Ah Brat has got no more jokes....
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Who can contribute
Thank you
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hahaha
the topic is already a joke!!!
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A man was walking across the road when he met with an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be in a coma for 2 days.
When he opened his eyes, his wife was by his side.
He told her (in tears), "When I was struggling with my studies in the University, I failed again and again. Sometimes I even have to re-take my papers. You were there by my side, encouraging me to go on trying."
She squeezed his hands as he continued, "When I went for major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there, cutting out the job ads for me to apply..."
He added, " ...then I started working in this little firm and finally got a big contract. I blew it because of a small mistake. But you are still there for me." His wife was in tears.
The man said, "I finally got a job after being laid off for quite some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. You are still beside me..."
His wife's tears trickled down as she listened to him, "And now I met with an accident and when I woke up, you are here with me. There's something I'll really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed and hug her husband, sobbing with deep emotion.
Finally her husband said, "I think you bring me bad luck." -
Originally posted by cindtan29:hahaha
the topic is already a joke!!! 
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thank you ah carpe
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married – and now he is going thru hell.
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no prob... those are my last few jokes liao... the rest all posted...lolx... hahaahar~!!Originally posted by bratpig:thank you ah carpe -
thanksOriginally posted by carpe diem jur:no prob... those are my last few jokes liao... the rest all posted...lolx... hahaahar~!!
i'll go bug my friends for more emails -
A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent
1 Bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of womenÂ’s deodorant.
She then goes to the check out line.
Cashier: Oh, you must be single
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?" -
Originally posted by LuNAtIcfArKeR:A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent
1 Bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of womenÂ’s deodorant.
She then goes to the check out line.
Cashier: Oh, you must be single
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly! -
An announcement in Punjab Airways :
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your very handsome captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. Sorry we are four days late in taking off cos I had to do some overtime at the bakery. This is the one two six flight to New Delhi. We cannot guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be some where in the East. And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your village! A real Punjabi will land where he wants to, isn't that right brothers!
Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm.For safety reasons we will be counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We have a very good record for safety. In fact We are so safe even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I am pleased to tell you that over 50% of our passengers end up at their destination. For those of you who don't make it, don't worry, our staff have lots of experience consoling the next-of-kin. If, however,you are still worried then ask Stewardess Bubbly to tell you about our out of court settlements. We will do everything to make your journey an enjoyable one and even a surviving one!
If our engines are too noisy for you, don't worry, we'll turn them off! We even make your fall to earth pleasant by serving complimentary tea during free-fall! And for our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! Sadly, today's in-flight movie will not be shown because my son forgot to record it from the television. But if you really want to see a film then we will be glad to fly next to Air India so that you can look at their movie through the window.
Although there is no-smoking in this aeroplane, you may find that during the light you can see smoke in the cabin. Don't worry your good minds over this! It is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Yes, we are very advanced at Punjab Airways. Not only do we provide you with a life jacket but we also give a free bathing costume to the aunties and a swimming short to the uncles!
Some airlines are happy to fly thousands of feet over landmarks but not Punjab Airways! For your pleasure we try to get as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close then please let us know. Our co-pilot sometimes becomes too enthusiastic.
Remember that guy who crashed into the White House, well it is the same bloke! Now kindly sit on your seat and tie your belt. For those of you who can't find a belt please tie your own leather belt to the door handle. And for those of you who can't find a seat, sit on your suitcase instead.
Byt the way, this is a recorded Message. Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. We guarantee that we may not always take you on a flight but we'll definitely take you for a ride!"
HAVE A NICE JOURNEY ? ? ? -
An announcement in Lufthansa:
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the
captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have
lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such
an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the
plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of the plane...
"THANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA- " -
thanks ah gene -
An announcement in British Airways:
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,
you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the
co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message." -
No pro! Hope can brim sum laughter to every1 ard...hai, sad period of e month again....Originally posted by bratpig:
thanks ah gene
Koon liao...nite all! -
sad againOriginally posted by progene:No pro! Hope can brim sum laughter to every1 ard...hai, sad period of e month again....
Koon liao...nite all! what happened ah gene? wanna find uncle agony talk? -
ERm....nxt time ba...sum personal matter to sort out...life is so hard...nvm...Originally posted by bratpig:sad again what happened ah gene? wanna find uncle agony talk? -
A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore." "Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says. "Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it." The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars." The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain't even got electricity!" The second hillbilly said "My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain't even got runnin water!"
The third hillbilly said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there... and she ain't even got a dick!"
A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?" The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband." The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."