Cohabitation
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Cohabitation - do you agree or frown on it? If you are the parent, will you object to it? Is it the classic case of 'the-kids-have-grown-up-so-I-can't-do-anything-about-it'? Or will you take extreme measures to prevent that from happening? Will there be different school of thoughts if you view it from a parent's point of view and from a lover's point of view?
Your thoughts please??? -
I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. Gotta be matured enuff to not only live without parents, but living with someone else that's not family. living together and normal "pak tor" is a world of difference. and yes i'm speaking from experience!
As a parent i guess it would also depend on my kids' ages. if my 14 yr old daughter were to say "yo dad! i'm moving in with bob... yeah the guy that broke my bed..." then i'd be worried.
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i'm fine with that, i mean from personal point of view.
not very keen into parenthood, thus i cant cast my opinion from that stand.
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Fine with it if children reach reasonable age (18 to spare me the trouble...) and maturity...
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I post it before in sgbpy2004's forum and lazy to write something out again, therefore I just copy and paste.Originally posted by cwill:Cohabitation - do you agree or frown on it? If you are the parent, will you object to it? Is it the classic case of 'the-kids-have-grown-up-so-I-can't-do-anything-about-it'? Or will you take extreme measures to prevent that from happening? Will there be different school of thoughts if you view it from a parent's point of view and from a lover's point of view?
Your thoughts please???
Psychogically proven - guys who cohabit is less likely to marry that girl he cohabit with. Even though it may seemed to be a test to see whether the both of you can get along together and lived together -it is highly likely that the relation may detoriate unconsciously.
Why you may ask. Let me put it in point form...
Married couple
Plus points: can enjoy sexual activities together everyday (if thats what you want), doing things together - bathing, etc. Making a nice, comfy home to be in and building a family together.
Minus points: Financial stress, the responsibilty that comes in a family - upgrading status of bf to husband - must be more tolerent, caring, etc. Anything must think of family first. If got kids, extra burden.
Cohabit Couples
Plus points: Same as married couple above,
Minus point: None. (Unless you both staying away from parents, then financial could be a burden) There is no upgrading of status - don't have the legal thing to go through if break up, therefore tolerence level all that is much lower.
So... if you cohabit - you think the guy is willing to accept the same plus points and nothng else, instead ADDING on burdens when marriage take place? He will hesitate unless he truely loves you - which is only applicable for the rare few.
So ladies, if you love your man, you sure you want to cohabit?
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
aiyoh... u make it sound like men are so jialat.. yeah i know they ARE jialat.. but not that bad rite! ahah
I post it before in sgbpy2004's forum and lazy to write something out again, therefore I just copy and paste.
Psychogically proven - guys who cohabit is less likely to marry that girl he cohabit with. Even though it may seemed to be a test to see whether the both of you can get along together and lived together -it is highly likely that the relation may detoriate unconsciously.
Why you may ask. Let me put it in point form...
[b]Married couple
Plus points: can enjoy sexual activities together everyday (if thats what you want), doing things together - bathing, etc. Making a nice, comfy home to be in and building a family together.
Minus points: Financial stress, the responsibilty that comes in a family - upgrading status of bf to husband - must be more tolerent, caring, etc. Anything must think of family first. If got kids, extra burden.
Cohabit Couples
Plus points: Same as married couple above,
Minus point: None. (Unless you both staying away from parents, then financial could be a burden) There is no upgrading of status - don't have the legal thing to go through if break up, therefore tolerence level all that is much lower.
So... if you cohabit - you think the guy is willing to accept the same plus points and nothng else, instead ADDING on burdens when marriage take place? He will hesitate unless he truely loves you - which is only applicable for the rare few.
So ladies, if you love your man, you sure you want to cohabit? [/b]
i can't speak for the general man, but when i was living with my gf i ever thought of marrying her but since we were both still studying the time was definitely not right.
turns out i didn't have to make that decision after all, becos she chose to leave.
so maybe girls, you shouldn't cohabit with your man not becos he won't wanna marry you after that, but becos u'll prob hate him after living with him? ahhaha who knows...? -
Its all in the mind... that will affect subconsciously and most likely both of you wouldn't be together. Unless there is mutual strenght and common mindset towards marriage after a period of cohabitation.Originally posted by jOhO:aiyoh... u make it sound like men are so jialat.. yeah i know they ARE jialat.. but not that bad rite! ahah
i can't speak for the general man, but when i was living with my gf i ever thought of marrying her but since we were both still studying the time was definitely not right.
turns out i didn't have to make that decision after all, becos she chose to leave.
so maybe girls, you shouldn't cohabit with your man not becos he won't wanna marry you after that, but becos u'll prob hate him after living with him? ahhaha who knows...?
