My love life the entire version till now...
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and i thought part 4 was up before i left home earlier on, just to find out that part 3 was segmented.
ok... i'm done with part 3. let's proceed..
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Part 4 --- Heartbreak Hotel
After my breakup with my 3rd girlfriend, I bum around for awhile, and I entered my final year in Poly. I decided to go back to my father's company and help him out after sorting out our differences. My dad and I were never on good terms but we somehow managed. Coincidentally I met my fourth girlfriend because of that. She is the first one I really loved truly without a doubt, but then she is also the one that broke my heart to pieces. She is very pretty, I was tolded that she look abit like Annabelle Francis, and her bod is surely fantastic, 34C-24-35. She works out alot and she loves dogs like I do. And she is a very mature woman, 4 years older than me, know what she wants, logical and decisive, love her for those but as fate will put it, those are the reason she dumped me too.
I thought that this time round we will last, I finally learn the meaning of being sensitive, of just being possesive enough, of how to be romantic, and in fact I was thinking to myself that I am the best I can ever be. But I guess I was wrong, I wrote this part in the form of a short story as I feel it is the best way I can bring across the sadness in me during that time. Hope you people enjoy.
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She is sitting there, looking at me as I came walking thru the door. I smiled, walk over and introduced myself.
"Hi, My name is Callan, I'm here to pick up the flims that are supposed to be ready today."
" Callan? errmmm, Pardon me but where are you from, I am not that sure as I'm new here."
She smiled that innocent smile, one so captivating, so unforgrtable.
"Oh! No wonder I have not seen you before. I'm from XX press. So when did you start working here?"
"Today's my first day." She smiled again. "Isn't XX press In Delta, and you came all the way here!?"
"Yup, no choice, the prices are lower here. So I think I will see you around often, yes?"
"Yup, and by the way my name is XXXXXXXXX." Smile again.
XXXXXXXXX, a name that lingers on my mind for days, a name I doubt it will ever be erase from my memory for this life.
Sparks flew, we started to date, and one fine day romance landed in my life again.
The day is raining, rain seems to be flying down like splinters and I was outside...
*drool....*
"Hi, where are you? It is raining heavily outside are you caught in the rain? I am bored so I thought I call you."
"Me? I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, you dun sound too well, are you ok?
"Feeling quite bad actually, had a fever last night and woke up with the fever gone but the nose running."
"Anything I can do to help?"
"You? Nah, it is ok, but I sure wish I can have some Haagen Daz now, always feel good to eat some ice-cream even if my nose is running."
"Ice-cream? I dun think so...."
"Ok, boss is here, dun want him to talk, he knows I have been calling you."
"ok bye!"
"bye!"
Turning around I was determined to do something for her, I wanted to make her feel better. I hop into a cab though I was quite broke that day and went down to CK Tangs, I bought some haagen Daz and then with little money left took a bus to her workplace. I alighted with the sky still raining, I took a long and wet walk towards her office.
"Is XXXXXXXXX around?" I asked the girl sitting next to the desk she normally sits.
"She is in boss's room. You looking for her? It is not off work yet you know? And why are you so wet?"
"It is ok, I will wait for awhile."
Just as I turn around she is standing there...
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? And why are you drenched?"
"I thought I bring some ice-cream....Coffee Ice-cream?"
"How did you know I like Coffee ice-cream?!?"
"Magic....my heart told me." I smiled
Her tears started to flow, and we sat down and ate soggy ice-cream together happily, we are an item by the evening.
Things went very well for us, we are very much in love. We never had any disagreements, but we are both very proud people, it is a good thing we did not have any. -
The night was humid, we laid in each other arms, one of the few things we like to do together most.
"XXXXXXXXX, do you think we would ever be together? I meant really togehter, you know live together, have kids, watch each other get older?"
I ran my fingers thru her hair, so silky, so smooth.
"You mean get married?!?" I was surprised by the bewildered look on her face. I am not sure if it was surprise or disgust that she is feeling.
"Well, yes if you put it that way." I tried to sound neutral and indifferent to it.
"I dun know, it was never on my mind before this. Anyway, you still have yet to build your career yet. You know what I like about you?" She said as she is sitting up.
I continued to look at her eyes, hoping to find the answer. To me, it's like the wisdom of the universe is in there.
"I like the way you think about your future, I like the way you plan your life for bigger things in life. You are an ambitious person, so keep it that way." She did not wait for my answer to come.
