My love life the entire version till now...
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ok...this is a repost of my story...someone asked me to dig it up...but i can't seem to find it....so I thought I post it again.
Hope you all enjoy!
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Forward
This topic is dedicated to all the woman out there who proclaim themselves as pretty. This is not a declaration of war on them, but just a recent recall of the many nights of deep thoughts and many happennings in my life. This is also a opening to the inner parts of my life, all the sugar and spice in my life, and it is what slowly mould me into what I am, how I think till this day.
Disclaimer
I will not disclose any names here as I dun know if my exs are as open as I am about the relationships, I have to respect that. For those of you who knows who I am talking about, meaning you might actually know me or the person I am talking about, please refrain from saying that you know who the person is. It will definitely help.I dun mind replys since I expect some of you to have similiar sentiments about growing up this way. I just want this thread to be one where I can laugh at myself and at my own blunders and my past. I hope that you all can laugh at it together with me and enjoy what you read.
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Yes, I thought I was lucky, all along I told myself so. Why? Well, all of my girlfriends are pretty. They all are either the prettiest among the social group they are in, the prettiest in class, the prettiest in school blah blah blah. Yes, I am a lucky man. But do call me shallow, for I am, and I have been so damn shallow that I never learn. I am not a goodlooking guy, nope, definitely not one that ppl will turn thier heads at, not especially as eloquent and well-learned as many here. But yes, I have had pretty and plenty, and I meant really pretty girlfriends. Well, but listen, and you will say that this is one hell of an unlucky guy.
Part I---Elementary School of Relationships
Call me a late bloomer, I have been chasing girls for a long while before that, and in fact I first chase a girl in Primary 3, that was like 9? But I only got my first girlfriend that I dare to bring around and show my ah beng friends(Yes, I was one of them), was at the age of 16. She is pretty, Smooth white skin, long hair, big eyes, she is one of those high class lians, one of those whom you will turn around and look at. She belongs to the famous group of chio bus in a certain Secondary School at that time, and of course she is the prettiest among them. Well, I can't say I love her, now to think of it, it was more like puppy love, very dreamy. Well, I was better looking at that time, as most will agree but definitely dun make it to hunk status, but I sing well and I write poetry. Easy way to get girls at that age I tell you, especially if you are an ah beng, and not many ah beng do things like this. Well got her by writing her a poem declaring my love for her, was together for 2 happy months, the first kiss was passionate, I am a first timer, and well, I must say she is pretty experience for her age. things were going well, we do things that were new to us then, going to the movies, eating ice-cream, you know the first love kind of things but then soon things starts to go downhill, she told me she likes this hunky tan guy, and ask me to go for a tan, I told her will not make a difference since I dun have a bod like his, she took offense and told me that I dun really love her(well the truth is I dun), she then starts to take offense at every little thing I did not do for her. I meant it is not like she asks for them, she justs expects me to do them without her telling me. Things like, "Why you never go and buy me a new pen? Didn't you notice that the ink in my pen is almost use up?" Well, I suppose maybe I am not sensitive enough. Did try to salvage the R/S, starts to be damn observant, try and find out her every need, starts to do things for her without her telling me and well, I did suceed, but the problem is that she dun seem to appreciate them at all.
"I was thinking of you suddenly, and I decided to go and buy the Big Bunny Milk Sweet you like so much for you. Thought, you will be happy."
And her response, "Oh, ok." Puts it into her pocket and carried on walking.
Hmmm..I did wonder if I did something wrong. but nope I dun think so, for it is not about the timing, for it is always the same later, nor is it her mood, PMS or no PMS it is the same.
Well we broke up, but she is the one who dumped me, she ran off with another guy, Tall Dark and handsome. I asked her what happen, she just say that it doesn't seem to matter what I do anymore, she dun seem surprise, nor feel anything especially happy when I do things for her anymore. And she complains that I am not romantic enough. That I should learn how to be romantic. Well it is over finally after 4 months.
I did not hold on too long, was definitely sad for awhile, but I remembered it is only like 1 week or so, I got over it by telling myself, I did my best and that it is her who did not treasure me. Yah, I know it is the most typical consolation you can give to yourself, but hey it did work since I was still rather young, I suppose, I managed to believe that crap. Also the fact that I dun believe that the first will be the last also helped.