Man ain't bad lar... neither is woman; its just each and every of our lives. Cohabitation's invisible effect does not only affect men, it affects women too. -
well thanx for ur comments, i would still choose to live with my future gf b4 marriage if it's possible.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Its all in the mind... that will affect subconsciously and most likely both of you wouldn't be together. Unless there is mutual strenght and common mindset towards marriage after a period of cohabitation.
Man ain't bad lar... neither is woman; its just each and every of our lives. Cohabitation's invisible effect does not only affect men, it affects women too.
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Sure you can, just make sure it is a planned one before leading to marriage and a planned period of time - maybe 1/2 a year, 1 year, or something.Originally posted by jOhO:well thanx for ur comments, i would still choose to live with my future gf b4 marriage if it's possible. 
Ok... have to log off school's computer...
/me throw smoke bomb and vanished -
The biggest difference between Cohabitation and Marriage? To me, it is committment. In cohbaitation, there is absolutely no need to commit cos there simply is no committment. In marriage, u need committment to make it work, thus i rather get married. Believe me, there are some things you would never know even during cohabitation until you get married to the person, so dun try too hard. Cohabitation is just another product of our decadent society nowadays.
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Linking what you said to what yun said above, this commitment you both talk about seems to arise because of the process that a couple has to go through to be married, and of course, another (even longer) process, should they decide to split up.Originally posted by gasband:The biggest difference between Cohabitation and Marriage? To me, it is committment. In cohbaitation, there is absolutely no need to commit cos there simply is no committment. In marriage, u need committment to make it work, thus i rather get married. Believe me, there are some things you would never know even during cohabitation until you get married to the person, so dun try too hard. Cohabitation is just another product of our decadent society nowadays.
In other words, a co-habiting couple can just break off by one party packing up and moving out, while a married couple has to fill up 50 forms, wait a few months or even years and STILL have to pack after that. Not to mention the way society sees a divorced couple, and how the friends and family of the couple would react to a divorce. It would seem that since it's so troublesome to go through a divorce, a couple may thus stay "committed" to the marriage, instead of spliting up.
If the above is true, then I find humans really shallow.
Another point is that, why should a piece of paper with some ink on it make a couple more committed to each other? I would hate to be a person that has to think, "Gee I'm getting married to her, so I have to be more committed from now on." I would rather have myself think, "I'm committed to her, and therefore I will marry her." Commitment comes first my friends, not marriage!
To me marriage is an ANOUNCEMENT to the world that we are together, not that they don't already know. It is an expression of our joy of being in love together, a celebration, not a chain that binds us to commitment.
Sorry about the seriousness, this is just my humble opinion. -
By making the decision to live together is a commitment made by the couple already.
At least, that's my view.Originally posted by gasband:The biggest difference between Cohabitation and Marriage? To me, it is committment. In cohbaitation, there is absolutely no need to commit cos there simply is no committment. In marriage, u need committment to make it work, thus i rather get married. Believe me, there are some things you would never know even during cohabitation until you get married to the person, so dun try too hard. Cohabitation is just another product of our decadent society nowadays. -
i understand w here you are coming from, of course this comes from the issue of how we see marriage, i see marriage as sacred, but not everyone sees it the same way nowadays. because i see m arriage as sacred, i will think and take my spouse's interests in everything i do, she is part of my life for better or worse in health or in sickness. In cohabitation, to me, like what u say, not happy, pack up and leave, that to me, is pure non-committal and an excuse, does it mean u get along well in cohabitation is a guarentee to a good marriage life? Will cohabitation enable u to experience taking care of your kids? Will cohabitation enable you to stand by ur spouse in times of trouble for better or worse? Will cohabitation last? I do not want to sound like a marriage guru, no marriages are guarenteed to last, but cohabitation definitely will not make things better.Originally posted by jOhO:Linking what you said to what yun said above, this commitment you both talk about seems to arise because of the process that a couple has to go through to be married, and of course, another (even longer) process, should they decide to split up.
