Jokes to relief tension
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One day, our beloved Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King....
SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers.
Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the orange skin?
King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam.
Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: Oh, no. We just throw it away.
SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand.
SM was about to leave but then the King asked him...
King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it?
SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!!
And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore. -
*LOL*
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person
asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary
were you looking for?"
The engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year,
depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental,
company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company
car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer said, "well, u started it 1st." -
A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates?
Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.
His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.
He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!" -
A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with
his life in general. He felt as there was nothing waiting for
him in this life...
...until one day, at the breakfast table, he was reading the
morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his
life. It said: " ...Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in
Africa, one could still find tribes of genuine cavemen,
untouched by civilization. Only thing needed was to find the
correct cave and shout "Wohoo!!" and the tribe would answer to
this call."
"This is it!" the swede thought. "This is what I've been waiting
for! I'll sell everything I own, go to Africa, find these
cavemen, and become rich and famous!"
And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts
looking for the tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no
answer. No cavemen.
Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: "Juhuuu!!"
And then he heard it! " WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO !!!! "
"Härregud!" The Swede thought, "A whole tribe!" And just as he
was starting to run to the cave, he thought: "Now wait a minute.
These are cavemen. They don't wear any clothes, and I might
scare then off."
So he stripped his clothes off quickly, and started to run into
the cave.
And the following day, he was in the headlines all over the
world: "Naked Swede run over by a train in Africa" -
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
Fact :
The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty. -
3 wondering male souls are summoned to the presence of Hades of the Hell.
Hades of the Hell said to them, “if you are able to run 100m below 8sec, i will grant you permission to live again!! if you failed, i will melt your dick with my fiery hand!”
Soul A starts to run as fast as he can but still can only complete 100m in 11sec, so he is brought to the front of Hades of the Hell and suffered the agony of having his dick burnt.
Soul B also run like wind but too bad, he managed to complete 100m within 9sec, so his dick is also burnt with the hand of the Hades.
Upon seeing soul A and B suffer the same fate after running, Soul C tell Hades of Hell that he is not running but willing suffer the same fate.
So Hades of Hell carried out the punishment, but to everyoneÂ’s surprise, Soul CÂ’s dick stay intact.
Hades of Hell grant Soul C to live again.
But before he do so, he ask Soul C, “ how the Hell your dick can withstand the heat?”
With a grin, Soul C giggled, “ M & M chocolate melts in the mouth, not in the hand!”
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ahahhaha din realise this thread till now.Originally posted by www:hahaha. first its pictures, now its joke. steady lar.
ya first pic now joke
aiseh -
Stop it... i cant take it liao...my stomach laugh until going to burst liao...
hahahahahahahahaha 
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hahaha. great job bro.Originally posted by windjammer:hehehe try to make this place nice and cozy mah... -
so how bro?? you feel good when visiting this forum???Originally posted by shock1234:ahahhaha din realise this thread till now.
ya first pic now joke
aiseh -
huh??? stop it??? and deprive the rest of having a good laugh???Originally posted by sgboy2004:Stop it... i cant take it liao...my stomach laugh until going to burst liao...
hahahahahahahahaha -
me life is not on punting only mah...hehehe...Originally posted by www:hahaha. great job bro. -
something here to relief the stress
http://www5.gamesville.lycos.com/html_poke/poke_penguin.htm
it's fun. try it. -
hehehe..... not bad....Originally posted by shock1234:something here to relief the stress
http://www5.gamesville.lycos.com/html_poke/poke_penguin.htm
it's fun. try it. -
haha, very cute leh the penguin............
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fierce rite. it will use different things to hit backOriginally posted by windjammer:hehehe..... not bad.... 
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better not to mess wiz itOriginally posted by Estee:haha, very cute leh the penguin............ -
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "God, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you give blow jobs?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut," he said, and dropped her
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The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary.
After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man.
The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary.
After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go ahead but tells her that she must be diplomatic and under no circumstances is she to insult the man by rejecting him outright.
After going to a dance club for a few hours, the businessman takes the secretary aside. As he holds her hand and looks her straight into her eyes, he tells her that he loves her. Then, he gets on his knees and asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says: "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile then, with a nod of his head, answers: "No problem!! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says, "My second condition is a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the Gironde in France." The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some real estate agents in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face in his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, "OK. I cut. I cut." -
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hahahaOriginally posted by shock1234: -
hahaha... good one... now we hv pics, joke and games liao... this forum getting more lively liao...Originally posted by shock1234: -
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the
way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked,"What kind of -ese are you?
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are
you? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese,etc......"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked
what kind of '-key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I
The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?" -
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French,
who found this small genie bottle. 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said
"Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you
a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool,jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted,"VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".
He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHHIITT!!!!!!!........."