A day in the mind of a gal like me...
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whoa! a blog!
here in sgforums.. and i didn't even know
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xie xie!!!Originally posted by Spear:Little En cleared herexams ar? Gong Xi! Gong Xi!
Originally posted by the Bear:whoa! a blog!
here in sgforums.. and i didn't even know
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Diarina,
Today was a fine day indeed!
Much as I enjoyed class... Recently I've taken to enjoy skipping it... And history repeats itself... On the bright side, it wasn't too much of a loss anyway... 
I mean, no exams for these classes anyway 
Went fishing... Though I didn't fish... Coz I was afraid of accidentally flinging the entire rod out into the water... (Minimal chances of that occuring, I know, but with me ard, I figured I better not take any chances ) Went with frost, ratina and Lilo-jie today Then ratina and lilo-jie did manage to catch some very small fishes Was so fun!!! Oh and we saw a luohan fish in the water!!!
Actually I spent my time feeding fishes, then crows Think I like feeding the birds better than the fishes coz the birds dare to actually come very very close to me then hop away... So cute... Spent my day in the shade... Still got sunburn Oh well... redness and ouchness for the next few days I guess 
If there's a chance, I wanna try again... Hopefully next time (if it comes ard), I could fish and feed the birds too...
Sun-burnt'
En' -
is this a diary?
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Originally posted by BoYisHbOy:is this a diary?
more like a collection of events and thoughts in my head...
Good mood today
Good nitez all~ -
The idea is to keep this place under low profile. Shh..Originally posted by the Bear:whoa! a blog!
here in sgforums.. and i didn't even know
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Diarina,
Good day today... Went to meet some friends for dinner... As it was near to bugis, I went down to the stones shop and got me a necklace Pretty quartz stone known as herkimer diamond So now I own a 'diamond' necklace And I bought it myself How's that for a self-sustaining new age woman Pun intended
Then met my friends and went to "Sofra" for dinner... Dee-licious It's a turkish restaurant and I was told that sofra meant food, so there- lesson of the day~! Had a sultan's kebap, basically is lamb meat and very very cheesy~ I LURVE~ cheese Pun not really intended and for dessert- rice pudding! Nice~ yum yum! it was delicious, and I spend less than $20 for that! Considering the yumminess... More than worthwhile... Ambience not too bad too...
Then went home... watch tv... checked email... update diary... And now abt time to moan and groan abt my hols nearing to the end 
Everytime life gets going good, something just have to get it down~! For now, school, later in life, work~ Talk abt the philisophy of life~
Oh well, had a good day... Now a good end to a good day! Nitez diarina Don't miss me too much~
Lurve'
En' -
Diarina,
My ex-classmate, C, came over again today... She told me she was going to a picnic tml... With them... I don't know what to feel, how to feel, and why I feel what I feel... Nostalgia, I think... probably... Jealousy...? Anger...? Hopelessness...? Should be the first... I don't know... Confused... Yes, I feel confused.
This thing had been bothering me for 3 years already... I still cannot let it go... I thought it was over, thought she was free from this web, thought I was the only one silly enough to hold on to the hurts and pains for so long... Yet today, I somehow have this notion that she still cared too... Maybe, just maybe, things might be salvaged between us... I dare not hope for too much, just that we be friends again, and that for once, sometime in the future I'll be able to go to bed without crying or thinking of my past...
This crying thing is not good. I've already had people coming up to me, asking why I look sad, out of the blue... So far, I counted 3. And 2 of them are people i don't know very well... The first two times happened quite long ago, but recently someone commented again... I thought I was finally getting over it... Seem not... Heard that she asked about me quite a bit, I asked abt her quite a bit too C just told me, she talked to her abt us... How we've both seemed different, how we should meet up and clear the misunderstanding between us... She seemed eager almost, according to C... Now I think, maybe, just maybe, there just might be a hope... somewhere...