I nodded, just like a little boy. I always feel helpless before her. Maybe it's the fact that she is 4 years older than me. Maybe it's because I treasure her too much. Maybe it's just because I'm in love....
She is quiet today. Something on her mind. I know, but I dun know what.
"XXXXXXXXX, is anything wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." A simple reply to a simple question.
"You want to go and have some dessert? Cheese Cake?"
She didn't seem to hear me.
"How about some Tiramitsu? We can go to Hilton."
"Callan, we need to talk." I anticipated that. She continued, "I dun think we should carry on."
"You not feeling well? Did you go to a doctor? I can sent you...."
"Callan, I meant breakup...." Soft and meek might her voice be, it was like a bomb to me.
"WHAT?!?" I was stunned but quickly recompose myself. "Is anything wrong? Something at work? I understand how you feel, You want to share...."
"Callan....Stop." She is now looking at me so intensely. "There is nothing wrong at work, nor anything else, it's just me." She paused. I keep quiet.
"It's XXXXX" She finally broke the silence. "Who is that?!?" I am confused. "XXXXX, XX Adverts." I kind of recall the name. But it was foggy. I choose to remain silent.
"He proposed." That was it. I blew myself. "WAHT DO YOU MEAN HE PROPOSED?!? YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM?!? IF THIS IS A JOKE YOU ARE CARRYING IT TOO FAR!"
She started to sob. I knew I frightened her. I have not shouted at her before. She was too good to be treated like that. I tried to cool my head, Nothing but hot air came in.
"So?... I am waiting for an explanation. I think you at least owe me that." I mellowed.
"I met him, he didn't know about you. He was nice. It just started like that." She is not making sense, so unlike her, I must have really frighten her.
"Ok, so what? What started?" I am denying myself.
"We went out. He is really nice.......he has what I need, and you are going NS soon..... I MADE A MISTAKE, OK?! BUT SPARE ME, OF THIS TORTURE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what my gal is like, so strong minded, never will she allow herself to break down infront of me. I think she is losing it. I turned and leave.
I could not sleep. I dun want to go back home. There's just all these flashback in my mind. I just sat there, alone in the night, alone in the park, nothing but my thoughts to accompany me. I feel so alone. I finally got tired of the loneiness, and decided to sleep in hope that I find something in my sleep.
I did not go to school, nor to work. I took leave, I switch of my beeper and phone. I do not want to face anyone, with my failure. I closed the door of the chalet, and did not open it for 3 days. -
Ring...Ring... "Hello....Hello?".......drooo...
I knew it is her. It is the 5th time this week. I have cool down alot since the "cold turkey" chalet. My logical nature did not allow me to dwell on my mistakes for too long. I told myself I have to move on. I will not go down. But still I decided to look for her.
She is sitting in front of me, looking down, playing with her own fingers. For once she looks like a little gal to me.
"How are the preparation going on?" I spoke first.
"It is fine." came the short reply
"You called me?" She nodds quietly.
"What for?" I prompted.
"I need a favour from you...." She paused to think. "Can you keep this down? XXXXX still doesn't know about you and me. And I dun think it will be good for him to know."
"I will not tell, but I am not sure about the others..." Trying to find an excuse.
"They do not know about it yet, and those who do promised not to tell." She stopped me. "It's you I worry about."
"What about the wedding?!?" I am confused.
"We will be migrating to Aussie. The wedding will be there." She explained.
"When will that be?"
"A few more months, once the papers are ready.... Callan......I would like my things back."
"What things?!?" Again confused.
"My photographs...things I left at your place. Just to be safe..." She smiled that smile again.
She never fails to surprise me. I expected myself to be the one in control. But again she conquered me with her demure aura.
"I'll take it with me the next time we meet."
"Just leave it at my house, my mum will be there."
"Ok..." I am dissapointed.
That was the last time I spoke to her face to face. Last thing I heard, all went well, and she has since migrated to Australia. Never heard from her. And now thinking back, I should have kept a pic of her, to remember her by. She is becoming foggy to me and most probably I only remember her name and that smile of hers in a few years time.
