MY DEEPEST PAIN.. part 1
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sorry to all, im not very profound in my english..
have been to this forum a few days already..
seems to have alot of sad memories pouring over me whenever i read about others' stories and point of views..
Wish to share my part..( might be quite long and detailed as i hope after all these i will "delete" myself out of our story"
It was never a puppy love, she was the one i wanted to marry during this 6 years....
She, i name her as "Yan", this is how i affectionately called her when we were still together.
We got to know in a part-time job in a cinema theatre in 1997 till then i was a 1st yr poly student.
I was just out of love that year, 1st love just broke up wif me... thus i saw shadows of my 1st gf in Yan...
Yes, to be exact, yan was just a replacement of my 1st gf...
they are of many similarity. Soon, i started to pursue Yan with all my bests.
And when the day to confess how i wanted her to be mine, she didnt accept me straightaway... scared that things might not turn out in the way it should be. I wanted her to consider in 3 days' time to accept me
God, still remember when she said in the phone, if she was to miss me as her bf, she would feel it a loss.
How should i describe her. Yan is a very talented ger, can illustrate drawings very well. She used to interpret all her happiness and sadness in her drawing...
of cos, she entered a renowned art campus in sg after her 'O's, this is what im proud of her, i always think that its a bless to pursue own interests in studies in SG.. since in SG its has to be practically to study and a degree on hand would be best and most of us studied for the sake of study.
6 mths from the day we knew, i was with her. I told her that i would take care of her and shower her with all my love, not to let others hurt her... claimed myself as a very lucky guy, Yan was such a ger that most guys would yearn for..
her gentle, her talents, her devotion yes.. of cos her guai guai nu looks. Its my fortune, I was her 1st BF.
Even though i din really love her that time, i told myself i would nurture my love with her and to let this relationship ongoing if within my reach.
I was seeking similarity of my 1st gf from yan, of cos she wasnt aware of all these though she knew i had a heartbreaking relationship before. Not too long after a month, she began to hint she wanted a ring. Yes, i bought it not too long when we became bf gf.
I was a poor student then, in my pocket only $10. I used it to buy 2 silver rings from Montips at tamp mall.
I waited downstair her block, looking at her lift indicator that the lift was coming down from her level, i put the ringbox on the stair in front of the lift(when the liftdoor opened, one could see it)
I hid myself behind a pillar-wall.
She was so thrill on seeing the ring... when i wore it thru her finger, her laughter... i wont forget it to the end of my life..
There were pretty lots of events and things filled up in this relationships.. of cos ups and downs...
Still remember, in whateva things she had wanted and i used to buy it for her if i could afford to do so would always ended up we bought the last piece..
Hahaha.
She used to stand by her bed room window to see me walk off till i wasnt within her sight, (we lived 2 blocks away) that kind of closeness and her gentleness in my hand i wished to hold on till my last breath.
She used to say she had dreamt of me before she knew me. I always thought we can last it somehow.
Every movies we watched, she would always collected those ticket stubs and put in a box. Told me that in future when we getting older, those stubs can be pasted on a board and frame it up for our views.
It was quite smooth sailing for our relationship during 1st half year till my 1st gf called me up again. No one understand my feelings that time, already had a gf, restart a new life with a new ger but the past came haunting back.
But i didnt go back to my 1st gf, i have to be responsible to yan. A ger who is so much in loved with you and is willing to give up whatever just to be with you, u wont be able to break her heart. Not to the extend as i begun to fall in love with this ger, my gf too.
Im not a good guy, always vent anger on her if things werent getting well. This eventually lead to our separations now. Will write down in details too in further story.
She came from a broken family with two elder sisters. Her parents are divorced, mother remarried to another man. For many years she lived with her grandmother, someone who she is closest to above me. Till her grandmum's nearing days, she told me that she had wanted to concentrate on taking care of her grandmum, asked for a break up. Of cos i agreed. Not too long, her beloved grandmum passed away and before that day we had had a very heated arguement. I was very guilt-stricken then, no one could understand her pain more than i do and to think that i gave her more pains adding in only quarrels and quarrels. Many times i had wanted to cut off this relationship. if we are really meant for each other, why do we always quarrel? Why do we cant be like before when we just started out?
Not too long after her grandmum died, her stepfather moved in, this man she only address him as uncle behind his back. Her grandmum never approved her mum's marriage to this man.
