A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia ........
He was having his coffee, croissants, bread,
butter & jam at the hotel's coffee house.
A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual conversation.
Malaysian: "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?" Singaporean: "Of course."
Malaysian: "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside. The
crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore."
The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.
Malaysian: "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"
Singaporean: "Of course."
Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for
breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them,transform them into jam,.....before we sell it across to Singapore."
This time, the Singaporean retorted: "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"
Malaysian: "Why, of course we do"
Singaporean: "Do you wear protection"
Malaysian: "Of course! We wear condoms."
Singaporean: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Malaysian: "We throw them away, of course."
Singaporean: "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia, & that's the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore."
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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the Bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk, the president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around, "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked,"Bets? What kind of bets? "The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square!
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure
there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet:"$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did.
The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
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Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They've just hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T-shirts and sandals when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers."
Well, the men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie-died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?"
Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?"
The blonde replies "Why, father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!"
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One day, Tarzan and his monkeys friends were going to a lake for a bath. Just as Tarzan take off his shorts, the monkeys laugh loudly, so loud that they almost cry. Curious, Tarzan ask them why did they laugh and the monkey reply asking tarzan "how come tail is infront and not behind like us????"
