How to communicate with a ex-gangster sec2 educated?
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Hi all,
I recently encounter a new guy at gym who is an ex-gangster and only sec 2 educated? I find it very hard to communicate with him? In fact our communication went so bad that there was a breakdown. I am quite vexed as I first time encountered such a problem. Any solutions from the masses?
Some of my thoughts
1. Ignore him completely because he is a low-level creature not worth the effort --> I was thinking that why the yellow project failed because the society treat ex-criminal as outcast. Should I follow the crowd?
2. Give him more time as these people are slow so to know him well, give him more time. How long do these people take to know each other to get to friend level? I only take a few ecounter I can treat him as a friend. But he humm.
3. Try to accommodate him as his language dictionary are limited --> so his speech is limited things therefore I don’t understand him but our communication already break down.
I think he is someone worthy to know or befriend with so how I should solve this problem. Any ingenious idea? Thank you.Is there a book called "how to communicate with society outcast for dummy?"
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My thoughts on this matter:
1) Why do you categorize him as a 'low-level creature'? It is his choice, whether he regrets it or not, but to openly labelling him is indicating to me that you have a poor sense of EQ.
2) Anybody, be it school dropouts or ivy league graduates, will requires one to know them long enough before you get to know him/her 'well'. So to speak, education level has no effect on the time frame to get to know a person well.
3) Isn't friendship all about accomodating? You don't expect most of the people out there to be thinking and talking exactly like you, do you? Take it as an opportunity to learn more about his way of life, culture, etc.
In your 2nd last statement, you've mentioned you think that he is someone worthy to befriend, so I would suggest to go ahead.
And no, I do not think that there is such a dummy book, in fact, the ability to befriend, I see it as a soft-skill that takes time and experience to develop.
Regards
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Thanks AFC AFC: if categorize him as a 'low-level creature" is inappropriate then what you suggest as a better term to link with "not worth the effort "? I meant just figure of speech. I don't deny may my EQ is limited so that why must ask other people out here. The thing about no 1. it is that is the society ignore these people or these people exclude them from the society.
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Originally posted by Lokey:
Hi all,
I recently encounter a new guy at gym who is an ex-gangster and only sec 2 educated? I find it very hard to communicate with him? In fact our communication went so bad that there was a breakdown. I am quite vexed as I first time encountered such a problem. Any solutions from the masses?
Some of my thoughts
1. Ignore him completely because he is a low-level creature not worth the effort --> I was thinking that why the yellow project failed because the society treat ex-criminal as outcast. Should I follow the crowd?
2. Give him more time as these people are slow so to know him well, give him more time. How long do these people take to know each other to get to friend level? I only take a few ecounter I can treat him as a friend. But he humm.
3. Try to accommodate him as his language dictionary are limited --> so his speech is limited things therefore I don’t understand him but our communication already break down.
I think he is someone worthy to know or befriend with so how I should solve this problem. Any ingenious idea? Thank you.Is there a book called "how to communicate with society outcast for dummy?"
Communicating with them.. is not an art.
Listen more.. judge less.
You don't have to always give your unsolicited "educated" opinion.
They are humans.. they have feelings.. pride.. and their own point of view.
If you are befriending him because you think his pai kia status can come in handy in the future.. you're seeking the wrong guy for friendship.
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go another gym
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Lokey: Maybe just refer to him as a casual acquaintance? Thing about society, doesn't consists only of educated people, we still have all sorts of social classes. Instead of differentiating and discriminating, why not embrace a person irregardless of what class he belongs to?
Sometimes you see, being rich and powerful doesn't directly translate to happiness for all. Different people gauges things differently.
Regards
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why do you need to communicate with him ? ....
why are you so anxious to communicate with him, since he pisses you off ? ...
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Originally posted by Fatum:
why do you need to communicate with him ? ....
why are you so anxious to communicate with him, since he pisses you off ? ...
If I never learn how to communicate with him (as in these type of people), I never would. If I don't learn how to understand, how to make policy and create action/act/move to deal with them.
I can always shut myself (easy way), but I would never learn.
It is easy for the society reject them. (Currently there is no path of school dropout to get back to school and once out of the main stream, they remain as outcasts)
I think I used (like most people) to simply ignore these people (believing they are hopeless) but that person somehow change my view. Perhaps, I should remain my view point thinking that they are all hopeless as suggested by my friends?
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Originally posted by Lokey:
If I never learn how to communicate with him (as in these type of people), I never would. If I don't learn how to understand, how to make policy and create action/act/move to deal with them.
I can always shut myself (easy way), but I would never learn.
It is easy for the society reject them. (Currently there is no path of school dropout to get back to school and once out of the main stream, they remain as outcasts)
I think I used (like most people) to simply ignore these people (believing they are hopeless) but that person somehow change my view. Perhaps, I should remain my view point thinking that they are all hopeless as suggested by my friends?
you can't make the whole world like you, that seems to be what you're trying to do ....you both pisses each other off, tough, move on ....
what's the reason for wanting to communicate with him ? ... cos you have a need to ? ... do you have to see him professionally, in your job, or what ? .... or you just had some noble ideas about extending the hand of friendship to some ex-con or whatever, yadda yadda ? ... if it's the latter, aren't you condescending to him too ? .... if you two don't get along, then why are you persisting ? ...
or you're a girl, and is someone who's attracted to those bad boy type ? ....
