Our story
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I met J in the university. She was in the same course as me. I was attracted by her cuteness and frankness. J is a very attractive girl too. Very soon, we were a couple.
J and I were together for more than 3 years. We practically see each other everyday and we shared everything. There’s nothing I don’t know about J and there’s nothing she doesn’t know about me. We even had a savings joint account together. We were making plans for the future and it seems very likely that we were going to get married to each other. Friends were asking me if she is going to my future wife and I always replied, “Yah lor, should be”.
J has a very bad temper. She would flare up very easily over the tiniest thing. She says she inherits her temper from her mother who is quite a bit of a chilli padi too.
I couldnÂ’t stand JÂ’s temper. She would get pissed easily over everything I do. It seems to me that thereÂ’s nothing I can do that will satisfy her. She always lament that IÂ’m not caring enough, IÂ’m not sensitive enough, etcÂ… She always criticizes me for being boring, having no life, etcÂ… And these made me sad. Worse is she said I donÂ’t love her.
When she gets angry, she would stare at me like I just massacred her family. The stare slices through my heart like a knife through butter. In particular, she blames for me for not remembering what she always said. Whenever I forgot a name of her friend or something else, she will fly into a rage. I admit that IÂ’m a very forgetful person but surely you donÂ’t have to get so angry.
Sometimes, she gets pissed when I say something that seems right to me but wrong to her. Then the nagging, scolding and criticism will all come and it will get endless. Most of the time, I just kept quiet. I don’t think I’m in the wrong but I don’t want to aggravate the situation. I will just apologize and hope she simmers down. But no she don’t. She will scold me why I can only say “sorry” and why can’t I coax her.
IÂ’m not a romantic person or a charmer with sweet lips. But I try. She complains that I donÂ’t give her little surprises so I tried to do so by giving her tiny presents or find her unexpectedly. I feel like a slave to her. Every time I went to her house, I would pack her stuff, clean up her bed and room, keep her clothes, etcÂ… I also wash the dishes after we ate in her house. But she says any Tom, Dick or Harry can do those chores. She doesnÂ’t feel secured with me, that I didnÂ’t give her the impression that I love her. She says I place my studies or work above her, that I didnÂ’t spend enough time with her. But I spend more time in her house than in my own house, I spend so much time with her that I practically neglected all my other friends.
She also likes to criticize me. Almost every time I see her. She would say why IÂ’m not sensitive and caring. Why I donÂ’t how to coax her. Why I canÂ’t go to her workplace to fetch her from work. Why IÂ’m so ugly. Why IÂ’m so selfish. And so on. I donÂ’t know if IÂ’m truly so bad as a boyfriend. I donÂ’t think IÂ’m that bad. I donÂ’t understand why she likes me in the first place if she wants me to change into another completely different person.
As time goes by, I feel like IÂ’m trapped in this relationship. I feel like a slave. Here I was doing everything for J to have J say that I donÂ’t love her. Yet I donÂ’t see J doing any thing for me. Her tempers have made me so paranoid of her getting angry that everything I do in front of her, I do it with care to make sure she wonÂ’t get pissed. Her criticism had made me so unsure of myself to losing my self-esteem and confidence.
I used to be very patient with J and her temper. But about a year ago, I also started getting angry every time J gets pissed with me when I donÂ’t think I made any wrong. Why would you always get pissed off with someone you love? I thought we should try to give and take?
We quarreled frequently and had break-ups often too only to patch back. But our differences still remained and patching back only returns us back to square one. IÂ’m the one who always initiated the break-up only to relent and patch back. Most of the times, I couldnÂ’t bear to see her crying and feeling so sad. She is very weak emotionally and I really couldnÂ’t bear to see her so sad. But I also wonder why treat me so badly like you donÂ’t appreciate me only to cry when I want to break up?
Last Friday, we broke up again. This time, IÂ’m quite determined not to patch back. Just now, I saw J in my MSN. I nearly wanted to message her to ask how she is. I stopped myself in time. I donÂ’t want to return to square one. I think both of us will be happier without each other.
