A day in the mind of a gal like me...
-
Diarina,
Just got my time-table. Hate school. Holidays ending, about to start hating life...
Nothing to say. Nothing I want to say. Just that I am seriously contemplating suicide. If all the previous incidents are going to happen again, repeating history, really not sure if I can make it...
If I... ... ... I just want to let the world know, here lies a girl,who loves this world. Until school took it all away from her...
Depressed'
En' -
Diarina,
Went on my first 'ghost-hunting' trip today... Didn't see anything... Which is a good thing...Although I did hear something... A melody, very soft, soothing... at the kranji war memorial...
Then they took some photo, quite a few got orbs showing... Suprising really and unexpected... Fun!
haiz~ school starting soon...
Haunting melodies'
En' -
Diarina,
Just finish juicing the lemons, so tomorrow can make lemon tea
In case you are wondering why I go through so much fuss... Well, I don't really know... If i have my way, I'll start with planting the tea plant, harvesting the leaves, then brewing the tea... Since I don't have a green thumb, i suppose the instant tea bags would just have to suffice 
The room smells wonderfully of lemons right now... mmmmm....
Made my first batch of jelly. Testing out the recipe for a trifle... Wonder if it is remotely edible
If it's not... well... there's always a next ime... yeah? 
Very broke right now. Thank goodness is the 1st already, getting my allowance soon, I hope... Congratulating me for not blowing up the kitchen, I made my first batch of custard yesterday A lil too runny... but waddya expect? I'm not perfect. 
Thinking about it, if I had an oven that would make a pretty good rice pudding Then again, with my skills...
Fooooooooood'
En' -
Diarina,
Had a great day! Really fun! You know, like the last hour of enjoyment before the impending cloud of doom (school) arrives... Very tiread, think will go to bed liaoz...
While walking home, I began thinking again. About who I am. What I want and most importantly, why I want the the things I want. In case you are wondering, No, I still haven't really found out. Though I do believe that I am that much closer to finding out. So wish me luck diarina, to finding me... The REAL me.
I am a woman complete unto myself. At the very least, I should be and will strive towards it. All the material things added up, all the people that surrounds me, all my activities, speech, actions... They don't really mean a thing, because they don't really come from me and they are not a part of me, thus cannot represent who I am. I do not need a car, a committee to adore me, a wardrobe full of branded goods or have millions exalting my name... simply because that is not who I am. At least these are the conclusions I've come to after that thinking... (Yeah I know, one of the rare times when I actually remember- or actually know what I'm thinking... anyway...) Now I believe the real questions are:
How close am I to finding me?
and
When will I find the REAL me?
Independent'
En'
pssst... In case I sound insane, I'm just really tired... so nite nitez diarina... -
Diarina,
Am really hap- happ- happeeeeeee, Happy today! I just woke up... Actually I woke up around 1+ but just wouldn't get out of bed until now... Why happy, you ask? Well, I got a book today.
Actually was supposed to shop with a friend, went to far east plaza (think I am formally in love with that place!) In the end spend more time in the 2nd-hand bookstores than the clothes store (as usual- for me at least ) Got this book on tarot meditation. Usually I don't get books on tarot, but I don't know why I just had to pick that book up and I just have to have it. So... I got it! It comes with a cd inside with recordings of tarot mediation, the 1st and 2nd meditation in the book. It was soooo beautiful, and so nice!!!
Remember in my last entry (yesterday?) Well, I was talking about searching for the real me, and guess what! This book (I feel) is actually supposed to help me find me- in a way!!! Then while reading, and listening at the same time, came this part about falling through thin ice, into the chilly waters, even though I didn't exactly follow follow the mediation, I could feel the chill and at THAT very moment, it just started pouring! How coincidental is that??? Then read one more chapter, went to bed. Woke up, laze in bed... Then played the 1st meditation, was... Oh so GOOD!
So now a bit hyped. With a really screwed up biological clock, and school starting soon... Also think I might understand the fool card a lil more Life is good!