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After her I did not have any girlfriends for 3 years, no one I had any concrete feelings for just a few on and off kind of things as I know I am still not ready for anything yet. Maybe I was still healing myself then, I dun really know. All this time, I was in NS, it gave me a lot of time to think things through, about what really went wrong. I realise that most probably I am still not good enough, XXXXX is educated, successful, just 28 and the creative director of an advertising company, good-looking and hunky, he plays Rugby and could easily pass off as a male model, well-mannered and gentlemanly, I know he would not have come between us if he knows about us, and till this day I believe he is still in the dark about him being the 3rd party. And of course, I am still unsure about my future going to NS in 3 months time, definitely not as good-looking, and I stop working out for awhile and definitely is losing points in the charms department. I lost completely to him even though I got to be with her first and him later. The nine months that we were together did not mean much to her when it comes to logical thinking. she made the right choice.
I still feel sore about it every now and then, but I dun think of her so much now, it is only when people talks about her or on occasions like this that I recall everything that happened. But I have already move on, though the thought of her still does haunt me when it passes by.
After her like I said there are a series of woman that I have met, though they never become my gf, I still will like to share my experiences with them with you people, that is if you are interested, do tell me if you want to know about them, then at least I will have something to write on. For those of you who wants to know about my most 2 recent relationships, I am sorry, but they are someone rather dear to me and they surf the net oftens and come to this site, it will not be nice as there are also many people who knows what happen between us. So I will have to omit that part. I hope you all dun mind. But HEY! I am the author anyway!
Lessons learnt in Part 4
1) I still have a lot of room for improvement I am not perfect.
2) Shit still can happen no matter what you do, sometimes fate works in funny ways that does not seem fair.
3) Pride is useful only when it is needed, at other times it is just plain useless.
4) If you love someone hard enough, you will really know what it truly means to love someone. -
ok.. i still like the stories better in words,
probably because i can digest them at my own pace.
see? i stayed up this late just to wait for your part 4.
anymore to come? -
WAH! ok ok...you read quite fast also leh...hahahah...wait I post again...hahaha
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I am going to share some parts of my life where I did not make it as a couple with the girls I dated.
And no I am still not going to say much about the 2 most recent exs I had. That is by their request.
sorry folks.
And for part 4 I thought I did tell a whole lot about what happen that made us a couple...the part where I bought Ice-cream down to her office....it was that fateful day....still quite fresh in my mind actually...anyway...here comes the bizzare....
Part 5 --- Indian Marriage? Hell, now I am scared to think of it
After my BMT, I was one of the few lucky bas*tards that was posted to the police to assume the role of a NS Inspector. Well, they say I struck the jackpot of my life, yeh I agree I did, and I was grateful, the experience was totally different and I dun have to charge up any more hills. Anyway, I have to go through the 9 months of training in the academy before I can get my rank, and during this period of time it was pretty peaceful except for the fact that I was diagnosed with a serious sinus problem and have to undergo an operation for it. And because of this I was going in and out of the hospital alot and get to be home while my comarades suffer in the academy as I can't swim nor run or my nose will start to bleed and get stuck to my ears with mucus(Serious! The doctor advise the operation because I might go deaf if i dun. Sorry to the guys in my squad, but you all were great!) As I have a lot of free time on my hands I still carry on with my favourite past time chasing skirts. :p
I got to know this indian gal, though I can't recall excatly how, she was cute. She is able to communicate with me on a pretty comfortable level. I would not say that she is fantastically beautiful but she does have nice eyes and quite a powerful figure of course and I have to compliment her for that. I guess what I was attracted to was more her intellect. She is a trainee teacher, and is my age. She has this ability to be interested and find beauty in almost everything, which I appreciate alot when she is with me. Well I suppose I am that type myself and when you find someone like that, you somehow connect in someway. Simply she speaks my language, and I speak hers.
We agree to start going out though I was pretty skeptical about an inter racial relationship. But I thought she is good company so why not anyway. But strange enough I got to know her real well, and she like me is straight forward and frank when it comes to conversations and I appreicate that part of her very much. And of course I got to learn how to appreciate indian beauty, and I know how good she can look when she dresses up, definitely classic beauty. And surprisingly unlike the initial impression I have of indians she is rather soft spoken. I guess it is because she comes from a family where the family is largely made up of people working in the educational field. In fact her father is a retired teacher himself.
We got along really well, and I am beginning to think that it is actually possible for us to cook something out of it. So I took her to West Coast park one fine day to watch the sunset, thinking of poping the question that day. We were sitting on the bench, bathing in the rays of the evening sun, and I was just waiting for the right moment to ask her then suddenly...
Her: "Callan, do you think we are doing fine?"
Me: "Well yea, we click pretty well..." Ok she created the perfect opportunity for me.