But I canÂ’t help being worried about J. Will she be okay? Can she cope with the break-up? Will she be able to move on in her life? Is she okay without me? Is she crying now? Will another man come along in the future and made her miserable? I wanted so much to protect J and give her happiness but I only gave her tears and misery.
Well, J is offline now. I hope she is sleeping and having sweet dreams. I can only wish that J is happy from now on, without me in her life. 3 years is a long time. I wouldnÂ’t be able to forget her.
Wish you happiness J. IÂ’m sorry I canÂ’t give you that now. -
well it's all about HER. now it's time for URSELF.......
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Nicely written, bittersweet..
I'm sure she'll be allright as time goes by and she gets on with her life.
Guess you made the right decision, no need to drag the misery.
Good Luck and try to be resolute with your decision. -
thats a very long story...then what you going to do now??
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Well, can't help worrying about how she is now.Originally posted by Estee:well it's all about HER. now it's time for URSELF.......
I don't want her to be worse off without me. I want her to be better off without me. -
I will try be resolute and not drag on the misery. That will only keep both of us down. But love is a funny thing. The emotions rule over the head and I just hope both of us are determined this time.
What am I going to do now? No idea. -
haizzzz...... she will be fine bah..... she's just not used to not having someone care and be there for her all the time....... she will feel a big piece of her life missing...... but well...... time passes.... memories fade.... life still goes on......Originally posted by EricDraven:Well, can't help worrying about how she is now.
I don't want her to be worse off without me. I want her to be better off without me. -
I'm also not used to not having J around in my life now. Feeling lost too like a part of me just died.Originally posted by Estee:haizzzz...... she will be fine bah..... she's just not used to not having someone care and be there for her all the time....... she will feel a big piece of her life missing...... but well...... time passes.... memories fade.... life still goes on......
Yes, time will heal all wounds but like the law of relativity, time passes so slowly now... -
time passes slowly........ that's for sure..... cos memories are all over the place..... it's a matter of getting use to..... not a matter of forgetting..... so take ur time....... hopefully she's ok and well.... live her life.....Originally posted by EricDraven:I'm also not used to not having J around in my life now. Feeling lost too like a part of me just died.
Yes, time will heal all wounds but like the law of relativity, time passes so slowly now...
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I can only hope so too. What more can I do, right?Originally posted by Estee:time passes slowly........ that's for sure..... cos memories are all over the place..... it's a matter of getting use to..... not a matter of forgetting..... so take ur time....... hopefully she's ok and well.... live her life.....
Hope she will move on in her life and find happiness... -
yeah...... that's all.... the most u can do... is be there for her..... as a FREN...... do not cross the line urself and allow urself to have another patch and stuff....... if not.... u're back to square one...... but ultimately.... it's still ur decision.....Originally posted by EricDraven:I can only hope so too. What more can I do, right?
Hope she will move on in her life and find happiness...
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and so must you...Originally posted by EricDraven:I can only hope so too. What more can I do, right?
Hope she will move on in her life and find happiness... -
Hopefully, in the future, we can remain as friends.Originally posted by Estee:yeah...... that's all.... the most u can do... is be there for her..... as a FREN...... do not cross the line urself and allow urself to have another patch and stuff....... if not.... u're back to square one...... but ultimately.... it's still ur decision.....
Guess it's better to steer clear of each other at the moment to prevent going back to square one. Even though I still miss her.
Time will heal all wounds and washes off feelings, I hope... -
At the moment, I don't have any plans.Originally posted by Danisdead101times:and so must you...
Finish off my exams and find a job fast. Maybe escape to have a holiday and clear my thoughts in between.