The fool'
En' -
Diarina,
A moth landed on my palm just now... It disappeared again... Oh well... It was so pretty, dancing around the lamp bulb just now, flirting with death... I just held out my palm and I wanted it to land on me. It danced, and danced and landed! I was so shocked then it flew away... Disappeared, re-appeared and landed this time for a while longer... Then it disappeared again, and then, it repeats. Only difference is, the third time it landed on my palm, it stayed, until I move my hand... Now I can't find it again... Hopefully it stays clear of the light-bulb. Would be such a pity for this preety creature to sacrifice itself this way...
Out of topic diarina, but I do not believe in the equality of the genders. For if we were to be really equal, we should have been built the same way, same physical characteristics, same instincts, same everything. But we are not. A true equality can never be strike, we can only be who we are, no more, no less... There are the masculine, the femine and everywhere in between.
Me? I am happy and infact, I yearn to be simple. There are only 2 ways my future will go. Either happily married and perfected the art of home-making, living with a cat and the man who I can appreciate, respect and love, and who can appreciate, respect and love me for who I am... Or happily single, bouncing from countries to countries, living life and cultures of many... Settling down finally at one of those peaceful countrysides, in a little cottage of my own. The 2 ways I want to go... Which one should I choose? I don't want both, life is sensual, I want to give my youth to the path that is meant for me, that I may explore and experience everything... One lifetime is far too short!
Doesn't it all seem like a fairytale? I've always seen my life as part of a movie, a cartoon more like... A whole collection of short-stories stringed haphazardly together... I can actually tell you which part of my life ended, and where episode 2 begins! I think happily ever afters are possible and infact, quite achieveable... if one knows how... I am determined to be the one to find out! Everyone's life is a story! What about you diarina, what type of story is your life and wat type do you wat your life to be...? I want mine to have happy ending, I love happy endings... I lurve~ fairytales.
Mirror into fairytale land'
En' -
Diarina,
Had a great day today! First weekend since the monstrosity known as school started. Surprise, surprise, I survived one week of school! Went drumming just now, so coolz~! Then one of my ex-schmate joined me halfway through the drumming, really had fun!!!
Went for dinner and karaoke with HoFS. Came back... Still awake... and very much sleepless... Very, very, tired... Hanging on and not giving up! I can make it through, actually... What am I hanging on too? What am I hanging on for? I don't know, and don't really care to know... Then again, I do wish to know....
It'll just be so easy to kill myself, end it all, once and for all... Then again, I'll still have to go through something similar if my karmic debt is not paid. I've already survived 18 years, surely another 5or6 decades can't be that hard to pass...right? I know I shouldn't be complaining or feeling sorry for myself, coz compared to many others, what I have is considered alot and I am really lucky, I know that! But... (there's always got to be a but somewhere isn't there...)I don't know... Guess for a few times in my life, I'd just like to feel that I am not purely a child born of duty, a person existing to fulfill only obligations, that I am just who I am- not defined by the things I know or the skills I have...
That I can just be who I am, and have people accept that and acknowledge me for me, and not for the things I can (or they perceive that I can) do for them... Who likes to be taken for granted or slighted...? To know that their very existence was because of other's expectation, that they exist only because it was expected for them to exist... To know that they were raised of duty, only because it was expected for them to be grown-up. To imagine that their being there was nothing more than cold cold duty and resonsibility... To know that because of being that resposibility, they obstruct a happy family. They never belonged, never will...
Drumz"
En' -
Diarina,
Having a glorious thunderstorm now, hope it will last the night!
In mood for a reading right now~! Still owe one... Once my food get digested, I'll get started!
I saw a game of butterfly tag and several fields of clover on my way home today... Beautiful day it was~! A thunderstorm, the perfect ending for a gorgeous day!
So pretty right now! Going to stare out the window dreaming again...
Till next time'
En' -
Diarina,
It's raining again, there was a thunderstorm this morning when I woke up... No rain, just the dark morning sky and flashes of lightnings, and the thunder was so comforting...
Then school. Nope, didn't attend much class today, only went for 3 hours of lesson, but spent the rest of the day helping out at the booth for my cca club crawl... There's just this thing about sch that's depressing...