Her: "You think we should develope further? I dun want to hang on in this position in a relationship for too long."
Damn! She beat me to it, she is even more eager than me about going into a relationship. I am quite surprise actually.
Me: "Ermmm.....yea...I was thinking of asking you that too..."
Her: "I find your company very comfortable, and I like it when you are around me...makes me feel very secure, but there are some doubts on my mind and I think I should clear them with you first before we come up to anything."
Me: "Errmmm...ok...I think it is better that way too....so what is it?" I am eager to find out myself too.
Her: "Well, my father is old, I want to settle down too, and I need commitment in the relationship I want to go into..."
Me: "ok I agree, I believe in commitment too..."
Her: "So my question is, I want to get married in 2 years time, can you do that?" -
This caught me off guard, seriously I never thought about anything like that...I meant, damn, who will go and think about such stuff when we are just dating?!??!
Me: "Ermm....I dun know XXXXXX, it seems abit too fast to think about something like that isn't it? What I meant by commitment is more on a more shallow level....you know....ermm...I never gave it much thought before."
Her: "Well, you should if you want to go into a relationship with me, I am not the type that just go into a relationship for the fun of it, I think about things in the long run."
Me: "I understand...but....isn;t it a bit too early to think about something like that?"
Her: "Not for me, for me it is something very important. I will not go into a relationship if I dun think marriage can happen."
Me: "Ok....I understand, but I dun think I am ready for a commitment at that level yet."
I was damn frank, it is the only way for me.
Her: "But I thought you like me..."
Me: "I do....but I really dun think I am ready for something this big yet."
She became very silent, we did not talk much after that, we just sat there, I feel pretty guilty. As the sunset, we were both drown in our own thoughts. To me, I am definitely not ready to go into something that serious now. Not when I have just dated her for something a month. We are talking about marriage here, it seems almost impossible for me to imagine anything close. But at the same time I was thinking if I should give it a shot. Nah, I dun think it is possible, I dun want to give her any false hopes. Talking about false hopes, I also wondered if I did give out any wrong signals to her to my intentions of a relationship. I serious cannot recall myself doing anything like that.
We left the place as it is becoming late, the mood was very different from when we came here. Both of us dun know what to say, it is pretty tense for the both of us.
Me: "So I guess it is best for us to stop seeing each other."
Her: "But dun you even want to try? I think I can love you very much."
Me: "That, I dun know...things are still pretty raw for us to say that yet, you know?"
She is silent once more, I think I am making things very clear to her now, I really cannot give her the type of commitment she is asking for. I meant to even think of it, I will just have come out of NS in 2 yrs, I still have a long way to go.
Her: "Can I kiss you? I really like you, at least let me know how it is like to kiss you. I want you to be special"
We kissed, and frankly I regretted doing that, I think it only make her feel worst. Her eyes were welling up when I sent her home. We stopped seeing each other after that night, I dun think it would be healthy for her, she should go out and meet guys who are ready for something like that, not me, I am not at that level yet. I cannot handle the thought of commiting myself to her and her alone, right even before we are officially a couple. I feel very enveloped by this topic in fact...andvery much wanted to draw myself away from this topic. Maybe I was never meant to be in any permanent relationships.
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Lessons learnt in Part 5
1) An attraction of the minds can actually happen in this era of lust and superficial people.
2) It is better to know the expectations of the other person before things go out of control.
3) It is not a good idea about the last kiss and last request kind of stuff, it makes it more painful actually.
4) I am definitely not ready for commitment in a marriage. (I am just reaffirming myself.) -
Hi Callan,
You don't know me, but just letting you know that I'm reading your reflections and memoirs and appreciating it. -
Originally posted by Callan:
i remember u showed us a couple of pictures in photoforum.org which u said she was ur ex-gf... the one i said very very pretty, remember? wif yellowish background and settings one.....