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Originally posted by Lokey:
Hi all,
I recently encounter a new guy at gym who is an ex-gangster and only sec 2 educated? I find it very hard to communicate with him? In fact our communication went so bad that there was a breakdown. I am quite vexed as I first time encountered such a problem. Any solutions from the masses?
Some of my thoughts
1. Ignore him completely because he is a low-level creature not worth the effort --> I was thinking that why the yellow project failed because the society treat ex-criminal as outcast. Should I follow the crowd?
2. Give him more time as these people are slow so to know him well, give him more time. How long do these people take to know each other to get to friend level? I only take a few ecounter I can treat him as a friend. But he humm.
3. Try to accommodate him as his language dictionary are limited --> so his speech is limited things therefore I don’t understand him but our communication already break down.
I think he is someone worthy to know or befriend with so how I should solve this problem. Any ingenious idea? Thank you.Is there a book called "how to communicate with society outcast for dummy?"
There are many ways to communicate with people with past criminal records.But I don't think you are genuinely interested to befriend this new guy at your gym.
Maybe you should take a second look at your own post again and tell me why you deserves to befriend this new guy at your gym WHEN YOU THINK SO LITTLE OF HIM!!!
I think the main problem lies within yourself. Fix yourself first.
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Ya...one common and popular misconception is that people usually think by befriending friends with criminal records would gain them so form of protection against any forms of social hostilities.
But like have said, it's just a common and popular misconception conceived by cowardly people around the world.
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Originally posted by parn:
There are many ways to communicate with people with past criminal records.But I don't think you are genuinely interested to befriend this new guy at your gym.
Maybe you should take a second look at your own post again and tell me why you deserves to befriend this new guy at your gym WHEN YOU THINK SO LITTLE OF HIM!!!
I think the main problem lies within yourself. Fix yourself first.
Ok I am trying to learn here so don't fire me. Hummm what you meant by "WHEN YOU THINK SO LITTLE OF HIM!!!" --> I think he is alright, worthy, someone who I can trust and befriend with. (I don't trust most people at all; I am a HSP so I must protect myself)
Befriending is just befriending no reason, I like that person so I bother to talk to him loh. I can know stuff that is on the other side which is something new to me. I am curious guy so humm.
I am a guy, not homo.
I don't think befriending him bring me any good stuff so far at least I don't see good then harm. Harm as in my emotion are all stir up and so overwhelming till I cannot sleep at all.
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It's always a culture shock to meet someone who comes from a vastly different background from you.
You will be forced to make several paradigm shifts, question your own baseline, and make decisions on your world view.
This can be uncomfortable and many people choose to take the easy way out by classifying people into convenient stereotypes - as long as they are easily filed and compartmentalise - you don't need to think too much about them.
Are you getting to know him because in your 'worldview' - you SHOULD get to know some ex-criminal types to 'enrich' your social life and motivated by some altruistic intention ~ then I think by that very premise you have already put him in a mould that you expect him to fill (and disturbed if he doesn't)
So your questions are healthy - but do remember that this person you met is just an individual. Would be good if you keep in mind that, and don't evaluate him as a stereotype BUT as a person - else it would be grossly unfair to others.
Not to mention self limiting.
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Originally posted by Lokey:
Ok I am trying to learn here so don't fire me. Hummm what you meant by "WHEN YOU THINK SO LITTLE OF HIM!!!" --> I think he is alright, worthy, someone who I can trust and befriend with. (I don't trust most people at all; I am a HSP so I must protect myself)
Befriending is just befriending no reason, I like that person so I bother to talk to him loh. I can know stuff that is on the other side which is something new to me. I am curious guy so humm.
I am a guy, not homo.
I don't think befriending him bring me any good stuff so far at least I don't see good then harm. Harm as in my emotion are all stir up and so overwhelming till I cannot sleep at all.
Did you not referred him as "low-level creature" in your point 1?Did you not referred to him as " these people are slow " in your point 2?
Did you not said "his language dictionary are limited" in your point 3?
And you did mentioned you wanted to look for a book called "how to communicate with society outcast for dummy?" . Exactly who is the society outcast?
Of course I know you're a guy, which girl would go to a gym and fret about not being able to know a guy with a criminal record?
If you really want to befriend him, think positively of him first then try to talk to him again.
Most of the times, it's your real opinions within yourselves that is giving you negative thoughts about him. And that could be the reason why you were stumped during your conversation with him.
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Parn: thanks. but I think you get me wrong. I just typing to stereotype people so that I can communicate with them.
In the past, the problem with me is that I talk too fast. I can shoot out too many facts like a bullet train. And people just get overwhelming and they feel inferior and try to get away from me (It only take me less than an hour to finish a 3 hour exam paper). People admire me but also fear me. So to correct this, I must slow down my speed of speaking and thinking to accommodate other people.