Well, looking back at it then, I was telling myself, that hell, I should have been more sensitive right at the beginning, and that it would be my duty to anticipate and feel what my girl will need. Poems and songs are only good at the beginning, they dun last. People can be tired of them pretty fast, but then again, if they appreciate you, it would not matter if you do it at all in the first place.
Lessons learned in Part I
1) Learn to be sensitive
2) Poems and Songs dun last and they are just part of you.
3) Dun make stupid mistakes like rejecting a request.
4) Learn to be romantic. -
*yAwNs*
Lolx.. -
I will post it slowly part by part...because it might be too much to read all at once...tell me if you guys want it faster all at once.
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haiz....
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Originally posted by Callan:
*scratch head*
Lessons learned in Part I
1) Learn to be sensitive
2) Poems and Songs dun last and they are just part of you.
3) Dun make stupid mistakes like rejecting a request.
4) Learn to be romantic.
you sure point number 4 is mandatory?
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alamak... so we have to CHANGE for the gal ah...
i remain a bachelor better -
wah... i think it's very tiring to be observant at all times. like buying a new pen for her when u notice the pen ink is running out.
tiring not becoz of buying new pen, but becoz to be dem bloody observant.
i can be really observant, but to ppl's body languages or tone in speech to interpret his/her feelings. not to the point of noticing pen ink!?
but that was a good story from callan tho... kinda reminds me of my first gf too... puppy love situation as well...
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this is a nice story..
being sensitive is good but being over sensitive will chase the girl away..
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yeah~Originally posted by kohanson:this is a nice story..
being sensitive is good but being over sensitive will chase the girl away.. -
become a monk?Originally posted by kopiosatu:alamak... so we have to CHANGE for the gal ah...
i remain a bachelor better
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hahahhaa bcos of a pen
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Part II --- Growing up, the wrong way. maybe.
Life goes on, started to go poly, life was uneventful, but since I was paying for my own education then I have to work, and I found work in the last place I thought I will be, TCS. Started off in the background work, then was having a short stint as a part-time actor, and that is when I really started to work out. starting to develope what you might call a man's body, was a bit of a Gym fanatic, it is wonderous what the enviroment can do to you. Started to take supplements and all, work out in the gym, my normal routine work out would seem so impossible now to me, 2 hours in the gym, then to the track for a 2.4km run then to the swimming pool for a 40 lap swim. I do it like 3 times a week, and was seriously feeling good about myself, it is those times that I will look at myself in the mirror for a longer period of time then now definitely, nothing much to look at now. also I lose contacts with a lot of my ah beng friends after I went to poly.
Got to know my second serious girlfriend in TCS, let's just say she is in the glamour business. And yes, she looks good, again fair flawless skin, a smile that captivates, sparkling eyes, and a great body. Oh yah she is rich too, she is one year older than me, drives a Honda CRX, I do feel rather inadequate then, but I guess the developments in my bod makes up for the confidence part. Was dating her for awhile, then one fine day, while she is driving me home, I pop the question. she told me she will have to think about it in awhile, and she did not take long, just an hour later. The next day we are offically the newest couple on Caldecott. (I thought it sounds good, ha ha)
We were like glue, always out together, I will normally meet her after school, and she will be paying for alot of the places we go to. The supplementary card her father gave her was more than enough for us to have a good lifestyle. I am always over at her apartment, since her parents were travelling most of the time. Till now I am still not very sure what her father do, but I vaguely recall, her telling me that he is a consultant or something. Most of the time, it will be just me her and the maid. But what I really love are the weekends when the maid goes out.
Though it was pretty embarassing once, when I was sleeping over and her parents came back home. I went out to the living room in my boxers. Damn, I thought I am done for, but strangely, the parents just stare at me wide eye, and quietly went into their room. I even had breakfast with them the next day. And guess what, the next weekend that I slept over, she took out a box of condoms, and I ask her since when did she start to buy those, and she told me her mum gave it to her and ask her to practice safe sex. WOW! This is surely an open minded parent. Anyway, this time, I learnt from my previous experience and I learn to be romantic. I still do the singing and the poem stuff, guess they are a part of me even until now, I still do them, they allow me a channel of expression which always satisfy me, but this time I cut down on it. Afterall I have a better bod to put my stakes on now.
She is very fun to be with, she has no inhibitations when she is with me and feels totally comfortable, we are simply crazy together, doing stuff that are sometimes wired in public, things like going to the fountain and taking a walk in it. We simply enjoy each others company.