After her like I said there are a series of woman that I have met, though they never become my gf, I still will like to share my experiences with them with you people, that is if you are interested, do tell me if you want to know about them, then at least I will have something to write on. For those of you who wants to know about my most 2 recent relationships, I am sorry, but they are someone rather dear to me and they surf the net oftens and come to this site, it will not be nice as there are also many people who knows what happen between us. So I will have to omit that part. I hope you all dun mind. But HEY! I am the author anyway!
is she in this part 4 of ur life story? -
so sad
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Thank you!Originally posted by shattered vein:Hi Callan,
You don't know me, but just letting you know that I'm reading your reflections and memoirs and appreciating it. -
Nope no way....hahahahaOriginally posted by wee (aka danger):i remember u showed us a couple of pictures in photoforum.org which u said she was ur ex-gf... the one i said very very pretty, remember? wif yellowish background and settings one.....
is she in this part 4 of ur life story? -
Ok, I know people might not be very comfortable about me speaking on this, but I am just here to share my perspective and recollections on this issue. If you are expecting ranchy wild stuff that I am going to write, I would say that you can forget it. I was trying to put my thoughts into chronological order but sad to say, it was difficult, so for the rest of the parts I will just write according to the events as some of the events are actually related to each other.
Part 6 --- One night stands, the aftermath
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After my breakup with my 4th girlfriend, I was trying to pick myself up, it was not way even though I can tell myself to move on after the chalet. The hurt and pain was still there and I did not really move on. Life was vry much mandane and I only have one subject to take for my final year and is just waiting to go into the Army, during this time, I grew fat. Yes, most probably it is depression but I just eat alot, I stop working out, not doing much everyday and my mind was still hanging around the breakup. In fact I put on about 15kg in about 3 months. It is pretty drastic, and I dun really care about my personal outlook that much. I grew long hair and did not cut my hair till I entered Army.
By the time I entered the Army, I was a whooping 93kg. I entered the obese company as I am overweight when they did my PES grading. I did not really care, I just want to get it over and done with anyway. And I told myself that the Army will be a good place to take my mind off things. And it sure is, during my BMT, I placed my mind totally on training, trying to be the "best" I can be(I'm quite a slacker really). The training paid off, I lost 18kg in the 4 months I was there, going down to a more acceptable 75kg. After my POP parade, I was looking good, I can carry off wearing my cap sleeves and tight Tees once again. I got a very nice tan, and basically I am looking good.
During the one week of break I was having, me and my platoon mates planned to go partying. We decided to go Mambo. On the night itself I was there early, I have not enjoyed myself for a while and was having a great urge to party. I reached the place at 8p.m. which is unusually early, the place is still quite deserted. So I took a sit at the bar counter waiting for my mates to join me at around 9. I waited, and at 9.30p.m. still no one came. I was becoming fustrated, I called one of them, and they told me the actually went to Sparks, amd ask me to go over. I was pretty mad and I took my beer drank it and slam the empty mug on the counter. Then it is only that I notice a young pretty girl sitting beside me.
"Why are so angry? Cool down."
"Nah, it's my friends, they are suppose to meet me here and now they are at Sparks leaving me alone here."
"Hey! Same here too! My friends are asking me to go over to sparks as I am alone here!"
"Serious?"
"Yeh, but I dun want to go over so early, I want to stay around here for awhile more since I already paid for the cover. We can go together later if you like."
"Ok, I dun feel like meeting them now anyway."
So I ordered one more mug of beer and we carried on talking. She is quite a conversationist and we talk alot about trival stuffs. I can't recall how much we drank, but I remembered ordering a couple of Tequlia shots, and we were pretty high. Suddenly the topic turn to sex. I can't recall how but it did somehow. She was telling me she just broke up with her boyfriend and I told her I just did too. Something came over me and I ask her something I never would have ask anyone. -
"So did the 2 of you did it?"
"Did what?" She was quite high...
"You know..." I showed her hand signs.
"Oh....that...of course lah!" I am surprised by her forthrightness.
"What about you?" she ask cheekily.
"Nope, still virgin." I lied, I dun know why but I just dun feel comfortable about telling her about it.
"REALLY? Wow! Rare breed!!!" I am quite embarass actually.
"You never thought about trying meh?"
"Of course lah...but this type of thing want to try means try one meh?" I was quick to defend myself from the image of a nerd.
"Aiyah....you want to try I let you try lor..."
Shocking!!! I am actually being picked up by a woman whom I have only known for the last hour here. This is definitely a new experience for me. It is the last thing that I can imagine happening to me. I got pretty excited about the whole thing, I meant hey I never had a girl approach me like this before!!! Somehow, she pesuaded me to agree saying that we can go her house as there is no one at home and all. Eventually I fell to the temptation. I popped into her car and off she drove me to her house, I went into the living room not knowing what to do...I meant I really dun! It is the first time I am doing something like that!!!