Then went home. Evening trains are always so crowded, funny thing was that the spot I stood waiting for the train was... well, there was only me standing there, what do you think? When the train reaching the mrt platform, I had only one thought across my mind... If I jump now, it'll all be alright! Then the next thought that was racing through was that I must get the timing correct, just jump, step out, it'll all be over! When the train was half-way across the platform, I knew, the timing was correct, I should step out now. NOW! I was so tempted, almost moved, almost flew...
But even as the doors of the mrt train opened, I was still rooted to the ground. Then I joined in the crowds, aimless pursuit of life... yet again... Now I regret, if only I didn't lose my guts, if only I flew... The pain would fleeting, but the peace, rewarding... Ever wonder why I am still alive diarina? Coz I'm a coward! Many times I tried, yet always at the very last moment, I'll back out. Fear. Always that fear of pain, of leaving all that I have behind. Then again... What do I have...? I do not fear death, only the pain that accompanys it... In fact, I longed for death, and his tight embrace, the rest and peace that follows, but I do dread having to start all over again...
Coward'
En' -
Diarina,
I think I'm feeling better already... Last night I cried myself to sleep again. I mean... Oh never mind, I don't know what I mean... Anyway, I am not usually that suicidal... I think! Just that yesterday, even though it was raining, wasn't exactly the best day in my life.
I just sorta had an argument with my mom again. I mean, arguments are no big deal... But it's just that only not too long ago had I convinced myself that I actually belonged. You know, that I have a family, one I belong too, one that accepts me, out of love... I deluded myself, yet again... I'm nothing more than a child of obligation, of duty. Nothing more than someone who spoils her mother's chances at life, at being happy... Nothing more than someone whom much is expected from. I already gave up being a straight A-student, gave up being obedient, I'll never find acceptace that way, but perhaps, I thought, perhaps I'll escape the responsibility too. But no, responsibility is my birthright, it'll be there until the day that I die. The burden in my heart, it may never subside...
I was in my bed last night, the rain was accompanying me, my one true friend. My only friend. Then I heard wafing in from the other room, the can laughter from the T.V, my parents and my brothers, their happy chatter... couldn't help but feel lonely again, as always... Sad again... Kept thinking to myself, if only I jumped, then they would be happy, be one true family, I don't have to be there, don't have to waste their resources, as they always reminded me, don't have to make them uhappy. Indeed, I am but the one black spot on a near perfect picture. Who never heard of a re-married woman happy? Though who ever heard of a re-maried woman with an obligation, carring a child of duty, who have ever heard of that woman happy? Especially when her resentment is always held to her heart. I can feel her sometimes, although sometimes, I can almost convince myself that there is some room for me in her heart...
Lonely'
En' -
Diarina,
Haven't updated in a while...Recently somethings happen that left me raher disillusionized... Which is a good thing- in a way... I supposed. Oh well...
I might be going thailand in september... With my classmate. Just a dream, but one with high probability of happening. So excited! A chance at independence, gal-bonding, living life! Just a dream, a most excitiing one! I hope it comes true...
Want to learn salsa, but I know too few people, esp males and the ones I do know, don't think they'll be interested... At times like this, a boyfriend comes in exceptionally handy! 
If I ever want to learn, I want to enroll with a partner, at least it'll leave me feeling more... secure? Think I might just go learn belly-dancing instead, I mean, it's a gal thang, and unlike salsa, you don't need a partner for that. Besides, someone told me once, you gotta have a belly to belly-dane, else it's plain wrong! That alone, I qualify! My self-imposed shields are melting... Wonder if it's good or bad... I do feel more... released and free to live? Though more vulnerable... Hmmmz....!?!?!
Quick update, enrolled in the driving course, but never attended the theory lessons yet, much less book for the theory, which is the main reason for my mother to breathe down my neck these a days... Skipped lessons a lil too much. Have a few project discussion tml, but I do not know the topic we're presenting on... yet... I will find out soon enough, I hope...
