Dear Diary,
For a moment, I thought all was gone. I thought I should give up on my 'A' levels. I thought I shouldn't come for anymore papers.
Today is Day One, the first day of the Big As. This morning, I had a Mathematics paper and an excruciating Economics 3-essay paper in the afternoon.
The Mathematics paper.. already minused so many marks. I don't know why, suddenly I totally forgot how to do all those. I felt so useless this morning. I should know how to do all those! I'd been doing them for years! It's ridiculous for me not to be able to do the questions. I felt so stupid.
I really thought there wasn't anymore hope. I'd pinned all my hopes on Math paper 1, since it was all on pure math, while Paper 2, with statistics and all.. I could never excel at that.
I was feeling pretty hopeless for the afternoon paper too.. There was so much more I should study. But then I remembered, in the morning, a classmate whom I wasn't exactly close to, she came up to me and told me "Don't give up okay? Hang in there."
There are people who have put their hopes on me.. My seniors, my tutors, my friends..
So I went ahead after the Math paper... into the library and concentrated on preparations for the next paper.
I had only prepared half of all that we were supposed to study. I couldn't care anymore. I believed it was better if I continued to focus on what I'd prepared.
And so, as I sat down in front of the exam paper in the afternoon, I prayed so hard for the questions to be on what I'd studied.
Thank God. They ALL came out! The 3 chapters I had really really studied for! And so I went ahead, planning my essay before putting it into actual words...
I didn't manage to finish the paper. But I have really tried my best. Really. Maybe. But I really did all I could do... But I think my essays were badly written.. I lacked practice under such conditions. And I wrote too slowly.
But all is not lost..
I still have a chance to score at least a C if I do well in my MCQ, data response and case study.
Tomorrow's GP... I can do it!