Ok, sad to dissapoint you people, but I never did it, I chicken out at the last minute as I really dun believe that something like that was happening to me, also at the last minute before I went for the full thing....my 4th girlfriend came to my mind. Also my handphone rang and it is my friends waiting for me wondering why I am taking such a long time. I took the chance to give her an excuse for not wanting to do it as my friends are expecting me. She is pretty unhappy about it, but still she drove me to Sparks and we split up from there.
That was the first close encounter I had. I was wondering if I would have done it if not for my 4th girlfriend. The thought that I can be that decadent scares me.
Then, there was a second time, this time I remembered the date clearly, 2nd Jan 2000. The day after the millenium countdown (Note: I gain back quite abit of my pounds this time round, and is definitely fat now.) , I finished my duties in the morning and a few of us planned to go down to Studio East at night to party the party we missed out on. There I met a long lost friend. She migrated to HK when we were very young, primary school in fact and came back to visit a relative for the festive season. She looks pretty good now and I would not expect her to look like now referring to her child like looks then. Most of my friends did not turn up as they were too tired to come. In the end it is only me, my long lost friend and 2 other friends of mine. Both me and my firend did not dance much as we sat around drinking and catching up on each other's lives. She got very high, and was later totally drunk, I was high too, but I still managed, so I asked my friends to go back first and I sent her back to her hotel.
She is totally wasted and I did not want to leave her alone just like that in her room. so I stayed around till she is more sober. she then tell me she feels like vomiting, and I helped her to the toilet, she vomited. Then she told me she wanted to take a cold shower to sober up, and before I step out of the toilet, she has alreayd taken off her dress. I was there staring wide eye at her not knowing how I should react to it. Then the funniest thing happened, she smiled at me and ask if i just wanted to look or join her in the shower. Seriously I was stunned by this question and I dun know what to say. She just lead me into the shower and undress me and the rest I shall say is history.
I woke up in the morning, and I am still wondering if I did wrong. I did not feel good, in fact I felt guilty. to me my concept of making love needs to be based on feelings, and if you dun feel for the person what I have done is just lust. The session was good but emotionally and spiritually I was not satisfied, I felt that the night before was pretty empty. There was no feelings nor emotions attached to it. Attraction yes, but defnitely not emotions. On the whole I feel bad in fact.
When she woke up, she was smiling, and she hugs and kiss me, then I ask her.
"So when is your flight back?"
"Tomorrow morning..."
"Ermmm...you want to keep in contact? I tihnk we can develope somemore..."
"Callan.....I already have a boyfriend back in Hong Kong. Sorry."
"WHAT?!? oh...then why did yo still do it with me?"
"ermm....I dunno....horny I guess. Nonetheless it has been great, thank you." She kissed me and got up to wash her face.
I was thinking to myself, damn ****, I feel like a used tissue. Now I understand the differences in making love and having sex. There is no connection on the emotional level when it comes to having sex, and when you make love, there is actually a unison of the soul, the body and the mind. I told myself I will never have sex again, I will only make love, having sex feels bad. It is empty, unfeeling and in someway I feel dirty. I guess the swinger lifestyle is just not for me. Eversince, no matter what I will reject all one nights stands. (Not that there are many left for me to reject anyway, :biggrin:
)
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Lessons Learnt in Part 6
1) There is a difference in making love and having sex.
2) One night stands are not for me, I can actually feel bad after that.
3) It does not matter if you look good or not, if someone is horny and you look decent enough, they will want you. -
all the stories so sad ending, i read my heart pain.
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Part 7 ------- Sleepless in Singapore
I am sure many of you here who are familiar with the net here have overseas friends, and some even overseas lovers. Well, I am no exception. It was during my NS, it is one of those boring days when I am lazing around in the office looking for something interesting to do. So I decided to check one of my very seldom used Email accounts which has been lying around for a long time. Ok, it is filled with junk, over flowing, this is one of those that I used to register for adverts and other useless stuff. I was about to delete to whole junk of it when I notice a rather unfamiliar Email address, ok they are all unfamiliar, but this one caught my eye somehow, so I decided to take some effortto go through it since I am bored anyway. It goes something like...
"Hi Callan,
My name is XXXXX, I am from Sweden, I am an SBC, yea Sweden Born chinese. I am currently looking for friends in Singapore as I might be coming over to study over here next year, I came across your email in the ecircles database and am hoping to make a friend. Will you be my friend? Please write to me soon, I will be waiting. Hope to hear from you soon.