I had wanted to study in australia after my poly. She cried helplessly, cause that time beside her grandmum who had passed away, i was the only kin she was to have. Rely on me fully in our relationship. Though i was the one always started out the fire, i was able to melt her heart easily everytime. Can say that i took her for granted.
I didnt go australia after i finished my poly. She never know that she is actually the main reason for me to stay behind. Of cos, as i said that she is a ger many guys would yearn for. I always get jealous over another guy/guys.. quarrel things like i mistrusted her suspected she did something let me down behind my back. She would always flared up all her thorns and yell:" DO you think im the type of ger whoever guy i will also accept? Im not a %^@*! as you think i am!!!" And thereafter many similar events i would quietly apologised.
During our 5 yrs and 3mths , we never really did take photos except neoprints together. She told me photos are meant for memoir and we dun need that since we will grow old together and have 20 30 40 yrs together. I was totally mersed by the way she engaged our future. The way she interpreted our future i never think that we will go our separate ways one day.
I dun want to elaborate but yes, we did things that any normal couple out there would do.
Once i told her, life would be incompleted without her. And after many things we went thru, i asked her y she chosed to be with me, she would always answer me that her life would oso be incompleted without me too. She always said we both have same thinkings same feelings, talked alike.
After finished her diploma, she stepped into society... this was the time things begun to change...
i closed my eyes, can still hear the loud thmp of heartbreaking sound. i cant accept she has left me. to be continued... -
My condolences,
u`re a gd man..
i hope things will turn out good for you..
Best Wishes,
BaByBoY -
all the best to you...
i.c.y -
perhaps u should just PM him v
~Edited by FOGA~
DO NOT CROSS-POST AMONG FORUMS. -
My Pain.... PART 2.
Before she finished her diploma, she helped me built up an online web company.
As i have written earlier on, Yan is a very talented ger and whateva she has wanted to learn, she would do it in tip top position till she's so professional in it..
Of cos, im very picky of my future wife-to-be, she had always lamented that i gave her alot of pressure. I want my gf to be pretty, can cook well, have a gd career, must obey whateva i say. My expectations of her would always lead her to sob.
Maybe its low self-esteem, actually of our careers we drifted apart, my online company did not do well.. and of cos after our break-up, its ended as well.
To look back, when i first mentioned to her, i wanted to do my own thing like a small business after i came out from poly but jobless. She was behind me all the way, my company logo my namecard.. etc.. she did it all for me.
It was me who didnt strive hard, this perhaps made her lookdown on me.
Till her 1st year into society, she would always reprimand me my career didnt take off well with her. I didnt take it as a "push" but i felt more low-moraled.
Her spending of buying clothes, facials... i wouldnt even give her the basic my financial ability didnt allow me to do that.. Of cos i showed her my temper more oftens.
I wanted to make life easier to her, not to say luxury but at least no worries in our financial status. I have a high pride always, even if i have no extra money to dine in places like swensen, i would never let her foot the bill. If she insisted, we would end up in heated quarrel and that really strained our relations and feelings begun to fade.
Her 1st job as a career officer, opened her views in many ways. Whenever i saw her boss fetching her to office, i would become very disappointed, wonder y olso.
Her job was very tough, had to go airport to fetch workers always till late-night. She wont let me follow, afraid to let me see her tough job and i would discourage her.
Of her 1st year in society, i sensed strongly changed of her. Perhaps i was the one who lagged behind her pace. And i became very low-moraled and felt inferior.
I always believe hard work does pay off but not to the extent i din even have the luck to get a good career.
I cant give her life of superb quality, and as high pride as a guy always should have i loathe myself more. Every now and then i blow my top even with the tiniest problem. for e.g. i would scold her if i wasnt the 1st priorty above her mother. i mean she has to go out with me before her mother. To be frank, she gave up all her friends for me. She is the typical type of ger, who is willing to gif up friends for the sake of love instead.
Till now, when we have broken off, my buddies would always say its partially my fault, my bad temper. I bought it upon myself to cause this relationship came to a halt.
Im the type of guy who has very deep family values. Thus, will always be at home when my dad and mum need me. My dad worked as a technician but now has retired. The nature of his labour job has greatly affected his health in long term. His kidneys are not strong, my mum's health has been weak too.
As the youngest in the family, of cos im very much attached to my mum.