Drank too much coffee just now, can't sleep now... haiz~ Time just passed so fast, Don't even remember what I did yesterday... It's been 3 weeks since sch started, scary ain't it...? Owes many reading, no mood o read recently though, maybe in a few days...?
Coffee'
En' -
Diarina,
Had one of those... trips again yesterday... No, not a physical trip, a more... mental one...? I always have this habit, or ability I'll say, to suddenly transport myself to another time, even another world... For it's surely like nothing I've ever seen in this world in my life... then again... In the past, I slipped into loneliness, where nothing mattered... Yesterday, I slipped into... mexico? I don't know, never been there, but it was hot, sunny, warm breezes, and I was with classmates, we drove to the little restaurant or something, eating tacos, nostalgia, balance and comfort... A different kind of vision, a different good.
My past is catching up with me again... I did something to sorta help me heal, and right after that, an old old friend, that I haven't heard from in quite a long time sms-ed me... Let's just say that I do need a catalyst, and I need to face my past... I don't feel ready, I never will i supposed... Heartaches again diarina... Isn't it funny how much just a single memory can make you suffer...?
3 presentations, on fri, mon and tue... Geez, and I haven't even started... Again, I seem to find myself carrying the blunt of the work... then again... haiz~
So many things to do diarina, so little time... The other time I got stressed, I lost my voice for close to a week! If I lose my voice this time, I'm dead! Coz this coming presentation, lasts 30 min, and I have to cover around 10 min of it... If my voice is gone, then... ... ...
I do not even want to imagine...
Pressed for time'
En' -
Diarina,
I abducted a kitten today!
Cat-napped it from behind IMM.
Had a friend save it from a tight spot. The hero to the little kitten damsel in distress!
Cuddled with the little dear and had it slept in my arms... until it instinctly seeked my arm when it wanted to sleep...
Gave her to one of my best friend. Before she went into the box, she tried to cuddle in my arm again... Miss her so much! So sweet, so vulnerable, so innocent yet so naughty and so brave! That little dear...
I miss it so much...!
MeOw~! = ^ . ^ =
En' -
Diarina,
The little kitty ran away from home.
Cried myself silly when I heard that... She could have been so well-fed, well-looked after, would have been loved and pampered, yet she chooses to run off into the wild.
I keep thinking of how terrible it'd be if she have to starve, or when crossing the road, how scary it'd be... Also of people who takes pride in bullying kittens... What if she met any of those...? She's so brave, yet... so helpless...
Then I keep thinking of when I first found her. I didn't have her for very long, but long enough that she can nestle comfortably in my arms. Seems as though she instinctly found the perfect spots to cuddled up in... How when even just before i gave her away, she was looking for a cuddle... How hungry and active she was. She was a very brave and intelligent kitten... Wise-looking too...!
If she comes back to me, I'm going to keep her! Secretly, still I wont give her away... Hope that she will be alright and happy for the rest of her life... May all the gods and goddesses shine their lights on her... Blessed be!
Nothing lasts forever right..., diarina? Should be happy that at least she had food to eat... Really regret not feeding her more. Over-eating may be bad, but can't be worse than starving, right...? She'll be happy, coz she chose to go... Following her hearts desire! I should be happy for her instead... I will be happy for her... once I stop my tears... I already stop crying, but the tears won't stop flowing... Just let her be safe and happy...
I miss her so.
Tears'
En' -
Diarina,
Can't sleep.
My moon flow just came, was cramping really badly just now. Thank goodness for peppermint tea! Really great taste, pretty colors too! Looks like autumn in a cup! Oh not to mention the great after-effects, peppermint tea to relieve stomach cramps, an old herbal remedy that I now swear by...
Oh remind me to get a strainer or tea-ball, coz I sure won't enjoy choking on the leaves, though commercial peppermint is strictly out! Don't think they'll be effective anyway, besides, compared to the one I'm having now, commercial tea would just taste... wrong!
Autumn in a cup'
En' -
Diarina,
Raining now... So coolz~!
I guess some dreams are to remain as dreams after all... Not going to thai liaoz... Last night, my dad actually asked me, "You really going to thai with a friend ar?" So I told him that I'm still waiting for my friend's confirmation... He replied with a "You want to go, then go lor!" And I really want to!