Still, I can't help but think that a friend, A, is involved in all this... From what C said, and my own over-suspicious mind, seemed that A had quite a part to play in all this as well, and I never thought of it until today... I mean, she ask C to ask me to the picnic tml... according to C, A then reminded her of our situation and said it's better I not go. Then I started to think back, to when A and I still had contact, a very long time ago... When I was still very upset and asked abt what I shld do... A refused to comment. I asked A if it would be a good idea to meet her up and try to solve things, A gave me an answer that seemed hopeless. I still remembered getting upset all over again... Now I wonder, if she had anything to do with all this...
Used to be in secondary, we were very close. Until we had a fight. Then she and A started to be friends, then we cleared our misunderstanding, and from then on was the three of us. Eventually A started to feel left out, so we reviewed our friendship and just sorta started it anew. Then I started to feel left out, but I did not say much... After that O levels, then me and her worked together... Until my own stupidity ruined our friendship again... We did not even fight. Just walked away, and that's it. No fights, no accusations, no angry words... Just disappointment and ice-cold silence, until now... should be about 3 years already... You would have think that I've gotten over it already I want to meet her. Alone. Clear up the misunderstanding between us... Do not want to meet her in front of a lot of people, not even A. Just in case it have anything to do with A, I do not want to situation to be worse than it already is... Most importantly, I have my pride and I am not about to cry infront of people I used to call my 'friends'.
In case it doesn't work out, don't think it could get any worse than this. This situation was my fault and the only way I can ever have peace is to resolve this. I know now what I must do... Though I know not if I will succeed or when...? Last of all, I hope, really very sincerely hope that A is not involved in this at all...
Babbling'
En' -
Diarina,
Haven't been sleeping well again these days... Just had a nightmare while napping yesterday
Didn't sleep again last night...
Think will cleanse my room again later.
Been thinking too much...
Thinking is a dangerous hobby.
Dreamz'
En' -
Diarina,
Just reached home from an overnight... Had fun, had chips, had haagen daz and gossips.
Decided that even I am sick of myself! For goodness's sake woman, give it up already! Why put your life on hold? If she calls, and if it works out, so be it! If it doesn't ... well, too bad~ It is, after all, so long ago already!
Was reminiscing with friends whole of last night~ A pleasant walk down memory lane no doubt! Realised how much I've changed... For the better, but mostly for the worse~ Decided that this is my life and I AM GOING TO GET IT BACK! No more living in the shadows for me~! That was never who I was meant to be!
After spending so much time shielding me from myself, releasing me and confronting all my fears is going to be hard, and probably long. I am not perfect, no one is... This is going to take time, I will make mistakes! But at the very end, I WILL make it through, and be the girl I can be, and not the one wishing...
Friday the 13th, My catalyst... What a wonderful day this is~
Friday the 13th'
En' -
Diarina,
Nothing much is happening in my life right now... Just wanted to update you... Try s'thing different... If you remembered, I told you before, I had always been lonely... Thinking now to try describe it to you, coz I've always treated loneliness as a place, an event, a sound, more than a feeling. Guess that is what happen when you get so used to the feeling that you forget it is even there... It starts to manifest itself to you in different ways...
You often hear that it is cold and black or dark... To me... It is greys and browns. Colors of autumn. True loneliness is scary, is emotionless. It is when you hold a blade so that it relects it's frosty glint back into your eyes. When that is no longer enough, you press it to your skin. It hurts, but you welcome the pain... For even though it is torture, at least you felt something... Then you see the blood, vivid and flowing... So beautiful, life-giving... Then you feel the sting, you know you exist, that you are real... That is why you keep cutting yourself... The only time when you are not alone, when youdo not feel alone. If you don't cut too deep, the blood stops fast and the scars heals quickly. Then it becomes an addiction.