Due to something, my family has been disapproved of my relationship with yan.
But Yan's mother treated me well enuff. I believed she had already thought i would become the one her daughter would marry to.
Our loveship has been to the sly, as her bf when we were together, she would always lament me that we lived in a world undergroundly soon see no future with me.
Every sat, i will always bring her to airport i like tranquility. We always stayed there and looked at the planes half listened to CD and talked about our future.
But my future has been a mist to me, and she's getting further to me, i sometimes would feel we were so near yet so far.. maybe i already have the feelings and hints we would end one day.
I do believe true love does exist, i have tasted it but from there i believe that true love will end too if both parties come to a point when there's no more endurance and spaces.
I miss the days when we just fell in love and we would meet up at her void-deck merely just for 5 mins and we treasured every single second of it.
I miss the days when she waited for my phonecall till she dozed off beside her phone. The days she leaned against my shoulder, she sobbed whenever im fierce at her and the days i waited for her after her school and years later after her work. I wont forget how she scolded me when i used up part of my 1st pay to get her the watch she liked... she has been very thifty for me.
I miss the days when she would gently call me "laogong" and "bear bear"...
How many times we quarreled and tears from her, made me more matured in the sense that when i looked back i didnt regret i once loved her.. but she is the one who regretted to be with me. When we broke off, she said that she wouldnt waste her time to me anymore. Nobody can understand my heart being break into pieces, when 6 years of commitment turned into only a phrase of "I will not waste my time on you anymore"...
Maybe after all, if she really loves me, she wont leave me no matter how much we quarrelled.. no matter how bad my temper was.
To be continued...
i closed my eyes, can still hear the loud thmp of heartbreaking sound. i cant accept she has left me. -
You have to do some soul searching as you are the one that did not put in enough effort to change your attitude towards her
-
Yr story sounds a bit like my r'ship with my ex but some differences here and there and we were not that long into the r'ship.
Wah she can tahan for 6 yrs. I tahan for 4 yrs before moving on with my life. Now I still wonder if I should have left earlier instead of wasting my time and energy on him. Maybe I was much more soft hearted then.
I don't know about her but for me the resentment built up because the whole world has to center around him. To me, he never cared how I feel it was him him him and him all the time.
I got sick of giving in all the time and told him I will not be wasting my time on him anymore and whatever love I had for him before has gone with the wind and he can jolly well treat it as a dream. Said my goodbyes and never looked back since.
Hard hearted? I don't think so. Tried fixing things which never worked out because he is not willing to change. Plus, I didn't think that I want to look pretty, cook and be the wonder woman for someone who doesn't seem to appreciate me. Gave him chance time and time again, and I did tell him that once I make up my mind for good, you will lose me forever.
Yes, his temper was his weapon as well. Oh yes he was so damn good at emotional blackmail. I was supportive. I paid for his school fees, books etc. I helped him with his business plans and such.
You can say that though I've moved on, there is still some resentment in me towards him. I don't think I can fully forgive him and yet I know that I am to blame too for not moving on earlier.
I'm happy with what I have now and I can say that I'm lucky to be blessed with a wonderful guy now, just that I still blame him and myself for not moving on sooner. -
My Pain.... Part 3
Yes, i know mostly people (including all my brothers who known me of more than 10yrs) will jolly say its my faults. I admit, its really my faults.
On looking back, i really have not done enough as a bf or her so-called laogong.
She had told me before she wanted to marry me once i have a stable career.
This girl really gave me almost her everything. Or should i say that when she gave me all the interpretions of us to grow old together, i did the same to. I gave her too much false high hopes.
When she made up her mind to go, i believe its not a minute or day's considerations. She must have been struggled with this thoughts for a very long period. For i know that she loves me still when we JUST parted. She told me she will remain single forever.. from this i know she loves me. But now... of cos thing isnt the same anymore. I do not have her news nor from her mother when i bumped into her mother day's ago.( We live 2 blocks away)..
To elindra, im different with ur ex.. of cos i would NEVER let my gf pay my expenditure or whatever.. i rather be starved. Frankly, this was once of the thing me and Yan had differ view. She loathed me for my stupidity when my pockets didnt even have a single coin, and i would never ask her to lend me... this is what i call till now "GUY should nv eat soft rice"
In fact, when she was studying in her Art campus... to be frank, her school fees, her arts materials were very pricey.. at that time i was only a student myself then. Both of us didnt really have good meals in schools so as to save up to buy those things. I did on my own will because to me, to do this is also a happiness... for the ger i love.