But... (always this hateful but somewhere...) My friend cannot make it, she said her mom confiscated her atm card to stop her from going, then I cannot go on my own!!! So no thai for me... Not this vacation anyway, my mom says... Oh well~
Bummer~! Skipped school again this morning... later have a lab class, that one cannot skip, coz if skip without reason and without make-up, means repeat lor... Stupid right?!!!
At least, I didn't have to attend the tutorials and lectures for today... Self-imposed half-day holiday...
After class, am gonna go over to a friend's to celebrate her b'day (tml) with her... She dreads her b'day she says, coz there seemed to be always something always wrong on her day, so she ask me to be there for her... So of coz I'll show~! Though I do wonder how my b'day will be... Loads better I really hope...
Haven't gone looking for kitty yet, haven't attended the driving lessons yet... Gotta do something abt this dreadful procastination! Soon, I hope. Time to prep for sch liaoz... haiz~
Inertia'
En' -
Diarina,
I miss me bed...
Am in school now, this week, I don't seem to be spending as much time in my bed as I should...
Let's see, Mon-slept. Tue-chalet (really fun!!! ), wed-slept, thur- went over to a friend's and got stranded, was either walking home or crash at her place. So I crashed... Never slept anywayz Now groggy, waiting for sch to end... Actually supposed to be in class now, but then... erm... waiting for the belated celebration of a classmate's b.day actually Then it's chalet time again!!!
Should I stay overnight? I miss my bed lehz... Hmmm... Fun or bed... Bed or fun... Hmmmhz.... Think i'll decide later, wait for time to pass more important now!
Beeeeeeed~
En' -
Diarina,
Had fun! Was determined to catch the last train home, but as fate would have it, missed the train and crashed at the chalet instead. Lets see, I think the whole night, I slept a total of 15 min, plus or minus a lil'.
Think I smell romance in the air~ On second thoughts- hopless infatuation. Oh well, nothing's gonna blossom between them anyway, so call it hopeless lor. Sides' don't think he'll ever admit he likes her anyway Though as far as love is involved... For me, I think is that quickening of heartbeat and insane adrenalin rushes that matters most... Which reminds me, it's been a long time since I allow myself to feel that way... Hmmmm.....
Anyway, it's time for bonding with my bed~~~ So... till next time then Diarina
Yours truely'
En' -
Diarina,
It's sunday night again. Time seemed to have taken on sort of a fast, racing quality recently... Seemed that time is moving far too fast and too quickly than ever before. Do you feel that way???
I mean, I still feel as if there's much less than 24 hours a day, less than 12 hours in a day I'd go so far as to say... That scary, and I cant even remember what I spend my time doing...
I think I'm preparing for something, for what I can't say... Have been since... I don't know, I seriously don't know, don't even know if is good or bad... Just this sense of endless waiting, of time speeding... Soon, I think, might be very soon...
Though one thing for sure, I really will have to be studying one of these days, I mean, it's like 2 months into school term, and I have no idea what topics we covered, not even what we are suppose to cover, I could be studying greek, or latin or even ancient egyptian for all I know... Though thinking about it, I think I know more about the previous three (and believe me when I say I know dragon's scales about them...) than what I am enrolled for... Which basically all boils down to the fact that I know nothing... Oh well...
Someday I really have to find out where I go too... Somehow I have this feeling that I do not belong to this reality and that'd be why I'm not here more than half the time anyway~
Parallel Universe'
En' -
Diarina,
Break week officially starts now~! Darn, but life is good!!! At least for now~! I haven't really been attending lessons, still find that school is taxing, and I do wonder why...
Quited my cca a few weeks back, don't ask me why, it was just an impulse thing. Purely spur of the moment. Never really regretted. Anywayz, think i'm getting a cd for my last contribution! If is a jazz cd, would be so coolz, since I really wanted the one that's recently out!
