Your life is hopeless. Your life is hopeful. Which one do you prefer? Likewise, do we want to follow the flow? Or row to where we want? How can we be sure we are doing what we want? Or simply following the majority or masses?
Paper, you are not the only one who has r/s problems. I have a friend who has a r/s problem which is not easier than yours and not too difficult compared to yours. Just different. Everyone goes through a tough patch in a r/s. It is inevitable and we have to suffer most of the time through it. How we learn from the experience is what makes us grow stronger and mature. To acquire more understanding & virtue from it and better ourselves so we can have a better r/s in the future.
There is no escaping the tortures of the memories coming back to remind you of your intimate r/s with him. There is no denying the existance of such beautiful memory that can hurt you. How similar it is to a stalk of roses. Beautiful but thorny.
Can you not find comfort or solace in someone you trust? Your close friends? Your parents? Or a stuff toy whom you always share your secrets and deepest words with?
Be vulnerable to the people you trust. Cry if you must, it can ease your pain even if by a little. Talk if you must, to vent out any negative feelings you harbour. Do if you must, to convert all the negativity into a form of energy to be spent.
I will not talk about "See lah! So many r/s, yet cannot have a solid one which can bless you all the way to marriage and beyond! People nowadays do NOT understand the meaning of r/s and faithfulness!
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It is too hurtful and what is done is done. Those who have never been in a r/s: May you seek carefully and find a truely 'yours' and a pure r/s with a partner whom you can have a wonderful and totally devoted r/s with. Those who have been in many r/s: May you learn more from each 'failed' r/s and better equip yourself and look forward to the next one, turning it into a truely 'one & only' r/s you will ever have with the other half.
Hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for a beautiful future. Hope for a release of your pain. Fail to hope? You fail to live.
I should put this in my blog too for I am not very experienced in r/s. I may even fall trap and could not use what I preach here to help myself. Why so? Because I am also a sentimental person (call me emo if you want) and I am not as tough as you or I think. There will come a time when I will be put through the mill like you and most likely react the way you do. Every second is like a day of knives stabbing into the heart. It is only then will I look back at this entry and remind myself 'I once said this?'.