When i was in poly, of cos there were quite alot of temptations, gers in my class or courses were not bad either. She had been very worried for me to change heart, which to me, as a guy once you have already your mind, its a kind of responsibility not to hanky panky anymore. Maybe guys out there can jolly well laugh at my conservative. But, this is my personal view and principle.
The campus which she studied in, of cos was full of yandaos and all could dress so well, so ... artistic....
But i would never never never think that we will come to an end after we both grad from dip.
Not to the extent why things only changed since we managed not to change under much stronger temptations but after it???
I only brought her to my buddies once.. she didnt really like my buddies.. as i said that she is a very quiet ger. Cant actually mix in.. Thereafter she didnt join in my gatherings with my pals. Maybe we didnt have common friends, so when we quarreled, no one could actually help us.
After a year as a career officer, she left her company. I had wanted her to join me and fully committed in my online company. But her mother opposed to it. To Yan, she has a practical mind too, she doesnt believe in own business, she prefers steady income.
Thus, she went in search of another career not too long after she quitted her 1st job..
One thing i felt puzzled is when she's not working she would be very clinging to me, day and nite she would want me by her side.
And third months after that, she found another career as a graphic designer.
Its her forte, sooner or later i knew she would join this line.
She always wanted me to give her moral supports for all the things she wanted to gif her best in it.. but its didnt really matter now.
I supposed her last straw came when i yelled at her. My father hospitalised at this point, venting my frustations on her more than ever. Perhaps im not used to show her the soft side of me, i dun like to cry dun like to pour out my sadness, thats y no matter what theres always a "WALL" between both of us. And she knew it. I knew that she has been trying her best to break through this "wall"... but i reckon this pressure has been too great for both of us..
I will not be okay however till i find a suitable career for myself.
To be continued...
i closed my eyes, can still hear the loud thmp of heartbreaking sound. i cant accept she has left me. -
Originally posted by TaeWoon:I was a poor student then, in my pocket only $10. I used it to buy 2 silver rings from Montips at tamp mall.
I waited downstair her block, looking at her lift indicator that the lift was coming down from her level, i put the ringbox on the stair in front of the lift(when the liftdoor opened, one could see it)
I hid myself behind a pillar-wall.
She was so thrill on seeing the ring... when i wore it thru her finger, her laughter... i wont forget it to the end of my life..
There were pretty lots of events and things filled up in this relationships.. of cos ups and downs...
Still remember, in whateva things she had wanted and i used to buy it for her if i could afford to do so would always ended up we bought the last piece..
Hahaha. -
Haiz...Too much hurt..
-
there were once a couple.
the guy bought a pair of rings.
engraved on the inner side of the
rings was the date they were together....
den one day they quarrelled, very badly.
in the fit of anger, he took off his ring and
gave her the ring. he said
"when u decide who u really love, and if it's me, den u give it back to me"
the day never came...
sometimes i wonder if she still keeps the rings..
perhaps it's no longer important if she did. -
Cheer up a bit.. maybe u can take time to do some refections and maybe try to change them? take care...
-
lyn~ is my wonderwoman... hi lynlyn wo ai ni!!!!Originally posted by ~Lyn~:Cheer up a bit.. maybe u can take time to do some refections and maybe try to change them? take care... -
My Pain... PART 4
The last scenario of our last time quarrel... i waited for her after her facial. I didnt tell her before hand i was going to fetch her. Anyway, i missed her and she went home.
She's actually awared that i would go to look for her as usual. I asked her to meet me which she seemed to be reluctant. Thus, i went to her block. With me a bottle of medi for her beloved pet---- a netherland dwaft rabbit. I duno why also once i saw her, i yelled at her. Her second sis was with her then. Of cos, her sis walked away on seeing this type of circumstances.
She seldom sweared... but she ranted at me threw back to me the bottle of medi.. and she went up her house again. That was the first time i saw her so fierce towards me.
Till evening, i called her hp. As usual when we argued. she would always switch it off.
Thus, i called her house, her mother told me that she has gone out watching movie with her second sis...