Oh right, I found the name behind the number... You see diarina, I had been getting these forwarded sms-es, and they helped quite abit! It's just this waking up 6+am and getting an sms that have nothing to do with any obligations I suppose. A cute or heart-warming sms can mean quite abit I've learned! I was so guilty, coz I thought I lost an old friend's number, turned out I never got THAT number from my friend...
I just sniped a can of beer from the fridge. It was exactly like I remembered it, bitter and... well, bitter~ The first time I tasted that stuff, I was barely out of kindergarden. I still recall, it was new year i think, mistook the cans of beer for soft drink, and pestered my mom for it. She did warn me, but knowing me... Anyway, I took this huge greedy gulp and immediately regretted~! Swallowed it the same, was my pride I suppose. Ever since then, I never touched that stuff again... Until last hallowe'en...
Was celebrating with this grp of people, and they bought liqueur. I drank one or two shots and regretted it for a week after, coz I broke out in zits very terribly... and when I say very, I mean VERY! Then until tonight, I dunno what made me reach out for that can, like recently, I dunno wat i'm doing or why, at least I survived and have not yet compromised any of my personal believes or morals... Well, except that alcohol part and I really wish and hope, i won't suffer another bout of zits invasion. About the beer, I finished it...
Well ok, I took a long time to finish it~! It was bitter, but slowly all you can taste is the gas. Then it'd seem as though the taste change, sort of sweet, yet at the sametime, tough. Like bittersweet chocolates, takes a little getting use to, but once you start, you know the meaning of it is completely changed for you! It's bitter, yet almost but not at all sweet, very over-whelming. Just like life... The beer goes down cold, but warms the belly, travels up to the throat and to the back of your throat. Makes you feel like throwing your head back to cool it down! The bitterness of the beverage seems to go straight to the heart, or at least, somewhere near there! Takes the focus away from the pain in the heart for that very moment. In fact, it covers almost every emotions there, loneliness, ache, desolation, pain, almost everything- replaced by that warmth sensation...
Now I can truely understand why people drink to forget their troubles. At least I think I can... understand, I mean... Well actually, I think I've quite changed my opinion of that nasty stuff. Still it doesn't mean I'm going to be drinking it right? I hope not... On second thoughts, gimme the zits Then again... erm... I'll take mountain dew over that any day So, bye bye zits?
Warmth'
En' -
Diarina,
Recently was good I suppose... Bad in some ways too... It cemented the believe I've had since I was a child. The secret knowledge. I am somewhat relieved, I suppose, knowing that this is something I have to go through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being fatalistic, not at all... Ok well, maybe a little.
I was a child born of duty, raised of obligations, weighted down with heavy expectations, and I will grow up, will grow old of responsibility. That was all I ever am, ever will be. It could be worse...
I have a birthmark at the back of my neck, a mole. When i checked it out the other other day, it futher confirmed my, you could say... suspicions. The placing indicates responsibility. Haven't it always been that way through my life? Without responsibility, I wouldn't even have been alive! Heard that if you get a mole removed, the influence it have on your life could be removed too. Still, it was what I was born with, do I really want to get rid of it? Is a life of really obligations THAT bad?
The universe had been more than fair to me. What I cannot have, what I seeked since I was born, what I will yearn for till the day I die, my desire... The universe gave me a taste, an illusion, a fantasy, showed me what it was like... If only for a moment. The best it could do... More than enough I suppose, though sometimes, I do wish the universe never showed me at all, for it only served as a painful reminder...
My birthright, responsibility, duty, obligations... It's not that bad now, but it will get worse... Till then... Life is still good! Life will always be good!
Life'
En' -
Diarina,
Last update was 12... ok... 13 days ago. Bad penmanship, I know...
Things have a strange way of presenting itself, events have this unpleasant way of happening too! When you expected for something to happen, it won't! You can wait and wait and wait and finally convinced yourself that you are wrong. Gave up waiting. Live life. Then it'll happen, just when you least expected it too! Catch you off gaurd it will! Why couldn't it have happened when you are more prepared, a little while sooner? I never really liked surprises, my loss
I believe in fate, yet also in freewill. Somethings are meant to happen, others happen only because people will them too. I'm just a pawn in life's game of chess. At least at this very moment, in this very next move. I don't think, just react. Whatever life had planned and the chess-player's move, I'll just go along. For I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Fatalistic? Nah, just a lesson the chest-player have to learn... Then again, it all depends on the next move doesn't it? I say grab some chips and let's try to figure this game out!