Regard
XXXXX"
I am wondering, it dates back to about a month from that day. I am wondering if it is just another one of those marketing scams, but the email is one of those from hotmail. Well, I was thinking it is only courtesy that I reply, and it might not hurt, this is a junk mail box anyway. I wrote back in similiar capacity given a brief introduction of myself and apologise for the late reply stating that I was out of town. How can I leave an impression that I am using a junk mail account to correspond right? Anyway, I am not really expecting a reply it has been one month anyway.
4 days later, I decided to check my mail again, I was anticipating something dispite the fact that I told myself there was nothing, and true enough, a new mail with her addy came in. I went through it and found her to be genuine, she is indeed someone looking for a personal friend. After that we went through serveral email exchanges, and I found her to be a rather interesting person. She sounds conservative but yet, the way she express herself is like one who is like a tigeress wanting to jump out into the wild from her cage. And yes she is faster than me in asking for a picture in the end. I am wondering if I should, afterall as I said I am no great looker, but then as I hesistated I told myself, what the hack, it is not like I am really gonna meet her anyway, and if she decides not to write anymore after the photo exchange I can jolly save my time from someone insincere. Gees, I am also hoping she looks great though, what a hypocrite I am.
I took a photo using the office digital cam and send it over, she states that she will mail me her photo by the next mail. My hearts pound with anxiety and excitment as I reach for the mouse and push the button. It is the first time I am sending someone a picture of how I look over the internet and the experience is exhilarating. I posted it, and tried not to think about it too much. But the thought huanted me, yea it did, the experience of the possibility of being rejected by someone even as a friend without even knowing who that person is or how she looks like is simply intolerable, it seems to me like I am on a cliff and not knowing if the wind is going to blow me off. Fear, mystery, and excitment bounds my mind throughout the day. I am breathless most of the time.
The next day, I eagerly checked my mailbox, she did not reply. I waited for another day, she still did not reply, ok, I thought this is going to be the end of it. I self comforted myself, at least I did not waste anymore time. And I finally got over it in a day, though it was not easy. But 4 days later came her mail, I seriously dun know why I am still continuing my checks on that mailbox. It must be the buaya nature in me that is urging me on, NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER! It was ringing through my mind as I saw that mail. Her reply....
"Dear Callan,
I am sorry for the late reply, but it was snowing heavily and the phonelines were down, could not go online till today. Recieve your photo, thanks alot, I am sorry I did not sent mine as promise but I thought I will save that till I see you personally. Yes, I want to meet you when I come over for a trip next month. I hope you are agreeable to that idea, but if you insist I will still sent my photo to you first......
Regards
XXXXX"
Well, you might have guessed my reply, I told her it is ok, I dun need her photo, blah blah blah, the physical ergonomics of a person is not important in a friendship, blah blah blah, and that I hope to meet her soon, blah blah blah....ok I was bull****ting, I was dying to know how she looked like , I was scared to death to see her, what if she turns out otherwise? What if...what if....what if I die before I meet her?!?! I was paranoid. Ok I know I am strange but hey it is the first time I am doing something like that, it is like making love, you ****ed up the first time round somehow too.
The month's wait is very much suffering, there is an air of mystery around me all the time, everything is like a mystery to me, MY VERY FIRST NET DATE!!! I Decided not to dress up, not to pose and even considered the option to behave llike a silly boy. I thought she might be thinking I am funny, but hey I dun wanna be funny! I wanna be cool, suave, and intelligent, as I like myself to be, and yes I told myself, that is what I should be. Though I often wondered if I can really pull such an image off all the time. -
I was at the airport, I was trying to be composed, I am half expecting someone to tap on my shoulder half the time, and wondering if the person who walk past me is her the other half of the time. And Finally my mobile rang, it was her, she is suppose to call me when she reach SG, I almost forgot that. Her voice is a bit horsie. Yeah horsie, there is an unfamiliar slang to her voice and she asked me where I am I told her I am at the air bus waiting area. She asked me how to get there and I directed her on the phone, and there she was finally in front of me when she appeared. And all I can see then, is the big big words SEX on my mind. She is gorgeous, long leggy 19yr old chinese girl, swaying hips, and tight firm upper body, thought she is abit on the big side I expect that since she is not local. her pouting lips are a firey bright red from her lipstick. She has a little mole near her eyes, and it seems so sexy to me.
She was dragging her luggage in one hand and reaching her hands out in the other, my hand shot out immediately like what my other lower body part is hoping to do. but as a gentleman who is suave and cool I am suppose to be steady and composed. And I tried my best to be. I barely managed my hello with the smooth tone I alway used, my uneasiness is definitely showing.