In other words, a co-habiting couple can just break off by one party packing up and moving out, while a married couple has to fill up 50 forms, wait a few months or even years and STILL have to pack after that. Not to mention the way society sees a divorced couple, and how the friends and family of the couple would react to a divorce. It would seem that since it's so troublesome to go through a divorce, a couple may thus stay "committed" to the marriage, instead of spliting up.
If the above is true, then I find humans really shallow.
Another point is that, why should a piece of paper with some ink on it make a couple more committed to each other? I would hate to be a person that has to think, "Gee I'm getting married to her, so I have to be more committed from now on." I would rather have myself think, "I'm committed to her, and therefore I will marry her." Commitment comes first my friends, not marriage!
To me marriage is an ANOUNCEMENT to the world that we are together, not that they don't already know. It is an expression of our joy of being in love together, a celebration, not a chain that binds us to commitment.
Sorry about the seriousness, this is just my humble opinion. -
er.. ok.Originally posted by gasband:i understand w here you are coming from, of course this comes from the issue of how we see marriage, i see marriage as sacred, but not everyone sees it the same way nowadays. because i see m arriage as sacred, i will think and take my spouse's interests in everything i do, she is part of my life for better or worse in health or in sickness. In cohabitation, to me, like what u say, not happy, pack up and leave, that to me, is pure non-committal and an excuse, does it mean u get along well in cohabitation is a guarentee to a good marriage life? Will cohabitation enable u to experience taking care of your kids? Will cohabitation enable you to stand by ur spouse in times of trouble for better or worse? Will cohabitation last? I do not want to sound like a marriage guru, no marriages are guarenteed to last, but cohabitation definitely will not make things better.
i reply later. too busy now for long, hard-thinking posts.... ahhaha -
WOOHOO! /me whistleOriginally posted by jOhO:Another point is that, why should a piece of paper with some ink on it make a couple more committed to each other? I would hate to be a person that has to think, "Gee I'm getting married to her, so I have to be more committed from now on." I would rather have myself think, "I'm committed to her, and therefore I will marry her." Commitment comes first my friends, not marriage!
I love the way you say, I am committed to her and therefore I will marry her and not because I am getting married to her, so I have to be more committed from now on.
But the thing is that - when it comes to the woman you like, seriously, I don't want to take risk. Stastically, cohabitation significiantly reduce the likelihood of a coming lasting marriage - figures can't lie don't they? Such results have a reason of why the outcome is like that and the reasons I have already mentioned above.
The thing about what I want to bring out is that I am NOT saying that cohabitation is bad - people can cohabit for infinite number of reasons, *but* HOWEVER, when it comes to a woman you *truely* love - do you want to *take*the risk?
The way the mind works is strange, but when similar situations happens, it often gives you a similar result. Cohabitation that leads to unpre-planned (before cohabitation) marriage, needs not just one, but TWO of you have to have the same frenquency on this view. But then again, chances are quite slim? (I said same, I din say similiar)
A simple analogy for this case is like when a relationship went through a single break-patch period in the relation's lifeline. When you patch - you are going with the same person, but somehow, the feel is different. After cohabitation to marriage, its roughly about the same thing (apart from financial, kids, etc), but with a totally different feel.
Food for thought: So... you know of friends who patch back don't you? In the end, did they last? Rarely. So you know of friends that patched once and went all the way till marriage? Even rarer.
Cheers -
I think it's acceptable if both parties are responsible & mature enough to handle it, that is to say both have thought about the consequences etc, and not just jump into it coz can hump anytime anywhere. It gives the couple a chance to get to know each other better and to find out, if they really can stand each other as much as they thought. Hehehe. I think even as a parent, at some point, you will have to trust that your kid can lead his/her own life. You also cannot be around forever to watch over him/her.
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wah steam~~
yun let me reply u later... i have to re-read becos dun really understand wat u're trying to say yet.. was speed reading. -
i dun think there is any wrong with cohabitation lor.. since.. they like each other.. then.. wads the problem?