I was really hot at that time... imagine after a fight and she could still watch a movie without me??? Of cos due to my low mood, i have told her very very long ago that i have no mood for any movie or entertainment caused of my dad been hospitalized. She was actually the one who could provide me moral supports i needed badly but she was always not around by my side...
She has the feelings within her that i was the one who hurt her immersely.
The next day, when i called her to meet me up.. i thought that we could simmer down and talked sense out. She mentioned that she wont take footstep after her mother, her mother is a typical wife who is very afraid of yan's stepfather..
Simply made a comparison of me and the man she hates most, her stepfather.
After we met, to buy some errands. I reached home and sms her, i needed a breaking up. She agreed immediately. As usual i regretted hours later, which was dawn the next day. She had refused to patch things up and wanted me to concentrate on my family my career. She told me she needed happiness and not sufferings, which she judged as a result for all along our almost 6 yrs's relationship. I refused to let go by sending her cards and visited her mother at home bought food for her family. Finally, i called up her second sis, who i didnt know that she is actually the one that persuaded Yan to leave me. Yan and sisters grew up in a family without parental loves, their real parents always quarrelled and thus Yan will not allow herself to be in same situations like her parents.
Yes, i admit im the type of guy when i faced difficulties i would always mention breaking up but thats a sort of "leave me alone and let me cool" stand. I mean no harm. But that actually incurred her wrath after all.
When i recalled i realised she never really initial to go. I was the one with countless times. And this was what she said me as a childish person, i played along this and she said that im wasting her time. When i begun to mentioned our past and vows, yes she did soften. I believe she did cry too when she chosed to leave for good.
The more i smsed her or tried to call her, she hates me more. She mentioned that i never cherished her, chances given to me to change my attitude but she never ever find any changes on me.
And im well aware that between us, it will be the same even we patch up. Our problems will never be able to solve and things will rotate and back to the "starting point" again.
Not too long after we broke off, i managed to see her when i went out for dinner alone.
She lost alot of weights, on seeing her so pale-looking, my heart bled. I couldnt call out to her for her sister was with her and i had to backoff from their facials' expressions.
Finally after nearly 3 months, i went to her workplace. I thought that when my dad has discharged from hosp. I could solve and settle my own things. Yan ran off when she saw me approaching, she took the other mrt which opposed directionally. (we both lived at east side). Thereafter i didnt try to find her in person anymore. I knew its really the end.
That day was the day we broke off. 14th Sept 2003.. exactly one year from the date as today..
To be continued -
Yan.. if you happen to be here and read this.. its me.. u will noe it
I send you my last email, why no response from you? You really can forget about me? Life without you isnt that easy.. hope to have you back.
You may say that im childish again.. in my love take it as i am.. but life is still incompleted without you...
I never ever walk out from where i have always been...
though i sounded i dun really wanna wait for you.. but i cant help it.. i still love you. You might say im being forceful again.. lets say im stubborn, disgusting.
I cant forget our 6 yrs together, you mentioned i just get used to you not love. Or was it the way you felt for me, you din love me, you just got used of me, my existence.
I will wait regardless of what... -
Originally posted by TaeWoon:Yan.. if you happen to be here and read this.. its me.. u will noe it
I send you my last email, why no response from you? You really can forget about me? Life without you isnt that easy.. hope to have you back.
You may say that im childish again.. in my love take it as i am.. but life is still incompleted without you...
I never ever walk out from where i have always been...
though i sounded i dun really wanna wait for you.. but i cant help it.. i still love you. You might say im being forceful again.. lets say im stubborn, disgusting.
I cant forget our 6 yrs together, you mentioned i just get used to you not love. Or was it the way you felt for me, you din love me, you just got used of me, my existence.
I will wait regardless of what...
it's never easy to forget... -
to each his own...
no one can tell you wad's best for u.
u have to decide for yourself.
whatever u choose to do; to wait, or to move on, pls accept my sincerest regards and best wishes.
fogaOriginally posted by TaeWoon:Yan.. if you happen to be here and read this.. its me.. u will noe it
I send you my last email, why no response from you? You really can forget about me? Life without you isnt that easy.. hope to have you back.
You may say that im childish again.. in my love take it as i am.. but life is still incompleted without you...
I never ever walk out from where i have always been...
though i sounded i dun really wanna wait for you.. but i cant help it.. i still love you. You might say im being forceful again.. lets say im stubborn, disgusting.