Imagine autumn, when you are alone. You know you are alone, fenced in, in another part of your world. There is no desire, no hope, no emotions. Just you, just walking on this abandoned highway. Trees weeping, their sun-kissed leaves having lost the former glory just drips down from the seemingly shrunken branches. You walk and walk and walk, still nothing's changed. So sure that you can never break out of this world, so you stood still and give up trying... One second you are surrounded by your form teacher pressing you for assignment, the next second, you screamed at her to leave you alone and find yourself in that world again, on that unused highway- just walking... and you don't care anymore...
There is always winter evenings. Cold- you can feel the cold, even in sunny singapore. One moment talking to your friend, the next in a snow-clad winter wonderland, where you are alone... Always alone. You do not even mind being alone, do not mind the cold. In fact you welcome it, so that you can feel something. So used to being lonely it does not matter anymore, so tired ot the numbling drugery of reality that you even begin to crave for your world.
Loneliness is like living on top of a jazz bar. You hear the music everynight. Hear the musicians practising even before the bar open for business. Lives with the neon light, cramped quarters, and all that smoke. Jazz is the music for those lonely in their soul, for it is the only music that can reach deep down inside, the only music that actually penetrates the silence of loneliness, that reverberates through the very core of your being...
It is the rain that keeps you feeling, the true sense of being. It is the moonlight, frosty brillance, cold, untoucheable yet always there, in the darkness of the night. It is in the fallen petal of a once glorious rose, it is in a cup of steaming coffee poorly made. When you enter a greasy eatery and find yourself alone. When you see a family or enter a happy home. Simply when you see a butterfly that ceased to flutter its wings and fall- such simple moments, yet you never felt more alone...
How do you describe your loneliness, diarina?
Alone'
En' -
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Originally posted by Transmission:
Long time no see
Diarina,
What's HE smilling at? You two up to something issit?
Paranoid'
En' -
Diarina,
I want to learn driving... IT's darn expensive though, and time-consuming, coupled with the facts that I am hopeless with directions, even if its just taking the mrt... What if I learned driving and halfway get lost??? Then how? Call a rescue squad? Still remember the time I got lost in Orchard road... (Don't ask ) Spend a huge chunk of my friends time just directing me to my destination... Ok, so I don't want to learn driving. Happy?
My mom's been nagging me about learning driving since... Oh well, when I first turned 18, and trust me diarina, that was quite a few months back already. She offered to pay, I turn her down everytime. I mean, public transports are fine asfar as I can see... Less pollution, not to mention, I think public's wa-ay cheaper than havng to own a car and buy fuels every... oh few days or so...
BUT!!! Gee, there's always a "but" somewhere, isn't there? My family is moving, end of this year. Making it even more inaccessible to take public transport to either school or my future workplace. I mean darn, taking the mrt alone, I heard something like I have to take... oh I dunno, one or two bus transfers or something? This cannot be true! I mean, leaving in Jurong, now, to get to work I usually wake at five-thirty, and the trip's like wat, 1/2 hr only... so if my future journey's gonna take one hr, + or - a little, then wat I gotta wake at five??? then if got shift? I usually reach home ard 11+ (Don't ask me why, I still trying to figure out myself...) Meaning, reach my future home around mid-night? and next morn wake at 5am latest? You've gotta be kidding... right?
Grrrgh! Then even if i learned driving, and say I drive to work (and didn't crash anything on my way) but get lost... then...
haiz~
Tml I'm supposed to go down to the driving center to enroll. Think I can maybe sleep till evening? These past few days I know I have... haiz~ see fate tml then... Whatever... haiz~
whatever'
En' -
Diarina,
My fate is sealed. I woke up around late afternoon today... No, I didn't go enroll... Which made my mom really mad. Well, procrastination is what I do best, can you blame me for that?
Anyway, She say that I am going down on thur. And she will be going wih me. A painful sight to say the least.
Haiz~
Fatalistic'
En' -
haha
take it easy lor .. u are going to pick up a new skill ...
Hmm... let me settle everything ..save up my money then go for this license... can't wait to drive..
err... but no car for me to drive yet .. -
Originally posted by Transmission:haha
take it easy lor .. u are going to pick up a new skill ...
