for you. I will always remember that you made a deal with me that we would visit the library on our anniversary. Have you forgotten that? For IÂ’ve been waiting for you faithfully to come back one day.
The National Library has undergone a lot of upgrading. It isn’t the National Library it used to be. The hawker centre is no longer there, out ‘tau huay’ stall has since moved to Selegie Road. The reference section where we used to study together has now been renovated and is now a children’s section.
You see, Poh Choo? Everything has changed, but IÂ’m still Wee Teck; your Wee Teck.
You probably didnÂ’t realize it. But I was at your wedding and I looked at you from afar. Boy, you were the most beautiful bride IÂ’ve ever saw, much more beautiful than I imagined. It broke my heart to see you were getting married another guy. But I had so badly wanted to see you in the wedding gown. Even though the groom wasnÂ’t me, I still wish you happiness and a blissful marriage.
Why did you choose to leave me, Poh Choo? What have I done wrong? Why didnÂ’t you give me another chance? I would have tried my very best to change for the better. Why break up with me on the very day I planned to propose to you? I had spotted the ring a few weeks before; I knew the ring was meant just for you. I could picture you wearing it. Mrs. TanÂ…Â… My Poh Choo would be known as Mrs. Tan Wee Teck. I was bursting with happiness just at the though of it. But the price of the ring was way beyond what I could afford. It was after much persuasion did the boss allow me to pay for the ring by installment. If only you had accepted itÂ…Â…
I had been saving for a few weeks before I could bring you to that restaurant to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. It was only when the bill was brought to me did I realize that I didnÂ’t have enough money on me. My dear, I knew youÂ’ll be angry if you knew I couldnÂ’t pay for the bill and I didnÂ’t want you to be angry over such a trivial matter. I wanted you to be happy on our anniversary. Of course I was worried about your safety. I worry about you more than anyone else in the face of this world. But still I couldnÂ’t send you home. I had to go back to the restaurant to do the dishes; otherwise we would be arrested. That night I left the restaurant at 2am, after washing all the dishes. I walked all the way home cause I didnÂ’t have a single cent left on me. I was very tired, but it was worth it. I gave you a surprise and brought you to a decent restaurant and not to the hawker centre.
The day you agreed to be my girlfriend; was the happiest moment of my life. I almost couldnÂ’t believe it! I was overjoyed. When I went home, I told my family about the wonderful news: IÂ’ve gotten myself the most wonderful girlfriend in the entire world. I was grinning myself silly, even my mother asked me if my cheeks were sore from wearing the grin the whole time. *Hahaha* I couldnÂ’t contain my happiness at all; I spent the whole night tossing on the bed not believing my luck. The girl IÂ’ve been thinking about day and night has finally agreed to be my girlfriend. I could swear I was grinning in my sleep too.
Poh Choo, it just seemed like yesterday when I saw in the library for the first time. I still remember hearing you slam your books down on the table, giving me a little dimpled smile and an apologetic look. But yet right at this moment, you are so far away from me.
No matter where you are, I sincerely wish you happiness.
Always yours,
Wee Teck
P/S: IÂ’ll always be waiting for you here at the National Library, under the willow tree, on the 21st of October.
21st October 1991
ItÂ’s been a year since I last heard about Wee Teck. In this year, memories of the times spent with Wee Teck would always come into my mind. I feel so guilty for inflicting so much pain and hurt on him. What if I didnÂ’t choose to break up with him in the first place? Perhaps right now, Wee Teck would still be conscious. Perhaps we would still be togetherÂ…Â… PerhapsÂ…Â…
“Mom, you’ve got a letter for you from US.”
A letter from US! Could it be from Wee Teck? Is he alright now?
I opened the letter with shaking hands.
Dear Poh Choo,
How have you been in the past year? IÂ’ve got good news.
Wee TeckÂ’s treatment is very successful and he had just regained consciousness recently. However, due to the impact of the accident and being in coma for such a long time, he has lost all memories of the past. He couldnÂ’t even recognize us. But the doctor had said it was a miracle that he actually regained conscious.
Perhaps it might a good thing for Wee Teck after all; having forgotten about the past which he has been carrying for so long. He would be able to start afresh and lead a new life here in United States. DonÂ’t worry about Wee Teck, heÂ’s a strong person and I believe with our support and help, heÂ’ll be able to live a normal life once again.
Let go of the past and live for the future, Poh Choo. I'm sure Wee Teck would want you carry on living happily with ur life.
Take care,
Wee Teng