I cant forget our 6 yrs together, you mentioned i just get used to you not love. Or was it the way you felt for me, you din love me, you just got used of me, my existence.
I will wait regardless of what... -
it's not gonna be easy.
but it can be done.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
it's never easy to forget... -
I miss her alot....
Days are fulfilled only with disappointments...
i see everything still linking with her..
when i walked aimlessly dunno where shall i go... there's no her toking with me anymore...
there's no her rearranging my messy wallet anymore..
there's no her waiting for my call anymore...
there's no her going to our usual changi beach and airport anymore..
there's no her supporting me, whenever im down in mood...
there's no her letting me hold her hand when i need closeness..
there's no her telling me about her daily events...
there's no her showing me her drawing and websites...
there's no her bringing her rabbit to go out together...
there's no her clinging onto my arm like a baby...
there's no her asking me what she should wear today..
there's no her crying almost everytime when i flung my temper...
there's no her asking me why i treated her so harsh...
there's no her vowing to my world till the end of time will we part...
there's no her sharing her pains with me...
there's no her sms-ing me that will love me a lifetime and kiss me gd nite...
there's no her wanting me to give her a bear hug...
there's no her affectionally calling me bear-hubby...
there's no her accepting my blue rose....
there's no her waiting for my career to be stable so as to marry to me...
therer's no her enduring my unreasonable manner and high pride...
but there's her in my heart day and nite..
I know i will not be able to erase her and the past off my mind...
I let her down... though she is the one to give me up...
I never blame her for being fast and non-hesitate, she must have having lots of pains to chose this ending...
I love her... i know... but she's doesnt belong to me anymore...
I remember her words... told me to let go if i really love her... letting her seek her happiness... days without me will be so relieve...
Relationship that has went through many ordeals adn such a long way only ended up as nothing... -
~ Let Me Let Go ~
Faith Hill
I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind
In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go
I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go
The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see
Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go -
gd lyrics.. but when can i let go...?
-
actually it depends on u...
it's gonna be difficult but at least start somewhere.
"the journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step"Originally posted by TaeWoon:gd lyrics.. but when can i let go...? -
Originally posted by foga:to each his own...
no one can tell you wad's best for u.
u have to decide for yourself.
whatever u choose to do; to wait, or to move on, pls accept my sincerest regards and best wishes.
foga
Thanks brudder~ -
Originally posted by foga:it's not gonna be easy.
but it can be done.
I can forgive but I can't forget..how to forget a person who u have loved before? How to? -
Originally posted by TaeWoon:I miss her alot....
Days are fulfilled only with disappointments...
i see everything still linking with her..
when i walked aimlessly dunno where shall i go... there's no her toking with me anymore...
there's no her rearranging my messy wallet anymore..
there's no her waiting for my call anymore...
there's no her going to our usual changi beach and airport anymore..
there's no her supporting me, whenever im down in mood...
there's no her letting me hold her hand when i need closeness..
there's no her telling me about her daily events...
there's no her showing me her drawing and websites...
there's no her bringing her rabbit to go out together...
there's no her clinging onto my arm like a baby...
there's no her asking me what she should wear today..
there's no her crying almost everytime when i flung my temper...
there's no her asking me why i treated her so harsh...
there's no her vowing to my world till the end of time will we part...
there's no her sharing her pains with me...
there's no her sms-ing me that will love me a lifetime and kiss me gd nite...
there's no her wanting me to give her a bear hug...
there's no her affectionally calling me bear-hubby...
there's no her accepting my blue rose....
there's no her waiting for my career to be stable so as to marry to me...
therer's no her enduring my unreasonable manner and high pride...
but there's her in my heart day and nite..
I know i will not be able to erase her and the past off my mind...
I let her down... though she is the one to give me up...
I never blame her for being fast and non-hesitate, she must have having lots of pains to chose this ending...
I love her... i know... but she's doesnt belong to me anymore...
I remember her words... told me to let go if i really love her... letting her seek her happiness... days without me will be so relieve...
Relationship that has went through many ordeals adn such a long way only ended up as nothing...
Gan tong shen shou~
If that's what she call 'happiness', then wish her well..let her go..but it will be very hard on ur side to 'ge ai'..
I know how it feels..but if being together will only make her feel suffocated..it's actually killing her slowly bit by bit....
Would you bear to see ur love one suffering in ur hands?