THE GOLFING NUN
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.
"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
'Is that when you swore?'
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the dam putt, didn't you?"
To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a
weekend at St. Andrews. On the 3rd tee, the husband
said, "Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty
years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I
hope that you can forgive me."
His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long
gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive
you." They embraced and kissed.
On the 17th tee the wife said to her husband, "Darling,
since we're being honest with each other, I have something
to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change
operation, I was a man before we met."
The husband threw a fit! He cursed, threw his driver away,
broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes,
screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable cheat! How
could you? I trusted you, and you have been playing from
the ladies' tee all these years!"
Two sides of the story
HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to the restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried. What did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up but it didn't seem to work. What was bothering him? Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me and I didn't know what that meant because you know, he didn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me. Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it again and he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me? Reluctantly, I said I was going to sleep hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was SO hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil.
Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me in bed, we had some great foreplay and then had sex. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared such an intimate experience, but he still seemed really distracted.
So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep.
He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean do you think he's met someone else???
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
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Played badly today-shot 83---can't putt worth shit. Felt kinda tired.
Got laid though.