I don't really have negative opinions about him so far. He have given me some good impression so I bother to communicate with him
Yes I trying to say it, I get to know him based on my worldview, so how to break the barrier to get into his worldview. It is difficult but how to? The fact is that I know so little about these people and I don't know how to deal with them.
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History may just have been made here - I actually agree with parn.
Lokey, you've got a major malfunction happening here, namely your severely out-of-whack perception of where you stand in the world. You're treating other people as being outcasts, inferior and of limited vocabulary.
Here's a little home truth to chew on. People neither fear nor admire you. You're a megalomanic, conceited, partonising twat, and you simply piss them off. That's why they want to get away from you and frankly, they exercise excellent judgement in doing so.
On the extremely unlikely chance you actually do want to join society, what you need to do is pull your head out of your arse, perform a reality check of your place in the world, and generally get your shit together and stop acting like a complete wanker.
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Lokey, you're being extremely arrogant here by calling that ex-gangster a 'society outcast'. You sound so condescending, I wonder why you'd even bother to try communicating with him. In fact, don't bother because with your attitude, you are already doomed to fail! Who would want to communicate with someone who judges him/her and worse, condemns him/her? What are you trying to achieve here? Appear charitable?
I think the best way to communicate with someone is to emphasise how similar you are with them, not accentuate the differences. If you approach someone with that attitude, then even if you do not speak the same language, you can smile at each other, and bask in the good vibes.
From the sound of it, you lack empathy and worse, you think you are above the ex-gangster. That won't get you far.
And you know what? So what if he has only received Sec 2 education? You can contribute a lot to society with or without a degree. And, on that same note, Masters-holders can be royal a--holes and retards who are more scum-my than ex-criminals on-the-mend.
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well, if u tried to speak in perfect english, of course he wont understand la.
u try talking to him in hokkien peng with cb and fuck you come out in almost every sentence. sure can click one
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TS is interested in the ex-gangster?
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Originally posted by Rhonda:
Lokey, you're being extremely arrogant here by calling that ex-gangster a 'society outcast'. You sound so condescending, I wonder why you'd even bother to try communicating with him. In fact, don't bother because with your attitude, you are already doomed to fail! Who would want to communicate with someone who judges him/her and worse, condemns him/her? What are you trying to achieve here? Appear charitable?
I think the best way to communicate with someone is to emphasise how similar you are with them, not accentuate the differences. If you approach someone with that attitude, then even if you do not speak the same language, you can smile at each other, and bask in the good vibes.
From the sound of it, you lack empathy and worse, you think you are above the ex-gangster. That won't get you far.
And you know what? So what if he has only received Sec 2 education? You can contribute a lot to society with or without a degree. And, on that same note, Masters-holders can be royal a--holes and retards who are more scum-my than ex-criminals on-the-mend.
ok. If "society outcast" is inappropriate then what is a better term to use. To me, society outcast just means people who do not follow the norms of the society.
Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?
One of them is in Changi Prison, I just feel that I can do so much more before another of them do something wrong again. I really don't know, these people are out of logic. By the time the police catch them, even the best lawyer is useless.
I never say that they cannot contribute to society. If there is a communication problem then how does people approach them. How to even interact with them in the very first place
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just open up and have no barriers. why are ex-criminals so different that they have to be approached differently from other people. they are human beings as well, like what you said. go ahead as per normal! do you approach indians, malays and chinese in a different way?
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hmm, imo, educational level only affects the topics that u can talk to him about, which may affect the friendship in the long run, after all, conversation is one building block of friendship, abeit a small building block.
it's interesting you want to start a friendship with an ex gangster, i think it's great. btw how u know he's an ex gangster?
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Originally posted by Lokey:
Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?
Oh, puh-leeze. "People admire me but also fear me"?! You have no clue about people, so get your head out of your arse.
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Originally posted by Lokey:
ok. If "society outcast" is inappropriate then what is a better term to use. To me, society outcast just means people who do not follow the norms of the society.
Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?
One of them is in Changi Prison, I just feel that I can do so much more before another of them do something wrong again. I really don't know, these people are out of logic. By the time the police catch them, even the best lawyer is useless.
I never say that they cannot contribute to society. If there is a communication problem then how does people approach them. How to even interact with them in the very first place
Sounds to me that you want to befriend him so you can keep an eye on him, so he won't do stupid stuff and get caught by the police... something like a mother child relationship, with all the nagging of the mother, but with no monetary allowance given... right?
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Just adding my two-cents worth.
Start with respect. I do not know how you found out he is an ex-ganster and had up to sec 2 education. do not see him that way. treat him like another mate, a fellow guy who shares the same interest, i.e. going to the gym. there is no need to dumb down your speech with him. you might just have to speak a bit slower if you tends to rattle on a little. if you sense his vocabulary is limited, use common words that he could understand. there is no need to talk to him like a child. he might not be as well educated as you are, but he has life experiences that you probably never had.
be genuine. be honest. if you do not understand what he is trying to express or certain terms he uses, ask him to clarify for you. most people do not take offence if they can sense you are sincerely trying to communicate rather than mocking their command of the language. by doing this, he is likely to feel more comfortable to clarify with you if he doesn't understand any words you use.