Is it normal to feel some energy between two people? I mean, when one can somewhat guess and almost feel what another person is feeling at a certain point of time, is it normal? Or mayhaps one's own desires? Experienced that kinda feeling recently, can't put it to words if i tried. Though would be something along the lines of... anticipation? Like every cell in the targeted area would go into hyper-vibratory mode, and the feeling is almost the same as wondering if you are in the path of a very very mild electric current. Not at all pleasant, but not all that bad as well... It might be all just happening in my mind, far as I'm concerned, just that I don't think I'm that delsional... yet...
Test and project presentation on Monday. Haven't started, haven't studied. Having headache. Wish me lucks for the test on mon, i'll really need it! Major Ouch~ Did I mention I hate school? Ok, then I'll say it again, I hate school!!! I love school life, don't get me wrong! I just hate the institude, the asignments and the stress! Whoever said that life doesn't exist without stress was right, I'm not stupid enough to argue with that yet. Just that the only type of stress that I'd like to have or that I would want to experience, it the stress of having no-stress!!! Heh, how's that for philosophy!
Headache'
En' -
Diarina,
Failed my pract test... So much for the no spell policy. Duh~
Should have known better. Next time will not say anything like that again...
Someone with private number called my during class just now. Got my handphone confiscated. My handphone's back now, but still haven't found out who called. Duh~ was only sms-ing 4 people this morn. Oh well... maybe was a wrong number.
Darn~! Only half the morn gone, wonder how much worse this day's gonna get.
Fingers crossed'
En' -
Diarina,
My classmate brought a kitten to school today! She picked it up from bugis yesterday, it was so cute!!! He is so small, about the size of a handphone... Well, he could almost fit inside the my friend's handphone pouch.
For a kitten that small though, it had a really loud voice, kept crying the whole day, until it sound so hoarse... Feel so bad for that poor thing. Lucky though that it had a loud mew, else my friend wouldn't have found him abandoned in that shoe box yesterday...! They named him Desmond, after our ex-classmate. Though gotta admit, the kitten does indeed have a resemblance to his namesake.
One thing for sure, a kitten that cute and LOUD, attracted a lot of attention! Especially from girls Have had a whole lot of people approach us and ask to held the kitty. Poor desmond was passed from one stranger to another, almost like he was on a ride the whole day!!! If you have any guy friends, diarina, let them know. Bring a kitten that cute out and hey presto~! Gal problems solved
Purrr~fect'
En' -
Diarina,
The kitty had diarrhoea, was under-fed and had fleas. So says the vet. Seems Desmond was in a really bad shape when we found him, my friend just took him to the vet yesterday... Poor thing him... Seems that's he's still in a crucial condition, so says my friend... Worried... Diarina, do send some energy and prayers to that poor thing...?
Games, games, games... The whole darn world is playing games... Can't anyone, anyone at all, be more blunt? Get to the point, stop beating around the bush! Goodness sakes! I never am good enough, am I? Not for my family. not for the people around me... Never am, and never will be... Life's unfair, you should have think I'd have gotten over it already... I know my limits, I just don't know if I should follow it... Hurting others hurt me too...! I know I shouldn't give up on life, and I won't! A friend reminded me the other day, to truely know, love and accept myself... But how do I achieve that when I can't find anything at all to appreciate? When others keep reminding me that? What can I change when just the existence of me is the only mistake? One error and that's it... The world might just have been a better place, except I was the mistake it made eh?
Nah, I shouldn't be so pessimistic. I'll get over it! As always, as usual. Don't worry diarina, I do know some of my family do really care about me. And I know that I am not the worst off in the world... So why am I making a big fuss out of nothing? What is the big idea? I don't know... It just feels so terrible, I guess, just felt like letting it out. I really don't know.
Just'
En'