No plans for another relationship in the near future. -
i think you 2 still have a chance.. "yuan fen" doesnt comes by easily.. dont let it end juz like that... maybe this time you should just leave her for a while and let her realise your importance and how good you have been to her... after her "fan xing" then you 2 have a nice chat. you got to make you feelings known to her.. tell her that you are sensitive and can be easily hurt by the crude words that she says...tell her that if she loves you then she wouldn't want to hurt you right?.. wish you all the best..
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yah this is what you should do rite now,maybe you can start a new r/s later on...Originally posted by EricDraven:At the moment, I don't have any plans.
Finish off my exams and find a job fast. Maybe escape to have a holiday and clear my thoughts in between.
No plans for another relationship in the near future. -
We tried the above mentioned before. But she still doesn't change her temper. I don't know if the problem is with me but I can tell myself I tried my best to accomodate her. Sometimes she would even surprise me when she gets pissed out of nothing.Originally posted by dibilo:i think you 2 still have a chance.. "yuan fen" doesnt comes by easily.. dont let it end juz like that... maybe this time you should just leave her for a while and let her realise your importance and how good you have been to her... after her "fan xing" then you 2 have a nice chat. you got to make you feelings known to her.. tell her that you are sensitive and can be easily hurt by the crude words that she says...tell her that if she loves you then she wouldn't want to hurt you right?.. wish you all the best..
After so long, so many breaking ups and patching back, nothing has changed. The problem is either in me or in her. Either way, there's a problem with this relationship.
If she wants me back, I know there's a high chance I will relent. I can't help it even knowing she won't change her ways. -
i would be so tired if i were you.....Originally posted by EricDraven:We tried the above mentioned before. But she still doesn't change her temper. I don't know if the problem is with me but I can tell myself I tried my best to accomodate her. Sometimes she would even surprise me when she gets pissed out of nothing.
After so long, so many breaking ups and patching back, nothing has changed. The problem is either in me or in her. Either way, there's a problem with this relationship.
If she wants me back, I know there's a high chance I will relent. I can't help it even knowing she won't change her ways. -
I'm tired Estee but...Originally posted by Estee:i would be so tired if i were you.....
This time, it seems we are really breaking up for real.
Because she initiated it, not me anymore...
I guess she's tired of it too.
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sad.. nearly brought a tear to my eye... haiz...Originally posted by EricDraven:I'm tired Estee but...
This time, it seems we are really breaking up for real.
Because she initiated it, not me anymore...
I guess she's tired of it too. -
you seem to have a good head on ur shoulders. in situations like this, rationalise instead of emotionalise. easy to say i know, but well, ur decision is purely logical, so keep it that way, continue to use ur head and suppress ur heart now.
i know i'm being stereotypical, but this is a time where u gotta be a MAN, u know 'they' complain we are emotionless and get over break ups easily. well for your case, let's hope they are RIGHT. cos u now need this trait that is more inherent in us males.
i dun think u've lost ur self-esteem. i feel confidence in your writing, you admit that u were belittled, but you weren't ashamed about it. that's courage, and that's standing up for what is/was important to you, her happiness, not yours. it's got nothing to do with self-esteem. if indeed it has waned becos of her, then u better get it back, for the sake of the girl that will truly love u, in time.
btw, click on the banner to come to the bbq, we need guys like you to uplift the overall impression of the guys in this forum.
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I can only hope that time passes fast enough...
And that she will find her happiness... I guess I'm feeling guilty for taking away 3 years of her life as well as not being able to give her the happiness that I promised. I'm also worried that she will meet the wrong man in the future... Sigh, trying not to think so much.
Was thinking about the BBQ but I'm an anti-social hermit. Wasn't sure if I fit into the gang. Will consider. Thanks for inviting me... -
Sadness flies away on the wings of time.
--Jean de La Fontaine
Sigh, can't stop thinking...
When will time take away my sadness... and her's -
time..Originally posted by EricDraven:Sadness flies away on the wings of time.
--Jean de La Fontaine
Sigh, can't stop thinking...
When will time take away my sadness... and her's
pple say time flies.. not enuf of it... growing old too fast..
contradiction... only time can heal.. -
A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.