I AM inspired by the recent turn of events to start my own charity. I shall name it the "mr brown fund" or mbf.
However, I had some trouble looking for a good cause, since in Singapore, many of the charities already have more than one version.
For example, there are two kidney foundations and two cancer funds.
So I thought and thought and thought, and finally found a cause that needed help.
I am going to set up a mr brown Gold Taps Fund (mbGTF).
I think expensive gold toilet taps have got some really bad press lately, what with the NKF furore and all. As a result, I am worried that the gold taps will be cast aside for cheaper taps, and then, these poor gold taps will be left without toilets to service.
My goal is to raise enough funds to help all shunned gold taps in Singapore find a good home, preferably in the executive toilets of top CEOs.
I estimate that we will be able to service about 3,000 beneficiaries, no wait, is it 2,000? I have to check.
Do not worry, I will not make the mistakes of others. My Gold Taps Fund will be a first class organisation. And I do not mean in terms of the kind of flights my staff and I will travel on. I mean first class in transparency.
In light of the current call for transparency, my Gold Tap Fund will lead the way and set a good example. We will be truly transparent. Our new building will be completely made of glass. The public will be able to see everything we do.
Even my toilet (shared, of course) will be made of glass. Like the basin, the bowl and the shower screen. Do not worry, the glass shower screen will be the budget kind.
For the sake of total disclosure, I will tell you that my salary as the CEO of Gold Tap Fund is a big fat zero. That may be peanuts to you, but I assure you, I will be a good caretaker of the fund, which at the moment stands at 50 cents (my wife donated just to shut me up, after I kept bugging her to contribute).
Since we are on the topic on peanuts, some people say peanuts are only fit for monkeys. But peanuts can help reduce heart disease and cholesterol, and can even fight cancer. So peanuts can be good for you. However, do stay away from salted peanuts, because too much salt is bad for your kidneys.
Okay, health sermon over.
I also wish to declare that, yes, my staff and I have access to chauffeured vehicles to do our jobs.
These large and expensive Mercedes-branded vehicles, driven by uniformed drivers, will serve us as we traverse the island of Singapore, in search of gold tap funding.
And to save money, all staff will be given ez-link cards, which allow them to travel on these chauffeured vehicles at a cheaper rate. Ever since the fare hike of buses and trains, it only makes sense to use ez-link instead of coins to travel. We don't want to spend more money than is necessary to operate our non-profit organisation.
Actually, it is not just gold taps that need your help.
I have this new Mercedes Benz 200, my personal car, which is a very poor thing. It is already time to send it for maintenance and road tax renewal, but because of all the recent hikes in petrol and ERP charges, I find that I do not have enough money to make it happen.
So please reach into your heart and donate so that this car will be roadworthy again. This will be a separate fund from the gold tap one. Just send me the money by post, cash preferred.
Gold taps are innocent victims of the NKF furore. All they want to do is to adorn the toilets of the rich and famous.
They should not be shunned, like outcasts of the toilet fittings community, but given a new lease of life as useful members of executive toilets and District 11 toilets.
Don't stop giving to charities, be it my Gold Tap Fund or other worthy causes. There are people out there who need our help, and unhappy though we may be at recent events, we still need to keep giving.
If you like, I will attempt to juggle three gold taps while balancing on a ball, if it can convince you to keep giving to those who cannot help themselves.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He is kidding about the charity he is starting so don't send money. And he owns a Mercedes Benz 200, in his dreams.
Dear, where u get this from ar? 
