To be a virgin or not be a virgin?
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I recently met up with the lady who gave her views on this issue after not having met her for awhile(she is from this forum too...and it brought back old memories about her views on this...I thought it is interesting to share with all people here.
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Her thoughts....
You dun need to have sex with someone to show you are in love with him. Your bf will also be jealous of guys you've never slept with before just as long as he thinks you've loved them.
FYI, I would prefer my boyfriend not to be a virgin. I want him to have a broader experience of life before he settles down with me, so he won't hanker after something he's never had and leave me for it. Also, he'll be more experienced in bed- a definite plus
But I won't want to know who he's done it with or how many. If it's only been one other woman, I'll wonder if she means more than I do. If it's with two or more women, I'll wonder if sex means nothing to him. You don't win, my dears. So no point knowing.
And there is no point letting this knowledge haunt you. What is most important now is that your partner loves you most. Look at it from the other way- no point having her body but not her heart.
If my partner condemns me as cheap, I will leave him RIGHT AWAY. In a relationship, you have to respect each other or there is no basis for it to go on.
I'm also looking for somebody with a similar mind, somebody who's not conservative or close minded. If he is, I wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place. And if I were stupid to fall in love with him, I think I would be wise enuff to get out of the relationship quickly. The difference in mindsets will cause a lot of unrepairable cracks in the relationship eventually.
And let's face it- a person is the sum of her experineces. You cannot love some parts of her and reject others. It all comes in a package. If let's say you have also done something wrong before you met your partner, which you are bound to have, like maybe break another girl's heart, is she supposed to hold it against you too? No, because she is looking at the person you have become, the wiser you who has learnt from his experiences, not all the mistakes you have committed. A person is really greater than the sum of his parts.
So have I ever regreted? Frankly, the answer is no. I don't believe that my body is the ultimate gift for my partner. I think prizing virginity is a stupid notion of possession- I have her viginity, therefore she belongs to me. And if you place all your hopes and dreams in the person you give your virginity to, there is a higher likelihood that you end up being disappointed. Why? Becos you see it as the ultimate gift, when it is actually not. There are other things that matter more.
Perhaps, my strongest argument is that I see my body not as a scared temple but something more organic- something I use to give and receive pleasure with a loved one. It's just a tool, a function of love. It does not represent love itself. That said, I dun have sex with people I have no feelings for.
And I would not have taken back all my sexual experiences in the world because it has colored my mind 'like wine through water'. I may have regreted doing it with one or two guys, but my mistakes have also taught me lessons on life. And these experinences have shaped my way of looking at the world, the person I am. They are invaluable as far as I am concerned.
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Any comments on this? -
Not really my stance. But to each their own.
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i like wat u say
it is true that experiences good or bad calluses and hardens our mind to the wonderful yet unforgiving world we live in.
i dun blame my gal for not being a virgin when i met her
nor do i blame her for wat she did in the past
i told my gal that i dun call about her past.... i care about now.... that's why its called a present
think about it -
steady lahz.. this is really a new nice perspective to ponder on. and it really makes sense
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Well-said in a sense...?Originally posted by Callan:I recently met up with the lady who gave her views on this issue after not having met her for awhile(she is from this forum too...and it brought back old memories about her views on this...I thought it is interesting to share with all people here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Her thoughts....
You dun need to have sex with someone to show you are in love with him. Your bf will also be jealous of guys you've never slept with before just as long as he thinks you've loved them.
FYI, I would prefer my boyfriend not to be a virgin. I want him to have a broader experience of life before he settles down with me, so he won't hanker after something he's never had and leave me for it. Also, he'll be more experienced in bed- a definite plus
But I won't want to know who he's done it with or how many. If it's only been one other woman, I'll wonder if she means more than I do. If it's with two or more women, I'll wonder if sex means nothing to him. You don't win, my dears. So no point knowing.
And there is no point letting this knowledge haunt you. What is most important now is that your partner loves you most. Look at it from the other way- no point having her body but not her heart.
If my partner condemns me as cheap, I will leave him RIGHT AWAY. In a relationship, you have to respect each other or there is no basis for it to go on.
I'm also looking for somebody with a similar mind, somebody who's not conservative or close minded. If he is, I wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place. And if I were stupid to fall in love with him, I think I would be wise enuff to get out of the relationship quickly. The difference in mindsets will cause a lot of unrepairable cracks in the relationship eventually.
And let's face it- a person is the sum of her experineces. You cannot love some parts of her and reject others. It all comes in a package. If let's say you have also done something wrong before you met your partner, which you are bound to have, like maybe break another girl's heart, is she supposed to hold it against you too? No, because she is looking at the person you have become, the wiser you who has learnt from his experiences, not all the mistakes you have committed. A person is really greater than the sum of his parts.
So have I ever regreted? Frankly, the answer is no. I don't believe that my body is the ultimate gift for my partner. I think prizing virginity is a stupid notion of possession- I have her viginity, therefore she belongs to me. And if you place all your hopes and dreams in the person you give your virginity to, there is a higher likelihood that you end up being disappointed. Why? Becos you see it as the ultimate gift, when it is actually not. There are other things that matter more.
Perhaps, my strongest argument is that I see my body not as a scared temple but something more organic- something I use to give and receive pleasure with a loved one. It's just a tool, a function of love. It does not represent love itself. That said, I dun have sex with people I have no feelings for.
And I would not have taken back all my sexual experiences in the world because it has colored my mind 'like wine through water'. I may have regreted doing it with one or two guys, but my mistakes have also taught me lessons on life. And these experinences have shaped my way of looking at the world, the person I am. They are invaluable as far as I am concerned.
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Any comments on this? -
chim leh....virgin or nt virgin..most impt is feelings mah..................
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Each has different life experiences...and hence each will think differently in life...
Sex, i should use, making love, is not something evil...it is a human need afterall.
Pple has sensationalised it to be something so great and ....
It all depends on what u hav gone through...some like war, some protest against it....some eat durains, others disappeared at the slightest scent of it...
mi guess, it is up to u, as long as u can take the after-mat...
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
i regret losing it at a young age..
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heh..
this is realli to each his own...
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personally....
i feel dat if my gf can be a virgin it would be da best... not because if she slept with someone she is cheap... but we could enjoy the process of exploration.... i believe dis is one of da keys to a wonderful sexual life in marriage... but i know i can't expect from others wad i dun have...
to me... i dun wan to know how many ppl da gal slept with... but if da gal really wan to tell me make sure its below 5... if da gal like slept with almost every guy she went out with i wun be interested in her in da first place...
in short if da gal slept with 100men b4 me pls lie to me and make sure i neva eva find out...
not sure if i added my opinions to dis thread...
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I dun care whether virgin or not, but it is a shame if u lose it for the sake of losing it. The issue is not virginity but it is about how u see sex.