Hmm... let me settle everything ..save up my money then go for this license... can't wait to drive..
err... but no car for me to drive yet .. driving liscence for show nia
no car nvm -
_-=-_oops_-=-_
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Diarina,
Can't sleep again... I want a new deck of cards. Read an abortion thread just now... I am pro-life. It may be because of the debate I had to take last semester as well as having some time to ponder the issue. I mean, if I want to learn to love life, then I will have to learn to live life, right? I want the Dali deck.
Will have to blourdy go down and enroll in driving lessons later. My whole family in tow. So what if it's not nice for a gal to swear? I never said I was nice. I'm just deprived of sleep, burning with desire (I want that Dali deck), and in a few hours time, to suffer through torments of forms and utter humiliation. Who know what those devils-imps I have for brothers would do later... You still want me to be nice?
Lemme tell you abt that deck. It's by Salvador Dali, and it's beautiful, elaborate, flamboyant, magnificient, gorgeous, stunning, special, exquisite, lavish and very very indulgent! And the current object of my desire. I went to the bookstore a couple of days back, and saw this deck of tarot called the "Tarot Universal Dali" in the maroon velvet slipcase, and gilded title, I remember thinking that it was so elegant, and that it was wierd that such a presentable deck was the only one of a kind of the shelf. Until I turned it over and viewed the price-tag. You will never guess the price of that deck... Too darn expansive for its own good... Then I started thinking, you know, could it be that this was the work of THE Salvador Dali? I wanted to check it out, and finally got around to doing so a moment ago. I have to have that deck. I desire it, really badly....
The Dali deck was published in 1984 (my year of birth, see I knew I was fated with that deck!). The deck consists of collage compositions which incorporate the works of other artists to which Dali added his touch, and signature .The cards themselves are edged in gold-foils and the back is Dali's signature Although the symbols follows mainly the waite deck (then again, doesn't most deck anyway? ) I really want it... I was interested in Dali since young, ok, I was interested in one of his pic that I still cannot get out of my head- even now. The one of the melting clocks, I don't know the name of the painting (nor do I care to know) but that is what draws me to him... Is the mystery or perhaps simply that the painting of his speaks to me, it just seemed that he understood...
Even though he did not paint the cards, he did add touches to it, and the cards are beautiful!!!! With spanish and english names on the major arcanas... Also, all of the major arcanas have the astrological symbols beside the spanish name, other symbols is hebrew alphabets. I'll show you a picture if I can find one that won't stretch the page. Now the price... Take a deep breath, and... It's $210 singapore dollars Suggested retail price, $100 USD
I know cards are expansive in their own right. I know occult is a very expensive interest. I know Dali is that darn good. I also know I probably won't use those cards too much, and that I will never part from them if I get them. And I know I will have to save for a darn long period of time before I can get them...Lastly I very much also know, oneday, that deck IS mine! It's just a matter of when???!!!! I want them.... Very very badly I want them... Now!
Yearnings'
En' -
I couldn't find a picture so I use print-screen (no wonder I hate IT stuffs...)
Anyway Diarina, now can you see why I love it that much?
When I get the cards, will photocopy them (full color of course) and laminate then use for readings. The orginal ones I'll use for meditation and for collection/ viewing pleasures. Afterall, if a card is gilded with real (or so I heard) gold, they're not going to be easy to shuffle... -
ahhaha Diarina sounds like diarrhaea
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High priestess from the same deck...
(Diarina, I do believe I am getting used to this IT stuff )
For more pictures (but without the fancy 'titles' and not the complete set, but more than enough preview to tempt )
visit Dali's Original Tarot Color Gallery -
Female to femaleOriginally posted by AzRaeL:ahhaha Diarina sounds like diarrhaea
easier to talk mah
U no need sleep? -
we are borgOriginally posted by En':Female to female
easier to talk mah
U no need sleep?
sleep is irrelevant
resistance is futile -
Originally posted by AzRaeL:we are borg
sleep is irrelevant
resistance is futile