My attempts at being romantic were pretty ambitious, and it was easy since her house is empty most ofthe time, and it is a good thing she has a car. We will go to the beaches and all, and on her birthday we went to a rather seculded part of the loyang beach, I brought some petrol from the petrol kisos. I alighted the car first, while she is unpacking the food and all. I use the petrol to write and draw the words, Callan and XXXXXX forever on the sand and then lit the fire, it was a beautiful sight although it was pretty smoky, we had to move to another part of the beach for the fear of authorities coming down to catch us for the fire. Then we had champange and sandwiches on the beach, I managed to save up and bought her a small ruby ring. She was so touch, and truly happy. We counted stars and I sang her some love songs. It was truly a beautiful night as I now still recall. Well, like I said this time I learn how to be romantic, and she did say that I was the most romantic guy she has been with, but to think of it, she was still pretty young then, so if she met more guys she might not have said the same.
I also made an attempt to be sensitive, but no matter how hard I tried it did not seem to work out for me, it just seems too fake for me to do things like that. I sometimes think that such things should be from the heart and not to do it on purpose, it is like I have some ulterior motive for my actions then. I will try but in a half hearted kind of way. but she did not really mind about that. She is more of a realist, and the type that likes to get things done herself, she seldom calls me up and ask me to do something for her. In fact sometimes I think all she wants from me is just companionship and an official person she can get physical with and not be guilty about it.
But I have a problem, I was so damn possesive. I dun like the idea of her talking to other guys at the work place, she is the friendly type, and will simply talk to anyone, and when she goes out with other guys, I simply cannot take it. I am at the age when I feel so insecure about myself, I might be looking my best then, but I still have the weak and frail ego within me. We quarrel often over this problem of mine. She is young and she definitely have the rights to choose, and it did not occur to me then that I was in the wrong in not giving her what she needs, I am still insensitive remember? She also complains to me that I seem to be giving her too much attention that it suffocates her. I have to admit that it is so, the insecure me did not allow me to leave her alone when she needs to be.
In the end we spilt up, at the end of 6 months, we were already quarreling very often, and we both dun think that things will work out. I am too possesive and she is not willing to give up her social lifestyle for me. We belong to different worlds too, as she is simply too rich and it makes me feel like a kept man. Also there is the problem of her needing to go overseas for her Fashion Design Degree. We parted on a good note though, but I heard that she got together with a french guy soon after she went overseas.
Sad to say we did not manage to keep in contact, she wrote me a letter 2 weeks after she goes abroad, but that was the last letter, I did write back, but there was no reply. And I did not bother anymore as my life starts to go into motion again as a new lady enters my life....
Lessons learn in part 2
1) Possesiveness is only good in adequate quantities.
2) I cannot accept a woman who does not relies on me, I need to feel wanted.
3) Romantism works! -
hahaaha
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>envious<
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Originally posted by kopiosatu:>envious<
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so good, got rich gf.Originally posted by toothie: -
Eh...y you put your cock face for everyone to see??
Wa liew....hahahahaha
Haiz....learn from your experiences and learn what
kind of person you are is good... -
i also the same in point number 2 above...
Lessons learn in part 2
1) Possesiveness is only good in adequate quantities.
2) I cannot accept a woman who does not relies on me, I need to feel wanted.
3) Romantism works![/b]
i wanna feel wanted. but too much reliance on me also pisses me off. very contradicting on me....... -
Part 3 ---- It is always better to be loved by someone?
My second girlfriend left me, I got over her in awhile, during this time, I was constantly understanding what it really meant by not being possesive. And after watching some drama series(yes, they do help in the dramatic way.), I come to realise that it is all about trust, about how confident you are about yourself, about how confident you are about your girlfriend. It seems to me that if you trust your girlfriend enough, it does not matter if she is going out with another guy or not, it is all in the mind set that you are still the one she loves, and the one she wants to be with. If you cannot be sure about that, it shows a sign of low self confidence and immaturity. Here sensitivity plays a part too, I am still learning how to be sensitive, it is no easy task. If you are not sensitive enough and just let your confidence rule your head, it will be over and she might be running off with your best friend before you know it. Hmmm...tough, tough.
