by Dario Palombi
We all know that it is not beneficial to let anxiety build up inside. While it may be hard to do all the time, it is important to channel negative emotions outward to avoid ugly conflicts with your partner.
However, one cannot help but wonder: Are there exceptions to these traditional rules? Do some occasions call for us to bottle up our anger?
Never sweat the small stuff
Yes, there are times when you should keep negative emotions to yourself -- especially when they involve potential conflicts with other people. At any given point in your life, you are faced with certain friends, family members, co-workers, mere acquaintances, and of course, love interests, who annoy the heck out of you. However, because circumstances make yelling at them or cutting them off altogether unattractive, expressing yourself honestly is not always the best solution.
This is not to suggest turning the other cheek while the person eats away at your sanity. But in a case where the issue is not major, biting your tongue and being patient will help you build a stronger case against said person, should you decide to speak out when you feel you've had enough.
This may apply to you
Bear in mind that keeping quiet is not recommended in every situation. The main reason against is to build a case in the event of future conflicts for which you need vocal "ammunition." Consequently, using this approach with a significant other may not be suitable -- especially if you want to maintain closeness.
The fact remains, however, that every time you're in a situation that may result in confrontation, you want to ensure that you present a valid argument that's backed up by solid evidence. And so, as you will soon realize, sometimes keeping quiet can be a temporary but strategic move, as you can ultimately use your silence to put that person in their place when the proverbial chickens come home to roost.
To avoid a bad rap
By picking a fight all the time, you may be the one who is seen as the problem. This is especially true when the person you have a problem with is part of your clique. If others do not agree with the circumstance behind your dismay, they may not understand where you're coming from. Rather, they'll see you as a bitter person who does nothing but badger people.
If biting your tongue is not an option, you may have to air your dirty laundry in front of your circle of friends to prove to them that your negative feelings are justified. This may lead to a verbal brawl whereby people take sides, but at least you'll find out who your real friends are in the process.
To be a better friend
You want to give others the impression that you're a noble and forgiving person, and far too dignified to let the little things get in your way.
Should the time come to rid yourself of a person, he can't fault you for not being forgiving enough. In his eyes, your silence means you cared enough to say silent for so long, and the fact that you're opening up must mean that he really crossed the line.
To avoid stress
Getting things off your chest may snowball into a huge fight (if the person doesn't like what you have to say) and you may wind up causing yourself more grief than relief. This is particularly true for those people who, if you get on their bad side, can make your life miserable.
If, for example, you feel a co-worker is the devil incarnate, telling him how you feel may not be worth the warfare that will ensue should he retaliate. You may just to want ignore him as often as you can, and feign admiration when you have no other option but to come face to face with him. Hopefully, one of you will get transferred before tensions escalate.
To avoid regret
There are times when shooting off your mouth is relatively harmless, and then there are times when you may want to think twice before speaking, for in the heat of the moment, you're liable to say things you don't necessarily mean.
This is especially true when it comes to people you've just met. If, at first glance, you're utterly unimpressed by your friend's new gal-pal, take some time to get to know her before rendering an official opinion. You don't want to eventually get close to her, only to have her find out later on that you trashed her in the beginning.
when should you open up?
Even though it has its share of perks, there are times when keeping silent is just not an option.
There's a certain deception that attaches itself to purposely withholding your thoughts. When dealing with people you genuinely care about (like a close friend, partner, or colleague), your main concern should not be how you could win an argument against them. Close relationships involve a certain amount of honesty, in addition to resolving problems as efficiently as possible.
be careful
Remember; no matter how much you want to gain the upper hand, keeping quiet is not worth sacrificing your personal well-being for. If holding back thoughts is disrupting your daily life or hindering your mental stability in any way, you should get it out of your system. Opting for less confrontational methods may sometimes be the lesser of two evils, but make sure the ends justify the means.