"Hi....I am Callan."
"I know...I hope I did not over dress, I dun really know the cultural here and I am dress up as in those magazine I saw which my friend brought over from here." She said shyly.
"Ermmm....well...you look great....really.....I think I am under-dressed." I cooed.
"YOu look ok, I like guys who dress like that it makes me feel comfortable when they are comfortable with themselve." She was like she is entertaining me.
"Ermm...of course. anyway let.s get a cab to you hotel." I am so guilty I wanted to hide myself. comfortable my foot, if only she can see how much I am shaking underneath my skin.
We went to the Elizabeth Hotel, some small hotel in the back end of Orchard. I suggested staying there as it is more economical. but frankly I am not too sure. she was here for only 4 days anyway before she goes on to Aussie. After settling down, I brought her around the orchard area, and as the same for all ladies, her first intention is to shop. We move around after dinner, from complex to complex. I was tagging behind as her excited self seems to known her way naturally. Isn't it the same for all woman when it comes to shopping? Well, we finally sat down at Swensen at Crown Prince and she told me she is so happy to be in Singapore, she wanted to come here since 2 yrs ago. But unnoticingly the big words that were on my mind seems to be dissolving away like sugar by her warm and friendly personality. She is a great conversationist, she talks alot thought her English is not that good, she is a Native Swedish but she can speak English but not fluently. I taught her Some Cantonese and chinese and some Hokkien Vulgarities. She say she wanted to know when someone is speaking bad about her. *shrugs*
We had fun for the next few days, I enjoyed her company thoroughly, but I somehow seems to be liking her. She is a really great gal, but though that, I am not sure, I think she is being just really friendly. On the morning she is suppose to leave, I called her, she was packing up, we went partying till quite late the night before and I was surprise that she woke up so early, I asked her what she thinks of Singapore now.
"It is a good place, but I wished that it is bigger. Too bad, the place is small for me. I want a place with more place to go."
"You meant you are not coming back?"
"Maybe for a short trip..."
"Hmmm...so you will miss anything here?"
"YOU? hehehe....really, you good friend to me, I love you."
"Ermm...Love you?" I was beaming inside...
"Yeah, I love good friends. You make me a very happy person here."
"Oh...XXXXX, do you happen to think that I will make a good BF?" Crossing my fingers.
"You? Of course! You are very gentleman. I like you alot, but I have boyfriend back in Sweden. You are like him very much, I think that is why I feel comfortable with you." I can sense that she is rejecting me....
"Oh, can I meet him someday? Will he be coming to Singapore?" I am trying to be a good host ain't I?
"He is going Australia with me, to study there next year, maybe we will come Singapore together."
"Ok, I sure hope to see him soon! so what time you want me to send you to the airport?"
"My plane at 4. You want to come at 2?"
"Ok. see you."
After she board her plane I am at the viewing gallery, watching her, imagining her on the plane, she is leaving....gees...I am rejected....ok, I did not ask, but I guess you know what the answer will be anyway. but she is really good company beyond the sex bomb impression at first.
After she went back to Sweden, we carried on our communication via email, but slowly as the date for her to go to Australia for her studies, the mails slowed, and my final mail to her is asking if she will bring her BF to SG to meet me up and why she has not been writing. Well, that was my final mail, that was coming to 2 yrs, and I have had not reply from her since. I guess, most probably she dun want to meet me anymore. Somethings are better left undiscovered.
Lessons Learnt in Part 7
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1)A hot babe might not be an exhibitionist who sents her photo around to others all the time, she might want to look for a true friend though that was not exactly on my mind.
2) A sex bomb might just be a facade to a great friend. The image sheds as you peel away the sex from your mind.
3) Sometimes, when a woman rejects you, in the nicest way possible, let it be, dun persist, she really is trying to be nice and not giving you false hopes. -
Hmm... Think I'm beginning to like your style already...?
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hmmm, storyteller go where liao............ why stop 1/2way~~ continue hor callan~~ i in office nothing to do~~~~
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Hey, why don't ya try telling your own stories...?Originally posted by Estee:hmmm, storyteller go where liao............ why stop 1/2way~~ continue hor callan~~ i in office nothing to do~~~~ 
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paiseh, has been single ever since borne........nothing to write about~~Originally posted by Devil1976:Hey, why don't ya try telling your own stories...? "