Anyway, I was bumming around for awhile, doing the usual cheeky stuff, trying to pick up waitresses and pretty girls. Was going out with this waitress for a week or two but we did not work out, she is ok looking, but she sure has an attitude problem. She is constantly playing hard to get with me, she knows I do like her, and hell, I know she likes me too, but I cannot stand the way she will go to great lenghts to try and make me comply, going out with her for that 2 weeks was like having a mental warfare with her everyday. And that is when I realise how tiring mind games can be, for i was worn out soon enough. So I told her sorry, I have had enough and I am not going to put up with such bullshit anymore, well I dun think I regretted that, I managed to get a few french kisses from her anyway, I am going to take that as payment I suppose for putting up with her for awhile. ( Yah, I am a bastard, but thinking this way sure helped me to move on.)
Then, I decided that I want to be with a girl who loves me, a woman who will want me, love me and treat me like gold. Tough, I am not Tom Cruise you know, but somehow I told myself I must at least have the chamce to be loved by someone more than I love her, it is tiring to be giving always. And I dun think anyone would be complaining about being treated like a king.
I quitted the TCS job, it is pretty tiring, and I thought that I have had enough of showbiz, too superficial for me, and I thought I was superficial enough to handle it. So I got this part time sales promoter job from Whirlpool Singapore. It is a job with more regular timing, and I get to meet alot of people, I like to know more people, and I like a big social circle, and so I like the job. and it is also here that I got to know my third girlfriend when I am 19. She is tall I tell you ppl only 18 years old and already 1.7m, long sexy legs, black layered hair, atheletic body, and an exploding bosom. Yes, she is a 36C, and hell I cannot stop staring at them when I first met her. It is pretty embarassing as I think she notice it too. She was there walking around as she is waiting for her friends, I took the excuse of wanting to introduce some products to her to talk to her. Yeh, I am a cheap, low down and desperate buaya. but of course she gently decline. Well, something got over me, most probably her chest :p, I was telling myself, man I have to know this girl!!! So I switch topics also instantly.
"Even if you dun want to know my products, at least know me, my name is Callan, What's yours?" I have already extended my hand for a handshake and it would definitely seem impolite of her to not even shake my hand.
"Ermmm...XXXX....sorry I have to go...my friends are waiting for me." She shook my hand and turn around almost immediately.
"Ermm, why not I give you my number, you can call me if you want to, I really would like to know you better." I scribble my number on a piece of paper.
"Ermm, ok...." She took the paper and took a look at it.
"Ermm, why your number so funny one? I never see this type of number before"
"Oh, it is my Handphone number" I am beaming, yeah I know this heavy metal case will come in useful somehow though nobody really calls me.
"You have a handphone?!?" She was surprise.
Well, she call me up after 3 days on the pretex of checking to see if I really have a handphone, but I took the chance and ask her out, She did not agree. but she call me the next day and asked me out for coffee. We met up, things went smoothly and we started to date. She is a passionate person, emotional too, but somehow I like it, and I have to say I did my fair part of the courtship, but things went into auto mode after awhile, after one movie, I just held her hand and she did not say anything and we were on our way. Things went pretty fast for the 2 of us, she is the only child, not having many ppl to talk to and is calling me all the time, she is stuck like glue to me alot, I like the feeling of being love initially. she does a lot of things for me, cares about me alot, and yes, she wants me, she is always telling me she needs me, always asking me why I dun seem to mind her talking to other guys and going out with them, wondering if I really do lover her. The fact is I do, I know just that after the previous lessons, I learn to trust, and she is already showing me so much security that to me, I will always be on her mind and I dun feel bad about her going out with other people. Yes, I trust her, but the problem here is that she is too good to me and that she dun trust me.
