Jokes to relief tension
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A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich
behind him. As he sits down, the bartender
comes over and asks for their order. The man
says, "I'll have a beer." He turns to the
ostrich and asks, "What's yours?" "I'll have
a beer, too," says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says, "That
will be $3.40 please."
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls
out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come
in again, and the man says, "I'll have a
beer," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the
same." Once again the man reaches into his
pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one
evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have
a large scotch," says the man.
"Same for me," says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20," says the bartender.
Once again, the man pulls exact change out of
his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity
any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage
to always come up with the exact change out
of your pocket every time?" the bartender asks.
"Well," says the man. "Several years ago I was
cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to
pay for anything, I just put my hand in my
pocket, and the right amount of money will always
be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender, "Most
people would wish for a million dollars or
something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk
or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always
there," says the man.
The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir,
what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick
with long legs."
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*clap clap* good joke although i did not read it
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Originally posted by smellypanty:*clap clap* good joke although i did not read it
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because no one support his joke mah..Originally posted by sgboy2004: -
Hahahhahaha so funy
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u wanna smell my undies???Originally posted by smellypanty:*clap clap* good joke although i did not read it -
Terok Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift up your saree? I wanna take photograph"
The rest is history.
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition.Butol explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.
So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up
daugthers?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?????????" Butol replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history. -
not bad, not bad... somemore jokes?
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/thumbs up
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mine already got smell so wat for smell yrsOriginally posted by windjammer:u wanna smell my undies??? -
hahaha. first its pictures, now its joke. steady lar.
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by your nick i thot u like smelly panty mah ... the more the merrier..or shud say the smellier...Originally posted by smellypanty:mine already got smell so wat for smell yrs -
hehehe try to make this place nice and cozy mah...Originally posted by www:hahaha. first its pictures, now its joke. steady lar. -
but i wan panties not yr undies ...Originally posted by windjammer:by your nick i thot u like smelly panty mah ... the more the merrier..or shud say the smellier... -
haha!!Originally posted by windjammer:by your nick i thot u like smelly panty mah ... the more the merrier..or shud say the smellier... -
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ok lor i change to panties lor...Originally posted by smellypanty:but i wan panties not yr undies ... -
ya must G-string one ..Originally posted by windjammer:ok lor i change to panties lor... 
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watever u wish lor...Originally posted by smellypanty:ya must G-string one .. -
Students at a Medical School were receiving their first
anatomy class with a real dead human body.They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by
telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that it is necessary that you don't get
disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his student. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns,sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and put it in their mouths. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted
the middle finger and sucked the index finger."
"So!!! " "Pay attention!!!." -
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine
and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench
his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the
machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet
Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and
inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she
pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and
50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied
it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a
Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business
man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke
up.
"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and
indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning" -
Originally posted by windjammer:Students at a Medical School were receiving their first
anatomy class with a real dead human body.They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by
telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that it is necessary that you don't get
disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his student. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns,sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and put it in their mouths. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted
the middle finger and sucked the index finger."
"So!!! " "Pay attention!!!." ahhahahhaaaaaaaaaa -
Two Hokkien pengs, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from privates to corporals.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, "Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo."
"But we all is plivate only, mah," protests Ah Seng.
"No, we all is copler now," says Ah Beng, pulling him inside.
Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, "Okay, let's order some beer and togo!"
"But we all is plivate!" says Ah Seng.
"Piang eh, you cannot see, meh?" says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes. "We all is copler now!"
After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang.
There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says, "Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea."
Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, "Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. It it's okay, give me the okay sign."
Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.
Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea.
"Ni na beh," he scolds Ah Seng. "Why you tell me it's okay?"
"Not my fault!" says Ah Seng. "In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects the privates."
Then he points to his stripes: "But we is copler now, mah!" -
WAHAHHAhaaa
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*clap clap*
more more more!!