Let me explain, you might find it weird for me to say too good, but the fact is the expectation she has of me. She expects me to return her love in the same amount she gives me, and it is scary. Well here is an example of how much she loves me. I do have a pretty bad temper then, and there were times when I just want to be alone because I am in a bad mood, but the problem is that she dun understand this need I have. Once I was so pissed off, that I shouted at her to get out of my face because seeing her makes me feel like shit. and you know what her reaction is? She came over, hug me and put her face behind my head, and then proceed to tell me that she dun want to leave me alone, and that she wants to stay by my side, and if I dun want to see her face, I dun have to as she will put her face behind me. Instead of feeling graditude, I push her away and ask her to get lost once again. She just sit there and crying, not wanting to go despite my many shouting. To me, it is scary, I will not know how to repay such patience, and it seems like she is giving me pressure to pay attention to her. I feel enclose in my own world again not wanting to come out. It makes me want to drift away from her because I fear that I dun know how to pay her back with my love which I actually doubt if it is enough. -
The other problem is that she dun trust me, she is very possesive due to the fact that she has given so much and pf course her insecurities. She does not like it when I am talking to another girl, and she will quarrel with me if I am to go out with any other girl other than her. And if I spent too much time with my friends she will complain that I dun care for her anymore. It seems strange to me that this is actually happening to me as it seems that now my role has reverse from my second girlfriend. and now I truly understand the reason why she told me she needs her own space, because now I feel it too. and the more she did this to me the more I want to move away for the fear of my own space being invaded.
Thing did not go well, we carried on for awhile about 7 months, of which 4 months I was not really happy, but I did carried on and bear with it as I was also enjoying the perks of being pampered. I dun know if I should let her go because I am wondering if it is really me that is in the wrong.
Another thing I dun really like about her is the way she goes so public about our sex life. In fact most of my friends even the gals seems to know that we are doing it somehow, I did ask her why as a lady she is not actually embarass about it. And her explanation being that it helps her to stake her territory, so that other people will know that I belong to her and especailly the gals will stay away. Frankly, initiatlly I am more amused then angry, for it is not common that I find a woman like that. But then it gets to a point where she seems to enjoy telling them how often we do it and how much we enjoy it and all. Yes, she does have a high sex drive just like me, and I have to admit that the times spent under the sheets were happy. But it does not mean that you have to show it so obviously. It gets to a point where my friends will take a look at me and say, "You just did it right? How many times this time?" I makes me look pretty bad like I am some wild swinger or something and that our relationship to others is one that is based on physical desire, which of course is definitely untrue.
But frankly the way we ended was pretty dissapointing, though she says she loves me so much and that she cannot go on without me, she dumped me for another guy. We were quarrelling at that time and was not speaking much to each other. Then this guy who was liking her for awhile fell sick, got his mum to call her, requesting her to visit her son, and so she went in order to spite me. And as expected the guy ask her leave me for him while sick in bed, yah yah, the guilt trick work once again. She gave me a call after the visit and the conversation is as such.
"Callan, XXXX ask me to be his gal..."
"SO?!?"
"I want to know your opinion on it..."
"Well, if you want to go, then go! No need to ask me. If you think he can make you feel better go by all means, you dun seem to be satisfied with what I do anyway!"
"I thought you might say so...I was thinking that this might be your answer...but now that I hear it from you, I am more sure of what to do."
I was silent for awhile...
"I need to feel wanted, and you dun seem to want me, while he seems to need me so much..."
"No need to explain yor actions, if you want to go, then just go"
After that I put down the phone. I was confused, as I began to doubt if she really does love me, for it seems like if she does, why does she say such things. Again I did not dwell for too long, but it did take me awhile to put my thoughts into perspective, it is only after a month that I am able to tell myself that I should forget about this whole thing and that we were just trying to accomodate each other. It is only then, that I begin to be sensible and logical enough to really move on.
But the funny thing is that I heard the guy dump her for another girl 3 months later, but I never asked her about it as I only heard this from her friend, she did not call me for a long time. Not until recently...which I will talk about it later on.
Life went on for a while, and I went on a couple of dates but did not really managed to put my life into another relationship until I am 20 yrs old.
Lessons learn in part 3
1) Maybe I am too unpossesive this time round.
2) To be love by another might not necessary be a good thing after all
3) I am not the type that can accept someone so possesive too.
4) First impression do count in trying to chat up girls. -
my heart pain when i read the 3rd one.
i can't do no.4, sianz -
Not exactly...but hey...these were my thoughts then.Originally posted by www:*scratch head*
you sure point number 4 is mandatory? -
Notice why I'm single now?Originally posted by kopiosatu:alamak... so we have to CHANGE for the gal ah...
i remain a bachelor better -
If it's that good...I would not have left.Originally posted by kopiosatu:so good, got rich gf. Pride at stake here! hahaha -
We are a contradiction...and so are woman...I can share that in another article...but then again...that's for another day to discuss.Originally posted by wee (aka danger):i also the same in point number 2 above...
i wanna feel wanted. but too much reliance on me also pisses me off. very contradicting on me.......